Venting I can't fight it anymore

[Pepega]

Hi guys, I don't know if you still remember me, I've been missing in the past 2 months...I met a very special person and I tried my best to try and recover with her help, or at least cheat death for a little longer, I was very hopeful that it can get better, but it got even scarier as I realised I can't be helped, my mind is way to fucked up, I tried to move in a new city, find a job, but everything fell apart, I even got scammed and lost most of my goods, including the sn and anti emetics that gave me some peace of mind, and now can't order more from a trustworthy shop.You know those people that have families, kids, nice careers, but they still commit suicide? That's the kind of monster I have in me, except I'm not functional at all and can't do anything, can't find relief or pleasure in anything, it's just constant suffering and I feel everything is against me.

It's really heartbreaking that despite finding someone that makes it worth living and that understands me, and wants to do everything to help me, I am still desperate to get out of this place.I really wish I could have stayed more, but the circumstances don't allow it, and it's not worth it if I can't be happy, and I don't want to destroy that person's life even more.I will try and stay until the beginning of july to see something and get new sn and pills, but after that, I just wanna go home...

 

[spanishguy22]

i relate a lot. i remember your avatar and i thought it was funny in a way. i got sn, and i hope i can leave this life with it. hug

 

[Basel]

sometimes your fate is destined for failure, you have to accept that its not your fault, try doing the thing you enjoy the most(living in the woods etc..) it maybe just could change your look on life nature is amazing.

 

[JadedGray]

I'm sorry things haven't worked out for you, despite making a good effort.

 

[ExitTheDay]

First of all fuck the people who scammed you, they are the biggest pieces of shit ever... second of all I admire your courage to fix yourself for the better, keep this person that you know that understands you close because I've realised the only friend I've got is one of the only people that is keeping me alive today, it just sucks that shes too far away from me

 

[randomguy]

I'm at a point of my life that I can't ignore anymore that the contempt I suffer is bounded to my bones even if I can't explain it by now. Maybe I'm alone because I'm always sad, maybe I'm alone because I scare people with too much feelings. Love is something bad to share. Anyway, I know the feeling of being the destroyer of your own life even tho some people liked you and tryed to help