I want to die. I want to die I want to die I want to die. I want to end everything that is me. I'm torn. The only person who really understands me, the only friend I have that is there for me and needs me as much as I need them has been gone for almost a year now in a mental rehab place and the one thing I want to do before I leave this awful life is be with her one last time. It could be another year until she's out and she has no phone, no visitors, no real way of being able to be with me. She hates it there and I feel awful for her, I love her more than anything and hate to see her in such a bad place. I know that putting out my suffering will only increase hers when she stops getting my letters and eventually receives the news. I don't know what to do. I fantasize about leaving my hanging, lifeless body in my room. I know its completely selfish, but I feel like it might make someone care. Care that I'm here, care that I spend most days stuffing my face with pillows so that my family can't hear me sobbing, care that I reach out to them only to be constantly rejected. The other tough thing is that I know happiness. I remember the feeling of squeezing my grandma's hand during her last years, seeing my baby sister smile back at me just a few days ago, laughing with the friends that used to seem to love me back, going out with my boyfriend the first few times. I'm young. I know I can feel those things again, but they're so far and few that they are no match for the darkness engulfing me. Sorry for the rant, I just have nowhere else to turn and this misery is unbearable.
Stick
Experienced
- Aug 31, 2020
- 269
Don't be sorry, this is exactly the place for expressing these feelings. It's welcome.
I don't have any advice but I have heart, and I feel for you. You obviously care for your friend so much, and I'm sure you would be there for her if you were mentally able to be. It isn't selfish to do what you need to do.
I hope you can feel that happiness again someday, and I'm rooting for you to rediscover it.
I don't have any advice but I have heart, and I feel for you. You obviously care for your friend so much, and I'm sure you would be there for her if you were mentally able to be. It isn't selfish to do what you need to do.
I hope you can feel that happiness again someday, and I'm rooting for you to rediscover it.
I am so sorry for you as far as the depth of misery that you are experiencing. My heart breaks into 2 pieces for you. Lots of hugs and nice bright sunny days for you.You are the best!!!!!!!!
There's no need to be sorry. I'm happy to always listen. It sounds like you're in a lot of pain, but still can see potential of happiness. I hope tomorrow is a better day.
Deleted member 22650
Student
- Oct 7, 2020
- 153
Lots of people here I think feel the same loneliness you feel, it's hard to no be noticed by anyone, but on the bright you have a friend who you know would be there for you when she's out, that's super great!
I wouldn't CTB if I was in your case, honestly i know it's gonna be hard but try to distract yourself, find somethings you like to do, could be drawing, gaming, listening to movies whatever fits you just occupy your mind, but I feel you whatever I do I'd rather do it with somebody then doing it alone.
Don't give up, if you need friends and people to talk to I'm sure lots of people here would be willing to fulfull that desire for you, me included that is until I CTB.
I wouldn't CTB if I was in your case, honestly i know it's gonna be hard but try to distract yourself, find somethings you like to do, could be drawing, gaming, listening to movies whatever fits you just occupy your mind, but I feel you whatever I do I'd rather do it with somebody then doing it alone.
Don't give up, if you need friends and people to talk to I'm sure lots of people here would be willing to fulfull that desire for you, me included that is until I CTB.
thank you. it means a lot to know somebody cares, even a stranger.
thank you, you deserve the same! lots of love
Last edited:
I'm sorry that you feel this way. Have you tried getting help? Antidepressants could help you feel better so the misery isn't overwhelming.
Similar threads
Suicide Discussion
alienfreak
- angel-of-death
- Suicide Discussion
Suicide Discussion
athiestjoe