I can’t go on but need help with method

[wasamom]

A decade ago I was a proud mom of three beautiful boys and thought my life was finally coming together after the hell of my childhood.
I was put into modeling when I was 3 years old and remained under strict contract until my 19th birthday. I've never wanted to be looked at in that way. I wanted people to hear my words, not judge my face. They never did. I take pride in my education and love learning new stuff, but what's the point?
I stupidly got married young (partially to escape that world). That was just another fail.
Fast forward to 6 years ago. I have had nearly every bone in my body broken and over 200 stitches and I'm now legally disabled. I got away with my boys but the monsters wouldn't stop, they still won't.
I've lost everything in just the past 6 years. My home, my stability and then on the absolute worst days of my life I lost my 3 boys.
I don't talk to many people, really only 2. They try to keep me positive and make me happy but I just can't find the point anymore. I just want to be with my babies. I still see them everywhere and hear them laughing and joking around picking on each other. I need to go before I lose those too. I've failed before so I truly want to make sure I have a solid plan.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrific what you've been through so I hope you find the freedom you wish for, this world where humans create so much harm is such a hellish place to me and it really is so devastating how existing can easily get much more unbearable.

 

[dialogos]

I'm sorry to ask, who took your boys? Was it the state? Are you denied access to your kids? You mentioned massive injuries, was this domestic abuse? It seems like you can get social media influencers involved in your case since you want your kids back. They may be able to get you in touch with people and resources you need to get your kids back

 

[wasamom]

There was an accident. My baby was driving too fast. They were just going fishing. They were supposed to be right back. We had finally escaped my abusive husband. It was supposed to be time for us to start over.

 

[CW36]

A decade ago I was a proud mom of three beautiful boys and thought my life was finally coming together after the hell of my childhood.
I was put into modeling when I was 3 years old and remained under strict contract until my 19th birthday. I've never wanted to be looked at in that way. I wanted people to hear my words, not judge my face. They never did. I take pride in my education and love learning new stuff, but what's the point?
I stupidly got married young (partially to escape that world). That was just another fail.
Fast forward to 6 years ago. I have had nearly every bone in my body broken and over 200 stitches and I'm now legally disabled. I got away with my boys but the monsters wouldn't stop, they still won't.
I've lost everything in just the past 6 years. My home, my stability and then on the absolute worst days of my life I lost my 3 boys.
I don't talk to many people, really only 2. They try to keep me positive and make me happy but I just can't find the point anymore. I just want to be with my babies. I still see them everywhere and hear them laughing and joking around picking on each other. I need to go before I lose those too. I've failed before so I truly want to make sure I have a solid plan.

I can relate to the looking part. If you stand out looks wise that's how you're unfortunately judged (at face value) and people stare and it's generally uncomfortable. It makes you want to avoid social situations sometimes and trust becomes more of an issue, because you don't know their angle / agenda. My mum rejected the advances of the modelling agencies. Everyone assumes someone who stands out is unattainable, a playa, a cheat, the usual. But you'll usually find many are sensitive souls and couldn't be further from the stereotype. I've found people either treat you better or worse than others, depending on their angle. I'm sorry to hear about your violent partner and the kids, that's terrible. May I ask what method is going through your thoughts?

 

[wasamom]

I can relate to the looking part. If you stand out looks wise that's how you're unfortunately judged (at face value) and people stare and it's generally uncomfortable. It makes you want to avoid social situations sometimes and trust becomes more of an issue, because you don't know their angle / agenda. My mum rejected the advances of the modelling agencies. Everyone assumes someone who stands out is unattainable, a playa, a cheat, the usual. But you'll usually find many are sensitive souls and couldn't be further from the stereotype. I've found people either treat you better or worse than others, depending on their angle. I'm sorry to hear about your violent partner and the kids, that's terrible. May I ask what method is going through your thoughts?

I'm not quite sure yet. I don't care for pain but am unfortunately very familiar with it I'd prefer just not to make a mess I guess?

