Birdie
Member
- Sep 19, 2020
- 82
One of my first memories ever is my father, looking like a monster, breaking a chair. I was so young, and was so scared because of the noise and the way he looked like a monster. Even now, I tremble over any small noise, I'm constantly vigilant because of everything I went through at such a young age... it was always like this when he was mad. Things breaking, making loud noises, cry noises... My father was bipolar, not a bad person, but bipolar... it was very difficult to me to understand that he truly loved me, because one day he was so kind to me and all of a sudden... a monster. I understand now, but back then, I didn't feel loved enough. Then, he died, and things didn't get any better. Actually, it got worse, because my mother (who already had a fragile mental health, just wasn't as aggressive as him) became worse, affecting me for all these years. A different kind of violence. She's not a bad person either, just mentally ill. I love my parents, but being their child is torture... what comforts me is that my pain will be over someday, and I feel this day approaching. I can't wait to be free and never thinking about anything again. I want to rest, I didn't do anything to deserve all of this, and please let me say that none of us did. You can trust these words. 
