Venting I can't take it anymore

[Aity4883]

I hate this world so much that I'm starting to lose it. I hate myself. I hate humanity. Scum of the earth. I am starting to think that I deserve all the suffering because I'm a monster. I'm a parasite. Scum. Filth. Evil. The more I peek behind the courtain the more I feel like ctb. I never truly grasped the limits of how stupid and disgusting people can be. There are no limits.

If someone was to shoot me in the head I'd be thankful. Please crash a plane into my house. Please drop a nuclear bomb on me. Please let ISIS behead me. I'd be thankful for those things.

My filthy sack of **** body makes it near impossible to ctb. It wants to keep me here and suffer like this forever.

But it all ends when I choose to end it. If there is no afterlife, me dying is the same as the world ending, atleast to me. One milisecond after I'm dead an eternity would've passed and humanity be burned in hell long ago.

I have the power to end it all. And I will. Soon enough. Going to start preparations today. I hope when I'll be free from this world, the little good in me, my soul will be free.

 

[EricRoche]

Have you shared this with anyone? Do you get positive, neutral, or very negative responses?

 

[Jon86]

You spend too much time thinking much like myself.

 

[Aity4883]

Have you shared this with anyone? Do you get positive, neutral, or very negative responses?

Whenever I talk to those close to me I just make them sad and depressed like me. I bring them down with my words. I hate being the bringer of bad news so I avoid it now. It hurts seeing others be like me.

 

[ChizuruN]

Whenever I talk to those close to me I just make them sad and depressed like me. I bring them down with my words.

I've had friends leave me before because I was "too negative." Have you ever experienced this?

 

[Struggle Street]

Whenever I talk to those close to me I just make them sad and depressed like me. I bring them down with my words. I hate being the bringer of bad news so I avoid it now. It hurts seeing others be like me.

I find that whenever I speak to people even about general stuff "how's you're day" blah blah blah, my depression shines through. Maybe it's my facial expression, the tone of my voice or what I say.
I have noticed it more and more lately. When people ask how I am going, I feel as though they are already expecting a depressing reply. Some of these people know the troubles I have been through and am still going through, and though I know they are understanding, I can't help but think to myself they must be sick of talking to me because I am so depressing. I try put on that fake smile every now and again, but it doesn't last long, and I feel most people see through it anyway. Then I think bad of myself for being such a miserable, depressing person.

 

[Aity4883]

I've had friends leave me before because I was "too negative." Have you ever experienced this?

I only talk about those things with somewhat likeminded people. If there's no one decent to talk to I sit alone. But I guess it would happen had I talked to some stupid people. But I wouldn't talk ti those people anyways.

 

[Sonnenblume]

I only talk about those things with somewhat likeminded people. If there's no one decent to talk to I sit alone. But I guess it would happen had I talked to some stupid people. But I wouldn't talk ti those people anyways.

You reminded me of this song

 

[123asdr123]

I've had friends leave me before because I was "too negative." Have you ever experienced this?

makes total sense. chances are against u to meet someone in real life because of the fact that people are bonded by positivity

 

[Fylobatica]

people are bonded by positivity

Also by negativity. It's not unusual for many people who feel down to bond quickly with others who experience the same issues. Some even become best friends over time.

 

[Going Home]

I like the title of your vent.

 

[ProlongedSentence]

I hate this world so much that I'm starting to lose it. I hate myself. I hate humanity. Scum of the earth. I am starting to think that I deserve all the suffering because I'm a monster. I'm a parasite. Scum. Filth. Evil. The more I peek behind the courtain the more I feel like ctb. I never truly grasped the limits of how stupid and disgusting people can be. There are no limits.

If someone was to shoot me in the head I'd be thankful. Please crash a plane into my house. Please drop a nuclear bomb on me. Please let ISIS behead me. I'd be thankful for those things.

My filthy sack of **** body makes it near impossible to ctb. It wants to keep me here and suffer like this forever.

But it all ends when I choose to end it. If there is no afterlife, me dying is the same as the world ending, atleast to me. One milisecond after I'm dead an eternity would've passed and humanity be burned in hell long ago.

I have the power to end it all. And I will. Soon enough. Going to start preparations today. I hope when I'll be free from this world, the little good in me, my soul will be free.

Why is there a line through this person's Nik?

 

[ExitTheDay]

Yeah same, I feel like shit being part of a species that is so fucking invasive, please cleanse this earth of humans with the next mass extinction... its bound to happen!