Venting I can't imagine dealing with suicidal ideation and fighting addiction cravings for another like 60 some odd years

[KillingPain267]

The idea is repugnant and rebarbative. My currently inactive addictions feel like a ticking time bomb and my deficiency of purpose for any future makes me feel like a broken vehicle that cannot move. I can't be expected to suddenly get purpose and never think about suicide as a viable solution to challenges in life that seem insurmountable.

 

[twilightSparriw]

'60 odd years' is a bit if a long shot don't you think? The world is bit messy… life can be too…

 

[CravingPeace]

The idea is repugnant and rebarbative. My currently inactive addictions feel like a ticking time bomb and my deficiency of purpose for any future makes me feel like a broken vehicle that cannot move. I can't be expected to suddenly get purpose and never think about suicide as a viable solution to challenges in life that seem insurmountable.

This is EXACTLY how I feel, too.

 

[KillingPain267]

'60 odd years' is a bit if a long shot don't you think? The world is bit messy… life can be too…

Yeah, it's only gonna get worse. It's not like I forget trauma or my chronic pain disappears suddenly.

 

[rs929]

I find some solace in the thought that I don't know the future, and I might die much earlier than I think

 

[KillingPain267]

I find some solace in the thought that I don't know the future, and I might die much earlier than I think

I feel like stuck in time

 

[TheHolySword]

Same. The idea of even doing it another year is impossible to me. This will be my last year.

 

[derekWest]

The idea is repugnant and rebarbative. My currently inactive addictions feel like a ticking time bomb and my deficiency of purpose for any future makes me feel like a broken vehicle that cannot move. I can't be expected to suddenly get purpose and never think about suicide as a viable solution to challenges in life that seem insurmountable.

That's why having a ready ctb material in my bedroom give me some relief : I will not stay on earth for again 60 years if I don't want !

 

[grapevoid]

The idea is repugnant and rebarbative. My currently inactive addictions feel like a ticking time bomb and my deficiency of purpose for any future makes me feel like a broken vehicle that cannot move. I can't be expected to suddenly get purpose and never think about suicide as a viable solution to challenges in life that seem insurmountable.

Are you a drug addict or are we talking other kinds of addictions? If it is drugs (or alcohol) are you comfortable sharing how long you have been sober? I'm curious about the length of time the cravings are still an issue, for personal knowledge.

 

[CravingPeace]

Are you a drug addict or are we talking other kinds of addictions? If it is drugs (or alcohol) are you comfortable sharing how long you have been sober? I'm curious about the length of time the cravings are still an issue, for personal knowledge.

Personally I'm 6 months sober from alcohol/weed and the cravings definitely do still come especially when stressed/bored. But they have lessened in intensity

 

[grapevoid]

I can't be expected to suddenly get purpose and never think about suicide as a viable solution to challenges in life that seem insurmountable

once you've crossed into suicidal ideation… I just wonder if it ever goes away? I feel as though even when life is "good" Suicide is always on the table for me.

Is it even realistic to think we can ever not see it as a viable option?

Personally I'm 6 months sober from alcohol/weed and the cravings definitely do still come especially when stressed/bored. But they have lessened in intensity

thank you and congratulations on your sobriety!

 

[twilightSparriw]

once you've crossed into suicidal ideation… I just wonder if it ever goes away? I feel as though even when life is "good" Suicide is always on the table for me.

Is it even realistic to think we can ever not see it as a viable option?

thank you and congratulations on your sobriety!

That's so true! Once you crossed… i feel like when the 'big taboo' has worn off… it becomes your trustworthy little friend that's always around, ready to be summoned…

 

[notreallybored]

The idea is repugnant and rebarbative. My currently inactive addictions feel like a ticking time bomb and my deficiency of purpose for any future makes me feel like a broken vehicle that cannot move. I can't be expected to suddenly get purpose and never think about suicide as a viable solution to challenges in life that seem insurmountable.

ב''ה,
Sometimes life is a shitty Artie Lange bit, but if you drop what the struggles are as fucked up as this site is there's a decent amount of experience and/or acute phase anecdotes.

Most stuff, if you really have to, can be kicked in two years aside from actual biological impulses, but it can be a shitty two years. In fairness that's kind of the worst case.

That doesn't make the rest of the world any better or more affordable but for a specific unsustainable problem hope that helps any.

 

[Tombs_in_your_eyes]

once you've crossed into suicidal ideation… I just wonder if it ever goes away? I feel as though even when life is "good" Suicide is always on the table for me.

From my own experience, yes, it can go away, at least by 99+%. I was chronically suicidal for a decade as a teenager and into my college years. Then I graduated, and life was pretty good for many years. I would experience episodes of suicidality - maybe once every 3-4 months - and they would last just a few hours. I'd go up to my room and just go, right, I just need to ride this pain out, I know it will pass later today. And it always did.

(I'm back now because my life became unbelievably fucked up through some extraordinarily bad luck. If that hadn't have happened, I'd still be living like I described above.)

 

[opheliaoveragain]

The idea is repugnant and rebarbative. My currently inactive addictions feel like a ticking time bomb and my deficiency of purpose for any future makes me feel like a broken vehicle that cannot move. I can't be expected to suddenly get purpose and never think about suicide as a viable solution to challenges in life that seem insurmountable.

big relate. sending you a hug OP. addiction is a cruel bitch.

 

[RinneOfAragon]

I try not to think that far ahead. Just take it a day at a time. Its good to try to have some plans but I know when things are chaotic it's just fire fighting. Sending you a massive hug also!

 

[grapevoid]

From my own experience, yes, it can go away, at least by 99+%. I was chronically suicidal for a decade as a teenager and into my college years. Then I graduated, and life was pretty good for many years. I would experience episodes of suicidality - maybe once every 3-4 months - and they would last just a few hours. I'd go up to my room and just go, right, I just need to ride this pain out, I know it will pass later today. And it always did.

(I'm back now because my life became unbelievably fucked up through some extraordinarily bad luck. If that hadn't have happened, I'd still be living like I described above.)

Oof idk… I've been chronically suicidal too since I can remember - at least since 15 and the only time I didn't think about it constantly was when I was in the midst of something pretty traumatic, once that subsided it came right back. I've been very happy at times in my life! I got married, graduated college.. twice. Had a family. Still even on a good day, it's been there. I don't believe it'll ever go away for me. But I mean obviously right now I'm not very happy LOL but there were times I was.
For what it's worth- I've not always felt compelled to act on it or dwell on it, but it's an inherent part of my normal thought process. I've done a lot of therapy, I can see it for what it is and move on when things are good.
I can't even imagine a life where I don't /didn't have to regularly tell myself "that's crazy, why are you even going there right now?"

 

[KillingPain267]

I try not to think that far ahead. Just take it a day at a time. Its good to try to have some plans but I know when things are chaotic it's just fire fighting. Sending you a massive hug also!

Yeah, I rarely even think about it, which is why the idea of living my life full is unfathomable to me. I also have this syndrome called foreshortened future.