I constantly have the urge to stab myself in the heart

[UpsideDownFace]

Can anyone else relate? I have so much self-loathing that I constantly have the urge to just stab myself in the heart with a knife. The other day I was using a long serrated knife to cut food and for a moment just stood there tempted to shove it in my chest. I know it's not likely to kill me but that isn't really the goal, just think it'd make a good punishment for being a shitty pathetic person. Also I reckon it's incredibly painful which is why I likely won't do it but that doesn't stop me fantasizing about it.

Sorry this was kind of a ramble, just wondering if others feel similar or if I'm more fucked up than I thought lol

 

[Cheshirecatx]

I've had similar urges or ideation as such. I went through some traumatic experiences, and ended up nearly stabbing myself in the stomach with a screwdriver. (As you can imagine, wouldn't be pleasant and would cause a lot of damage, I ended up restrained from a friend) I think sometimes it's curiosity of how far we'll go in hurting ourselves, how much we feel we deserve and what relates to the suffering we feel on the inside. I was suffering a lot with mental illness at the time which contributed to that, but you're not alone with it! I guess it's the emptiness but constant urge to feel something too.

 

[g0921]

Yes, with a fancy dagger.