Venting i cant do it anymore

[rowfish]

im tired. im fucking tired of all of this. i dont want to live anymore but i dont wanna die either. my friends will be sad if i die but i cant seem to find ANYTHING to help. everything in my life is stressing me out. i stopped eating as much and sleeping a lot more and now my mum is saying that i'll be adding onto her stress if i make her pay anymore medical bills relating to my poor eating habits. she just says that she doesnt want me to create trouble for her but doesnt even bring up that she's worried or anything. it's like she only thinks of me as yet another bill to pay and I HATE IT. im jsut so exhausted and its only been about a month and a half into my school year. i cant cut myself as much because my parents will obviously notice it if i cut on my arm, i cant cut anywhere else because it just doesnt feel the same as on my arm. i hate living, it's so tiring. my parents just seem to disregard my feelings in favor of my brother. today i didnt go to school because i was just so done with everything. guess fucking what? my brother stayed home too, yet my mum only lectured ME. while saying i should go study instead of watching tv. bitch i will literally hang myself do NOT lecture me about slacking off and enjoying myself when my brother is doing the SAME THING. I FUCKING HATE LVING IM DONE IM DONE I HATE THIS JSUT KILL ME ALREADY FUYCKING HEL;L I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE I JUST WANNA DIE

its just so difficult for me to get out of bed, i cant seem to find a reason to keep going anymore. im sick and tired and done with it all

 

[misterhippo]

Real

 

[lolkid66]

Do you like doing stuff like going outside or drawing? Anything that makes/made u happy?

 

[Worndown]

You can get into a routine that is easy, but destructive.
Go for a walk. Look at birds.
Once you vary your inputs, tomorrow might be easier.

 

[myhoney]

I feel you on this. Everytime I feel like I'm getting better my mom pulls some bullshit. She obviously favors my sister so its hard to even think she'd be sad if I'd be gone. I can relate to how that feels, and its not fair you're going through this tbh. Parents should love and respect their children instead of driving them half insane with their petty definitions of what makes one a 'good child' from a 'bad one'. My advice is find something you can control outside of your household. For me, I became an officer in my college's game developement club. Participating in club activities and planning events helped me feel like I finally had something my sister couldn't take/be better at than me. But that's just what worked for me, I hope you can find something that will ease the suffering your mom is causing you.

 

[rowfish]

You can get into a routine that is easy, but destructive.
Go for a walk. Look at birds.
Once you vary your inputs, tomorrow might be easier.

thank you, I'll try

I feel you on this. Everytime I feel like I'm getting better my mom pulls some bullshit. She obviously favors my sister so its hard to even think she'd be sad if I'd be gone. I can relate to how that feels, and its not fair you're going through this tbh. Parents should love and respect their children instead of driving them half insane with their petty definitions of what makes one a 'good child' from a 'bad one'. My advice is find something you can control outside of your household. For me, I became an officer in my college's game developement club. Participating in club activities and planning events helped me feel like I finally had something my sister couldn't take/be better at than me. But that's just what worked for me, I hope you can find something that will ease the suffering your mom is causing you.

thank you for your support

Do you like doing stuff like going outside or drawing? Anything that makes/made u happy?

i like drawing and writing sometimes... i can try that

 

[Decayinganyways]

real (sayori is peak)