Help I couldn’t get off the stool

[PotentiallyWasted]

I was ready. Anchor point check. Ligature check. All that was left was to get off the damn stool. (more specifically ladder in my case).

I couldn't do it. In the moments building up to attempting to CTB I was sure I'd be able to easily let go. I simply couldn't. The moment the noose was surrounding my neck I felt chills all over my body. I thought: "is this really it? the end to all my suffering?"

I kind of leaned down a bit and put one leg in the air but didn't actually suspend myself.

How do I overcome this? I think I didn't let go mainly out of fear it was going to be painful asl.

 

[peewee]

im sorry your suffering so much, i understand, struggling with the same thing. i only hang on because im hopeful the love of my life will finally stop ignoring me and try to make up for the horrible situation they put me in, but it doesn't happen. i think if we cant do it we are not ready and thats ok. its a decision that cant be taken back, it shouldn't be easy or done impulsively
sending hugs x

 

[depressed_kitten97]

Same thing happened to me a year ago. I unfortunately don't have an answer. If you ever do, let me know.
It's hard.

 

[itsgone2]

How do I overcome this? I think I didn't let go mainly out of fear it was going to be painful asl.

This is what many of us are struggling with. Yes the pain is an issue. SI also won't just let you step forward either. People do it though. Somehow

 

[auto138491]

Yeah today I was surprised at how disoriented one can get with He. The exit bag is needed for sure. Then i thought maybe hanging is faster. Maybe its not.

 

[Worndown]

SI is terrible.
Try something to disorient you or make you pass out.
Huff keyboard duster, NO2 or another product.
SI passes out when you do.

 

[Dawns]

yes i have had this happen to me too, it's the fear of what is about to happen due to SI. i was unable to kick the chair and end my life but i was completely sober and unsure of my set up

 

[Willow]

I have had the same feeling when trying to shoot myself. I bought the gun, practiced loading it and held it to my head. But I couldn't pull the trigger in the end. For me it was indecision about what I really wanted for myself. That was a couple years ago and I'm still trying to CTB

 

[itsgone2]

I have had the same feeling when trying to shoot myself. I bought the gun, practiced loading it and held it to my head. But I couldn't pull the trigger in the end. For me it was indecision about what I really wanted for myself. That was a couple years ago and I'm still trying to CTB

Do you still have it? I do not have a gun. I think most assume it's easier to pull a trigger but accounts like yours say otherwise.

 

[Willow]

No. My husband returned it when he found out. I've really been trying to make myself buy another one. I went into the store and looked around last week to try to desensitize myself to the fear of buying it.

 

[struggles_inc]

You have an extremely cute animal as your profile picture. Is that Duolingo owl?

 

[PotentiallyWasted]

You have an extremely cute animal as your profile picture. Is that Duolingo owl?

yeah lol

yes i have had this happen to me too, it's the fear of what is about to happen due to SI. i was unable to kick the chair and end my life but i was completely sober and unsure of my set up

I'm just so scared i'll drop and somehow get back up just to have ligature marks all over my neck

 

[Terrible_Life_99]

I also want to die by full hanging and in my case it'll also be a ladder. My plan is to have 1 or 2 drinks before doing it. I also don't wanna jump from the ladder but instead press the body weight down to already compress the carotids and then slowly put my foots out of the ladder step while holding the body with my hands on the ladder and then finally I'll push the ladder away and hopefully finally die and end all the pain.
I hope si won't kick in and my first attempt will also be the last one.