 

[CW36]

I'm not quite sure yet. I don't care for pain but am unfortunately very familiar with it I'd prefer just not to make a mess I guess?

Well if pain isn't an issue that leaves you with more options of course. You're from the US, so I presume you'll ruled out firearms, based on not wanting to make a mess?

 

[wasamom]

I'd love ideas, I just want it to be quick and quiet so I can just disappear

Well if pain isn't an issue that leaves you with more options of course. You're welcome in the US, so I presume you'll ruled out firearms, based on not wanting to make a mess?

That'd be way too loud and too messy. But it definitely crossed my mind a few times

 

[CW36]

I'd love ideas, I just want it to be quick and quiet so I can just disappear

That'd be way too loud and too messy. But it definitely crossed my mind a few times

Okay, well if you're 100% about CTB, pain isn't an issue and you don't want it to be loud and messy, then the quickest and most efficient/ successful way after firearms would be full suspension hanging. Their are more methods of course, but almost all the rest require more planning and take time to gather materials. Plus they haven't got better success rates than FSH. It's the number one method as worldwide whole. But if there's an element of doubt and you're happy to delay for a time, then I'd advise just making sure you're 100% before attempting full or even partial suspension, because you can blackout quick and might not recover. Recovery in Full is almost impossible with a smart setup, unlike overdoses for example.

 

[wasamom]

Okay, well if you're 100% about CTB, pain isn't an issue and you don't want it to be loud and messy, then the quickest and most efficient/ successful way after firearms would be full suspension hanging. If you're not keen on that, then a fall from at least 150ft should suffice. Their are more methods of course, but almost all the rest require more planning and take time to gather materials. Plus they haven't got better success rates than FSH. It's the number one method as worldwide whole. But if there's an element of doubt and you're happy to delay for a time, then I'd advise just making sure you're 100% before attempting either of those, because they're very effective and there's no going back, unlike overdoses for example.

I do like the idea of jumping but being disabled it's hard for me to get to any appropriate height without someone else there. I can't have someone interfering I was thinking Co2 on a camping trip maybe?

I do like the idea of jumping but being disabled it's hard for me to get to any appropriate height without someone else there. I can't have someone interfering I was thinking Co2 on a camping trip maybe?

Honestly I've been thinking about CTB for a long time now, but I'm definitely going to take my time to make sure it's the last time and that I'm truly ready. But seeing them smile every time I close my eyes, every moment of every day, makes me want nothing more

 

[CW36]

I do like the idea of jumping but being disabled it's hard for me to get to any appropriate height without someone else there. I can't have someone interfering I was thinking Co2 on a camping trip maybe?

Yeah, it's not a very popular method in the Western World anymore, now that people are more enlightened as it were. It has to be one of the worst failed attempts to survive, alongside immolation. And it's messy, so sorry, I shouldn't have even mentioned it and I edited it. Yes, if you can get hold of the materials, have you looked into it already?

 

[wasamom]

Yeah, it's not a very popular method in the Western World anymore, now that people are more enlightened as it were. It has to be one of the worst failed attempts to survive, alongside immolation. And it's messy, so sorry, I shouldn't have even mentioned it and I edited it. Yes, if you can get hold of the materials, have you looked into it already?

I've looked into it a little but really just started getting more serious knowing that I'm not alone. I can get ahold of pretty much any material through delivery. They never question an artist with random orders

 

[dialogos]

There was an accident. My baby was driving too fast. They were just going fishing. They were supposed to be right back. We had finally escaped my abusive husband. It was supposed to be time for us to start over.

I'm ...speechless... I hope you or someone with love and talent can write a book about what you and your family went thru. Its so sad it really made my eyes tear up reading it.

Do you have a doctor who can prescribe you really strong opoid based painkillers? You mentioned disability, probably you can pretend to be in chronic pain and get the painkillers prescribed. Do read up about the most powerful opioid based painkillers and see if you can steer your doc to give it to you.