I can't even self harm, how am i supposed to beat SI?

[tryme]

I had a knife lying there for months, but im paranoid about damaging my body and getting infections or more health problems, since im already dying 24/7 from endless ones. I'm such a coward that can't even self-harm while teenagers do it all the time and even ctb. I'm an old man. This should be a piece of cake, i shouldn't even think. Week is ending, time is nearly over.
Sometimes i have the urge to stab myself in the heart chest neck or head, but i know it most likely won't work. Or jump out of 4th story window, i think the chance is around 50/50 from this height, its better than nothing, since there's a 100% chance i'll be a living vegetable in the near future from circumstances surrounding me. I still remember a long time ago i had such a strong urge to jump out my balcony i had to grip myself to the bed to stop myself from going there.

 

[HowToCTB]

You're not a coward.
Thing is, you can feel as sure as you want, but I think that the choice remains uncertain until it actually turns into reality.
"What if I cut myself now, failed, and my situation changed and I didn't want to CTB anymore?" Or delay it... "Change" in the sense of being forced to face what we were trying to avoid, or being unable to try again because of surveillance or permanent damage.

I know it may make little sense, but not even that little, as many people here look for a quick and reliable method (and for a reason, I'd say, as nobody wants scars or to get physical damage...).

That's why some people take drugs. To put themselves in a condition in which the body just can't react. This is what I read here.

 

[listobetty]

self harm is a very slippery slope, it's a good thing if you don't do it, it does not make you weak. trust me this is not something you want to be doing, there is a chance it could get infected and a very high chance of scars. personally, i hate my scars. so you aren't a coward or anything if you don't.

 

[PinballWizard39]

As someone who has self harmed for decades, I can tell you that as much as ^ is correct, SH is very different to wanting to CTB, although they can be related. SH is more about trying to stay alive during unimaginable pain. CTB is about being done with trying to live with the pain. Your worries about infection etc, are valid in that it is a very real possibility because in the aftermath of SH, you will (in 99% of cases), still be alive and having to deal with the consequences.

You are not a coward for not being able to SH, it sounds more to me that you've almost skipped that and gone straight for the CTB mindset. Even my urges to SH disappear when I reach a certain point, just because I know it wouldn't help and my mind skips to CTB.

I might be talking crap, and if I am, I apologise.

 

[CatLove56]

People have to be wired differently to hurt themselves like that and I'm pretty sure that's like 1 in 10 capable of that. Suicide takes huge amounts of courage and again most people can't do that. If it were so easy the human race would not have made it this far. It is without a doubt very frustrating because I'm so tired of this.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really wish it's not so unnecessarily difficult to die, it's so immensely cruel to me how people cannot just have the option to cease existing painlessly with no risks, trying to die going wrong is exactly what I'd fear and is what sounds so horrific to me. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you find peace eventually.

 

[Minsu]

A bit off topic

What does self harm give you guys? Do you get high when you're cutting yourself or something?

 

[another_creature]

I had a knife lying there for months, but im paranoid about damaging my body and getting infections or more health problems, since im already dying 24/7 from endless ones. I'm such a coward that can't even self-harm while teenagers do it all the time and even ctb. I'm an old man. This should be a piece of cake, i shouldn't even think. Week is ending, time is nearly over.
Sometimes i have the urge to stab myself in the heart chest neck or head, but i know it most likely won't work. Or jump out of 4th story window, i think the chance is around 50/50 from this height, its better than nothing, since there's a 100% chance i'll be a living vegetable in the near future from circumstances surrounding me. I still remember a long time ago i had such a strong urge to jump out my balcony i had to grip myself to the bed to stop myself from going there.

My sister jumped from 4th floor and died instantly. This is not something to cheer you on though, I guess I just keep flip flopping between other people surviving higher heights and being happy for her she doesn't have to suffer. Oh a d jealousy.
Anyway, there are many ways and a lot of them are certain. If your SI is still there it might not be your time yet. It's never too late to end it all I suppose. For now we are here with you for better or worse

 

[msesis]

I had a knife lying there for months, but im paranoid about damaging my body and getting infections or more health problems, since im already dying 24/7 from endless ones. I'm such a coward that can't even self-harm while teenagers do it all the time and even ctb. I'm an old man. This should be a piece of cake, i shouldn't even think. Week is ending, time is nearly over.
Sometimes i have the urge to stab myself in the heart chest neck or head, but i know it most likely won't work. Or jump out of 4th story window, i think the chance is around 50/50 from this height, its better than nothing, since there's a 100% chance i'll be a living vegetable in the near future from circumstances surrounding me. I still remember a long time ago i had such a strong urge to jump out my balcony i had to grip myself to the bed to stop myself from going there.

fwiw, I think jumping from 5 stories is a guaranteed death.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

A bit off topic

What does self harm give you guys? Do you get high when you're cutting yourself or something?

SH can provide emotional release and can also be used as a way to external your feelings or it can be used to punish yourself. When we get hurt, the body releases endorphins that help to ease our pain and relieve stress and those who SH may, over time, become addicted to those endorphins.

 

[Minsu]

SH can provide emotional release and can also be used as a way to external your feelings or it can be used to punish yourself. When we get hurt, the body releases endorphins that help to ease our pain and relieve stress and those who SH may, over time, become addicted to those endorphins.

Thanks, so interesting!

 

[rosepanda]

A bit off topic

What does self harm give you guys? Do you get high when you're cutting yourself or something?

I don't SH often but it gives me a sense of control over my pain and helps me focus on something else for the meantime

 

[dinosavr]

fwiw, I think jumping from 5 stories is a guaranteed death.

I wishhh. But it isn't though. It should be at least 10 stories with landing on concrete to be sure.
If you're unlucky, jumping from 8th floor may not kill you and just cause you a lifetime injury.