I could do it right now...

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I haven't had anything to eat or drink in the last seven hours.

I could take the painkillers now and start the stat dose process.

I'd take the drink in and hour and be dead by the time my husband wakes up. He always sleeps in on Saturdays.

I'd be rid of all the pain forever.

 

[ebt88]

It seems you have planned it all very well. Have a peaceful trip

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

It seems you have planned it all very well. Have a peaceful trip

Oh, I don't think I will, tbh. I've been here before. I'm too chicken shit. All the pieces are in place. I feel horrid. I want to die. But I also don't want to die. I'd rather have someone force it down my throat than convince myself to do it on my own.

 

[ebt88]

Ok you don't want to die that's fine

 

[overandout]

Oh, I don't think I will, tbh. I've been here before. I'm too chicken shit. All the pieces are in place. I feel horrid. I want to die. But I also don't want to die. I'd rather have someone force it down my throat than convince myself to do it on my own.

It takes a lot of courage to take that next step. Wish it could be easier

 

[Brink]

There is no rush with these things (in many situations at least); it really is (hopefully?!) the final decision to be made. Whilst boarding the bus is an incredibly hard and often brave thing to do, you're not chickenshit because you're not ready or able to catch it rn -- cut yourself some slack.

 

[KleinerWolf]

Piece of advice for everyone:
Plenty of time to commit suicide,
Never act impulsively.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I'm looking at next weekend, potentially. It's now been over a year of consistent suicidal ideation. I can't continue to live like this. I should have ended this story a year ago. Since then, it's been only suffering for me and those close to me. If I had offed myself back then, everyone would have moved on by now and their lives would be going in a positive direction.

Sure, there's lots of time to commit suicide, but delaying the inevitable only prolongs the suffering. I wish there was a shot of courage you could take before the SN solution.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

It seems you have planned it all very well. Have a peaceful trip

It doesn't seem as planned out to me. More like an observation of possibilities.

Piece of advice for everyone:
Plenty of time to commit suicide,
Never act impulsively.

This, definitely this.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I'm not doing well.
Normally, I enjoy going through the forum and reading other posts, trying to offer comfort, advice, or empathy to others. I just tried, but I'm coming up empty. My own pain is just a bit too much right now. I'm feeling so many things at once and it's overwhelming. I actually just broke down in tears, which I haven't done in over a week.

I want out so badly. I don't want anything from this world anymore. I've made peace with that. But I don't want to hurt those I love. A lot of people will be sad. My mother will be devastated. I think my husband will be devastated too, but maybe not. Maybe he'll be relieved. Maybe he'll feel free. I don't really know, and I can't really ask him.

I'm sorry for rambling. I prefer to be eloquent and meaningful, but I can't muster it right now. This is all just word vomit. I feel like I'm getting close to trying again. I had detailed plans the last two times, though. I have no plan right now, but I still just want to go.

 

[Lostandfound7]

I def feel u with this, my love..

I also find that listening and offering advice to others helps me to take the focus off my own b.s...BUT when my own b.s. becomes too overwhelming and my energy is depleted, no bueno...This is where I am now..

Take a minute for u..Sometimes u need to "vomit" n allow others to help u, as u have done with so many..U are depleted right now. That's ok..

I have also gone back to my suicidal thoughts, but trying to hold on to a lil bit of hope n "stay alive" for the ppl around me...FFS!

Crying can be good sometimes..It's like a purging of ur emotions..

Here for u. Sending love and strength for whatever u decide♡