Braindead Atheist
Specialist
- Oct 7, 2020
- 387
No one has any idea just how much I hate it here. I can't even express the hatred I have for this life. I'm retarded and can't work and my parents are forcing me into a work experience program and the lady who runs it is a B. Soon I'll have a job coach to put up with too. yay... I'm 5'2 and 180lbs so my doctor is sending me to outpatient fat camp. I have pcos so I carry it ALL in my torso. I'll never lose anything unless I get 1k calories a day and walk 2 miles. I HATE my body. It won't do ANYTHING for me. I tried to do an aerial cartwheel and no matter what my hands go down last minute. I fucking GIVE UP. No one works as hard as me on anything and they all get results so why can't I? My parents say I'm spoiled or something because I'm mad about not getting what I work for and I'm using my adhd and crap as an excuse. Thats BS. I'm just stating the facts. if you've been through what I have, I'll take any excuse to get out of more suffering and torment which is ALL this crap sack of a life is.
I get that we can't always have what we want in life but why does EVERY LAST THING have to be a disappointment?! Whether its people who disappoint me or something else (Usually my useless brain and body) I just want to get what I work for. I don't think that's being spoiled, rude or entitled and I don't think its asking too much.
I went to lunch with some friends that I care a lot about and said goodbye to them. I went to lunch with my close friends the Finns (the grandma was my mom's delivery nurse with me) I see my peer friends a lot, so that's taken care of. I said goodbye to my high school counselor but need to say goodbye to my high school case workers and iep writer. They were really kind and funny. I need to say goodbye to my favorite person in the world Mrs. Brun, my first-grade teacher Mrs. D and my old gym teacher mrs P and my supervisor for treatment, Ms. Erin.
I said goodbye to my 6th grade teacher who the mean principal Mrs. Watson manipulate, and we made things right. I tried to say goodbye to my old resource teacher at the public school I attended part time, and she made every excuse not to meet with me and blocked me. I HATE her (her names Mrs. Allen). I tried to say goodbye to the principal Mrs. Morgan. I made drawings for her too and she said she couldn't meet with me, rescheduled, and then said she couldn't meet with me again. I dropped the pictures off at the front of the school and called her she started to say, "Thank you thank you for the pictures..." but she sounded annoyed and so I got mad and hung up. I couldn't help but feel like I lost something that day and from those experiences. I wish I'd never gone there or the private school I went to. It's all a lie. People are so fake and shallow. I'm on borrowed time here. The only reason I stayed was for people who I thought cared, but now I'm really beginning to question even that.
Sure, there are nice people, but you have to be in a tough situation to find them usually is what I noticed. Other than that, I hate people so much. I even made a Fuck you list of people who are going to get it when I kill myself and get out of here. A special fuck you to all the employers and coworkers who bullied or fired me for being slow/under preforming. Specifically, kellin nelson, Lizz, Aaron, Lou yang, wyatt, crystal, Harrison, Quinesha Allen, Rhonda, Braylin and tana. A special Fuck you to ex best friends (Izzy, Corinna Hamm, Kierstan McKinney, and Ashley toa) a special Fuck you to the people who bullied me-amber snively, amber Marie jones, Izzy Edwards (same izzy), Chad green, Reid Murnan, Nicole (last name?). A special fuck you to the worst principal and nun ever-Michele Watson and sister Petra, a special fuck you to the teachers who pretended to care about me-Therese Allen and Jennifer Morgan. And those who don't believe me, blame me or are in denial about my abuse, you are also evil people. You all screwed up. and when I'm gone, you're all going to get it. Have fun where you're going to end up!
God I can't wait to get out of this life! hopefully I'm successful this time and it will be fast and painless. I don't even know why I bother. Giving up feels like the right thing to do. I think I'm going to give up on the fundraiser.
I get that we can't always have what we want in life but why does EVERY LAST THING have to be a disappointment?! Whether its people who disappoint me or something else (Usually my useless brain and body) I just want to get what I work for. I don't think that's being spoiled, rude or entitled and I don't think its asking too much.
I went to lunch with some friends that I care a lot about and said goodbye to them. I went to lunch with my close friends the Finns (the grandma was my mom's delivery nurse with me) I see my peer friends a lot, so that's taken care of. I said goodbye to my high school counselor but need to say goodbye to my high school case workers and iep writer. They were really kind and funny. I need to say goodbye to my favorite person in the world Mrs. Brun, my first-grade teacher Mrs. D and my old gym teacher mrs P and my supervisor for treatment, Ms. Erin.
I said goodbye to my 6th grade teacher who the mean principal Mrs. Watson manipulate, and we made things right. I tried to say goodbye to my old resource teacher at the public school I attended part time, and she made every excuse not to meet with me and blocked me. I HATE her (her names Mrs. Allen). I tried to say goodbye to the principal Mrs. Morgan. I made drawings for her too and she said she couldn't meet with me, rescheduled, and then said she couldn't meet with me again. I dropped the pictures off at the front of the school and called her she started to say, "Thank you thank you for the pictures..." but she sounded annoyed and so I got mad and hung up. I couldn't help but feel like I lost something that day and from those experiences. I wish I'd never gone there or the private school I went to. It's all a lie. People are so fake and shallow. I'm on borrowed time here. The only reason I stayed was for people who I thought cared, but now I'm really beginning to question even that.
Sure, there are nice people, but you have to be in a tough situation to find them usually is what I noticed. Other than that, I hate people so much. I even made a Fuck you list of people who are going to get it when I kill myself and get out of here. A special fuck you to all the employers and coworkers who bullied or fired me for being slow/under preforming. Specifically, kellin nelson, Lizz, Aaron, Lou yang, wyatt, crystal, Harrison, Quinesha Allen, Rhonda, Braylin and tana. A special Fuck you to ex best friends (Izzy, Corinna Hamm, Kierstan McKinney, and Ashley toa) a special Fuck you to the people who bullied me-amber snively, amber Marie jones, Izzy Edwards (same izzy), Chad green, Reid Murnan, Nicole (last name?). A special fuck you to the worst principal and nun ever-Michele Watson and sister Petra, a special fuck you to the teachers who pretended to care about me-Therese Allen and Jennifer Morgan. And those who don't believe me, blame me or are in denial about my abuse, you are also evil people. You all screwed up. and when I'm gone, you're all going to get it. Have fun where you're going to end up!
God I can't wait to get out of this life! hopefully I'm successful this time and it will be fast and painless. I don't even know why I bother. Giving up feels like the right thing to do. I think I'm going to give up on the fundraiser.
