Venting i cant stand my ctb thoughts but i dont wanna die

[𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒐𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒊𝒄]

idk how to just get rid of my f****** ctb thoughts, i can hardly live normally now. could anyone please help me or teach me how? i would be most thankful

 

[peacetime]

Healthcare professionals would say, "many years of therapy".
Meds can also help and fix the problem for many.

 

[Josh007]

I had this for quite sometime. Now I'm a little bit better.
Sometimes it would come back stronger, weaker. But it's still somewhat present.
What helped the most was making a commitment not to ctb. From then on it was recovery and relapse. I felt like shit for a long time. I felt that would be my whole live. With practice and time it definitely subsided.
I then took on a zero suicide related thoughts policy. It was again, shit. The worst, it felt literally disgusting, being someone who I was not. Wrong.
Eventually it got easier. Then worse. Then easier.
Nowadays I even forget I was suicidal.
Still sometimes I still feel like shit, like right now but I'm more confident it will get better.
I literally just today I was wondering when did i stopped feeling like what you describe.

 

[disorder]

id recommend therapy (psychologist and psychiatrist) if you haven't tried it yet, but please: find good professionals you can trust (if you can afford them), don't lie to them and follow their instructions (specially if you are medicated), know it is a very long and hard journey (it isn't easy but know recovery is possible, specially if you know this thoughts are not normal in you, it is a rollercoaster but i repeat it is possible)

i wish you the best

 

[wait.what]

Do these seem like intrusive thoughts to you? Like are you feeling like you want to live, but thoughts of suicide prod you all the time, no matter how hard you try to get rid of them? Or is it more like you're tired of living and would like to die, but wish you didn't feel that way?

If you're having intrusive thoughts that make you anxious, but you really don't want to die, that could be something like obsessive compulsive disorder. If you're acutely miserable and are willing to consider absolutely anything to make it stop, including suicide, that would likely get you diagnosed with depression.

Of course it may not be that simple… it could be neither. It's just everyone thinks "depression" when they hear about suicide, while it might not actually be so.

In any case, if you're feeling troubled by the thought that you might attempt suicide, please do seek help. It's not like death is a limited-time offer that's going to expire. ;) So long as life holds interest for you, why not stay?

 

[AloneInCollege]

Try checking out the recovery section on this site, it can be helpful if you're looking for help in that field. Personally, I'm not sure, for me it often feels like nothing works. But everyone is different so you could try medicine and therapy.

 

[𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒐𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒊𝒄]

Healthcare professionals would say, "many years of therapy".
Meds can also help and fix the problem for many.

id recommend therapy (psychologist and psychiatrist) if you haven't tried it yet, but please: find good professionals you can trust (if you can afford them), don't lie to them and follow their instructions (specially if you are medicated), know it is a very long and hard journey (it isn't easy but know recovery is possible, specially if you know this thoughts are not normal in you, it is a rollercoaster but i repeat it is possible)

i wish you the best

Do these seem like intrusive thoughts to you? Like are you feeling like you want to live, but thoughts of suicide prod you all the time, no matter how hard you try to get rid of them? Or is it more like you're tired of living and would like to die, but wish you didn't feel that way?

If you're having intrusive thoughts that make you anxious, but you really don't want to die, that could be something like obsessive compulsive disorder. If you're acutely miserable and are willing to consider absolutely anything to make it stop, including suicide, that would likely get you diagnosed with depression.

Of course it may not be that simple… it could be neither. It's just everyone thinks "depression" when they hear about suicide, while it might not actually be so.

In any case, if you're feeling troubled by the thought that you might attempt suicide, please do seek help. It's not like death is a limited-time offer that's going to expire. ;) So long as life holds interest for you, why not stay?

Try checking out the recovery section on this site, it can be helpful if you're looking for help in that field. Personally, I'm not sure, for me it often feels like nothing works. But everyone is different so you could try medicine and therapy.

thank you all so much
i am not able or available to get help/ treatments sadly, thats why im all there suffering alone. but i will try my best to beat it, at least a little.
maybe it would suddenly get worse someday, then i might just listen to the call of hell and ctb lol
wishing the best for y'all :)

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry you are so troubled by these thoughts. I definitely agree with @AloneInCollege - that the Recovery section is more likely to have people who actively try to fight these thoughts. I get the impression a lot of us in this part have accepted these thoughts as kind of normal now. (I have anyway!)

 

[𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒐𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒊𝒄]

Do these seem like intrusive thoughts to you? Like are you feeling like you want to live, but thoughts of suicide prod you all the time, no matter how hard you try to get rid of them? Or is it more like you're tired of living and would like to die, but wish you didn't feel that way?

If you're having intrusive thoughts that make you anxious, but you really don't want to die, that could be something like obsessive compulsive disorder. If you're acutely miserable and are willing to consider absolutely anything to make it stop, including suicide, that would likely get you diagnosed with depression.

Of course it may not be that simple… it could be neither. It's just everyone thinks "depression" when they hear about suicide, while it might not actually be so.

In any case, if you're feeling troubled by the thought that you might attempt suicide, please do seek help. It's not like death is a limited-time offer that's going to expire. ;) So long as life holds interest for you, why not stay?

and i shall specially thank you again :)
your words did touch my heart, and your suggestions were useful and helpful (though i am not able to try all sadly)
wish you the best, love from the other side of the earth