theboy
Illuminated
- Jul 15, 2022
- 3,016
Today I went to the psychiatric hospital as usual. Unexpectedly in the afternoon the medical team and my colleagues celebrated my 24th birthday.
In the evening I celebrated with my family eating, laughing and telling stories.
That's the beautiful part of today but ....
I feel a little sad. I don't want to keep having birthdays. I never thought I would make it to my 24th birthday alive. Every time I think about it I say to myself "you failed many attempts at CTB - you have to become an adult - you are bound to live" among other negative things. I really don't want to make it to my 30's or maybe younger and I don't know what to do. I am in the process of recovery but this day was like a bucket of cold water.
Thank you for reading my vent.
In the evening I celebrated with my family eating, laughing and telling stories.
That's the beautiful part of today but ....
I feel a little sad. I don't want to keep having birthdays. I never thought I would make it to my 24th birthday alive. Every time I think about it I say to myself "you failed many attempts at CTB - you have to become an adult - you are bound to live" among other negative things. I really don't want to make it to my 30's or maybe younger and I don't know what to do. I am in the process of recovery but this day was like a bucket of cold water.
Thank you for reading my vent.