Venting i can't stop thinking about my ex. kms.

[pebpebpebpeb]

sorry, i feel sometimes i post a lot. i don't have much else to do. i don't think some people on here like me but that is okay. i am open to constructive criticism of my ideas and comments at any time.

title. everything went downhill around june 2023. i was an asshole, and he was an asshole. i think i was the bigger jerk, though, at least at the ending couple of months. i can barely remember anything because my mind is so foggy and has been for a while now. i'm not sure if i should get that checked out or not. but i'm not going to read back through our texts, that'll just trigger me further...

i dated him for about 1 year in person, but i had to move away, and then it was around 2 years e-dating. he got jealous that i was hyperfixated on a series and paid more attention to the characters than him...? to this day i have no idea how one can be jealous of a fictonal character. but i suppose i may not be seeing the whole story. there are always two sides, after all. i hate that he occupies my mind, i want to know if he still thinks of me as well. there is no way in hell am i texting him again to find out. so i suppose i'll have to find a way to cope with this anxiety and obsession.

the worse part is i sent him 'photos' after we broke up during some sort of emotional episode. and i hate that he even enabled me to do that, he asked me to send them. i hate myself for being that gullible. after that happened, he messaged me saying he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. i keep looking at his profile for any signs of change, and i feel so embarassed and gross. i can't even listen to the music i've connected to him because it triggers me into a breakdown. i know i'm being dramatic, but i truly don't know how to stop feeling like this.

tonight i'm going to try partial hanging. i want to feel something again.

does anyone have any advice? do you have a story similar to this? anything will be helpful right now. thank you for reading through my bullshit.

 

[Malaria]

he got jealous that i was hyperfixated on a series and paid more attention to the characters than him...? to this day i have no idea how one can be jealous of a fictonal character.

Oh god my ex was the same. He got upset because I was super passionate about a series I loved. It was so weird, like he thought I cared more about anime than him and I had to reassure him that that's not true. It was bizarre thinking someone could be jealous of K-ON, but that's what happened.

 

[SadLad]

Hi. A lot of people have sent photos of themselves to others when in distressful situations. It sounds like you weren't thinking straight and wanted his approval. He should have known better too. Please don't blame yourself :) I've had similar experiences where my ex didn't want nothing to do with me, it hurts. BAD. You need to just try forget about them but that's easier said than done. Do you have any hobbies? Chat to me before you try CTB.

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

Oh god my ex was the same. He got upset because I was super passionate about a series I loved. It was so weird, like he thought I cared more about anime than him and I had to reassure him that that's not true. It was bizarre thinking someone could be jealous of K-ON, but that's what happened.

it's so strange! they must have really bad insecurities or something. he made me feel guilty for enjoying something i love, but now i know that i shouldn't feel bad about having fixations. they are one of the reasons i am still alive, because i love drawing the characters out and making up stories.

Hi. A lot of people have sent photos of themselves to others when in distressful situations. It sounds like you weren't thinking straight and wanted his approval. He should have known better too. Please don't blame yourself :) I've had similar experiences where my ex didn't want nothing to do with me, it hurts. BAD. You need to just try forget about them but that's easier said than done. Do you have any hobbies? Chat to me before you try CTB.

hello, i like to do digital art and stick and poke tattoos. it makes me feel less alone to know others have done that too. it feels like it wasn't even me, i had never done something like that before. i hate being impulsive. do you have any advice on how to forget? should i strive to forgive him? i don't like being mad at people, and i know some people say 'forgive and forget.' i'd love to hear your thoughts.

 

[theboy]

Do not do CTB on impulse. At some point you will forget your ex. It is difficult but maybe a therapy can help you to solve your love problems.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I'm sorry that this is driving you to CTB. The people in our lives are needlessly cruel.

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

Do not do CTB on impulse. At some point you will forget your ex. It is difficult but maybe a therapy can help you to solve your love problems.

the next therapy appointment i have is on the 29th.. i might ask if i can move it closer. but i don't know anymore. i was thinking i could ctb on my birthday, the 25th. i just want to see what would happen and how it feels.

 

[theboy]

would this be your first ctb attempt? i had an attempt hanging from a tree with full suspension but my SI saved me. Maybe therapy can change your mind.

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

would this be your first ctb attempt? i had an attempt hanging from a tree with full suspension but my SI saved me. Maybe therapy can change your mind.

i've "attempted" before but it was just a partial hanging off of my desk that doesn't have much room between that and the floor. i was thinking i could use my doorknob. a tree would be nice, but i live in a neighborhood.

