I could not accept myself

[progeria]

I realized what my main problem was. After I fell ill with a chronic disease and became disabled, I just can't accept myself like that. I can't accept that I am worse than most people. Because of this, I do not want to somehow deal with my life or live in principle. Did someone feel it too?

 

[FuneralCry]

It is perfectly understandable, not wanting to live a low quality life. Chronic health problems can be very exhausting to deal with. I'm sorry you are suffering. For me, in general I cannot accept my life. I refuse to put up with this for decades. In my case, nothing will make me want to live. I want absolutely nothing to do with life, I want eternal peace that will only be achieved by death. I think it is cruel how society has this attitude that you must put up with life no matter how bad it gets. We deserve a peaceful exit at a time of our own choosing, as this life holds unlimited potential for suffering after all.

 

[Lance Stone]

With me, I haven't been able to live with myself since I was 12, years and years of bullying and every day feeling like a fucking repeat. Its all hell, just that feeling when you wake up in the morning and know your day is going to be shit.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I do not want to somehow deal with my life

I feel EXACTLY that. Therapists, when I still thought they could help, would constantly preach at me about acceptance and banishing negative thoughts about myself. For some people, that might work. Great for them, truly. But like you, I don't want to be me. I don't want my life at all. Someone else wrote here on SS a few weeks ago that she didn't want to be loved as her. I'll never forget that line. Or yours. I don't want to DEAL with my life any more than I'd want to deal with a steaming pile of animal manure plopped next to every meal I eat for the rest of my life. And why shouldn't we as legal adults be entitled to decide that? How many people would choose to live our lives? Or would want their children to live our lives? Yet the same lives they find detestable and do everything, even breaking the law, to prevent their children from having to live we're supposed to "deal" with? FFS. No thank you.

Loved your line.

 

[demuic]

I feel EXACTLY that. Therapists, when I still thought they could help, would constantly preach at me about acceptance and banishing negative thoughts about myself. For some people, that might work. Great for them, truly. But like you, I don't want to be me. I don't want my life at all. Someone else wrote here on SS a few weeks ago that she didn't want to be loved as her. I'll never forget that line. Or yours. I don't want to DEAL with my life any more than I'd want to deal with a steaming pile of animal manure plopped next to every meal I eat for the rest of my life. And why shouldn't we as legal adults be entitled to decide that? How many people would choose to live our lives? Or would want their children to live our lives? Yet the same lives they find detestable and do everything, even breaking the law, to prevent their children from having to live we're supposed to "deal" with? FFS. No thank you.

Loved your line.

Very aptly put.

For me, it is also that I can't accept society and other people being the way they are.

I don't want to try to "get better" because I don't want to live life. Life is not enjoyable for me and I won't exert extreme effort to try and change myself to fit and behave according to society's standards when I don't even want to be here. I'm not going to live life just "dealing" with everything, without any happiness or pleasure. That's a cruel thing to expect someone to do. People always say "if you don't like it you can leave" but refuse to apply that to existence itself.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Life is not enjoyable for me and I won't exert extreme effort to try and change myself to fit and behave according to society's standards when I don't even want to be here.

Exaaaaaactly! You and others have written here on SS, poignantly, about life being just too horrific (to us) to be worth the effort to sustain it. Therapists want you to change negative thoughts. Bosses want you to labor to make the company even more money. The government wants you to contribute more to the economy. And the general pop wants you to at least seem happy and part-of-the-team. What for? To pretend to be OK with countless things you think are inexcusably loathsome? I bet most of us here could pretend to be OK, follow the therapists' commands. But for what? Like you've said, we don't want to be here, so why would we exert ourselves working to stay here?

 

[patheticpartner]

I relate to being incapable of self-acceptance. I'm gratefully not disabled in the medical or physical sense, but I'm constantly aware that there will always be someone more useful, intelligent, attractive, etc. than myself. My inferiority complex makes me too insecure to live a fulfilling life. And since I know I can't excel at anything, I'm too lazy to try anything.

 

[Painless_end]

Sorry for your pain

 

[SuicideRun]

Exaaaaaactly! You and others have written here on SS, poignantly, about life being just too horrific (to us) to be worth the effort to sustain it. Therapists want you to change negative thoughts. Bosses want you to labor to make the company even more money. The government wants you to contribute more to the economy. And the general pop wants you to at least seem happy and part-of-the-team. What for? To pretend to be OK with countless things you think are inexcusably loathsome? I bet most of us here could pretend to be OK, follow the therapists' commands. But for what? Like you've said, we don't want to be here, so why would we exert ourselves working to stay here?

... and all who say that you have to adapt. I don't want to adapt to this dunghill of the world.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

... and all who say that you have to adapt. I don't want to adapt to this dunghill of the world.

This.