 

[theboy]

And why didn't your previous attempt work?

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

And why didn't your previous attempt work?

i was too scared. i'm scared now too but i just want to try it. i remember the feeling of being so numb and my head beating, i want to return to that.

 

[theboy]

i was too scared. i'm scared now too but i just want to try it. i remember the feeling of being so numb and my head beating, i want to return to that.

I find it curious that you want to go back to that feeling since it is not so pleasant. I hope you can find the peace you so desire. Anything PM me :)

 

[SexyIncél]

does anyone have any advice? do you have a story similar to this?

This is the ugly part of relationships, full of resentment

For advice: often helps to find a better guy. Then the previous one quickly seems so minor, petty, a sad weirdo who makes you roll your eyes. Would it help to gush about your newfound happiness, on your profile? If you guys goofed up so bad that teamwork transmuted into conflict, then you might as well win. You could block him on everything except for 1 place where you announce victory. And don't look back

You'll definitely appreciate the new guy's virtues. Like a hungry person appreciating better food

BUT! At the same time, try to soon moderate the rush of new emotions. He should not be a drug. He may not stay in your life. Soon work to go way under 100% happiness. (Some choose 60%.) Otherwise, everything else will look dull

If finding a better guy's a problem, we can discuss solving it

ymmv, of course

to this day i have no idea how one can be jealous of a fictonal character.

Hmm, were you gushing about the fictional characters? That's something I avoid doing with other people. Typically safer to talk about ideas, rather than people. Might seem cold, looking beyond characters into their underlying goals & structures. But safer

after that happened, he messaged me saying he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

Seems you guys were in a kick-down drag-out struggle? One-upping each other, in response to perceived (or real) slights? Seems he was trying to "win" by saying the final goodbye

Such people often have warning signs. Like wanting to hang up first. Sounds little, but that's what petty means

 

[Youmii]

Keep ur head up, i was in the same situation like u at the same time and after months of depression and stuff i tried to focus on other things like series i like, hobbies or whatever gives me joy :) the less u think about ur ex, the less u will remember him ! I know this wont help so much but u can atleast try to focus on urself and other things <3

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

For advice: often helps to find a better guy.

how would i go about this? i don't know anyone irl ever since i moved 2 years ago, and i just have a small friend group online.

If finding a better guy's a problem, we can discuss solving it

yes, i'd like to.

Hmm, were you gushing about the fictional characters?

i was. i would talk to the character on ai and send him funny moments during chat, but he thought it was weird and that i was delusional. he isn't wrong, i guess, but it still hurts. i just wanted to share something i loved with him, which i don't think is a bad thing. perhaps i was too excessive about it.

i feel like if i was in his situation, i would try and support my partner seeing as it makes them happy. but now i've learned not to do that anymore, at least not with people i'm dating.

Seems he was trying to "win" by saying the final goodbye

i can see this. i was an asshole in ways i don't really want to retell publicly, but i think going that far is awful. i suppose some people can't help but want revenge.

 

[SexyIncél]

how would i go about this? i don't know anyone irl ever since i moved 2 years ago, and i just have a small friend group online.

Ah, ok. My understanding of female relationship game:

1. research a guy you really like, check for apparent yellow/red flags, etc
2. do these 3 things (each has explanatory videos):

1. the Master Key. The secret to getting a relationship with a man is being useful. Women need to make men's lives easier and better in order to secure a commitment. The trick is to insinuate themselves so completely into the day-to-day operation of a man's life that it would next to impossible to extricate them from it.

2. the Hook. This is how women capture men. In order to hook a man, women have to be the nastiest, slutiest versions of themselves possible. A woman's sexual behavior is the primary way men gauge her interest and attraction. So she needs to do things for him that she hasn't done with any other man -- and, ideally, that he hasn't done with any other woman.

3. the Unbreakable Rule. If a woman has proven herself both functionally useful and sexually exciting, and she still hasn't been able to retain a desired relationship, in most cases it is because she has violated the unbreakable rule, namely: she has been difficult and disrespectful. Under no circumstances, can a woman allow herself to disrespect the man she wants. No exceptions.

(For some of the asexual people among us, I know "the Hook" can be daunting. But we're just trying to do what's feasible & sustainable)

So we're now on problem #1. That means finding where the males (or females?) of your species hang out. What are the options? Feel free to PM me if you wish privacy!

Like, what are the barriers to knowing people irl? And where do you like to meet like-minded people online?