Story I cant bring myself to take SN idk what to do

[Kta1994]

I dont know what im living for anymore
Im just trying to get day by day without overthinking how my situation is FU**** my pain is far for being managed, i can barely walk, cant enjoy food because of how my digestion is impaired and not working at all, cant spend one second without pain. The distractions are not doing it for me anymore, everything feels meaningless, movies, music, social media... There comes a time when that just doesnt matter anymore and its just content. Watching other people live their life while you suffer isnt fun anymore.
My mother is the only reason im here and even her wouldnt be shocked if something happened because she sees what i go through everyday and my deterioration. i made my peace with death, im 100% sure its better than this but i cant bring myself to book the hotel, i have sn, sn, antiemetic, benzos...

 

[lizzywizzy09]

There truly is a difference between living and being alive. A whole lot of us can relate. I am so sorry. <3

 

[DoubleUp8]

I can relate. SI. Human survival instinct is such a strong thing to overcome. Even when you badly need to.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really horrible what you are going through, I'm sorry that you suffer so unbearably in this existence. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Kta1994]

I can relate. SI. Human survival instinct is such a strong thing to overcome. Even when you badly need to.

It really is

 

[dinosavr]

Take your time! It's not an easy process, there's no need to rush, maybe you need a minute longer to get some distance and be able to get through with it. Dying IS a big deal, no matter how reasonable it seems. It's normal that you have doubts, but you can definitely work on it if you want to.

 

[BadChanges]

I feel just like you. Physically speaking. I do however plan to go real soon with SN. wish I had fent or H.

 

[Zoloft Muncher]

I dont know what im living for anymore
Im just trying to get day by day without overthinking how my situation is FU**** my pain is far for being managed, i can barely walk, cant enjoy food because of how my digestion is impaired and not working at all, cant spend one second without pain. The distractions are not doing it for me anymore, everything feels meaningless, movies, music, social media... There comes a time when that just doesnt matter anymore and its just content. Watching other people live their life while you suffer isnt fun anymore.
My mother is the only reason im here and even her wouldnt be shocked if something happened because she sees what i go through everyday and my deterioration. i made my peace with death, im 100% sure its better than this but i cant bring myself to book the hotel, i have sn, sn, antiemetic, benzos...

When I tried to commit suicide in the park, survival instinct kicked in hard. I was planning to take nearly 300 benadryl pills, but I just couldn't bring myself to even take one... It was a lot easier in my head.

 

[LostSoul1965]

When I tried to commit suicide in the park, survival instinct kicked in hard. I was planning to take nearly 300 benadryl pills, but I just couldn't bring myself to even take one... It was a lot easier in my head.

You didn't miss anything other than feeling lousey and getting sick. This would not have worked. There are threads regarding OD attempts with OTC meds and how they are prone to fail and why. There is a compilation of methods you should check out as well. Do your research. There are plenty of resources here including recovery.

 

[Onelegman]

I understand you, I'm still here for my mom too. In my head everything is easy, go to a hotel, wait for the time to take the AE, paracetamol and benzos... and the NS. I think it will be easy, that I won't hesitate, but my healthy neurons tell me otherwise, that it will be an internal fight that will leave me half dead.

It's true, neither movies, food or whatever feels fun, tasty, real. In 2 days my mom comes back from a trip, I want to hug her as much as I can before the fateful day, but sometimes I'm afraid she'll notice that I'm more affectionate, lazy because I'm a mess most of the day...

I've looked for a partner to do it, maybe you'll find one, but you have to choose it yourself, don't force yourself to do anything, there may come a day where you decide, just like that. Me on the other hand... I have to choose the day, the time and the place, it's a very stressful countdown, even if I don't want to think about it, I have to do it or nothing will go well.

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

There truly is a difference between living and being alive.

I'm so sad reading this sentence

 

[makingaplan]

What condition do you have? alternative medicine, particularly Homeopathy can do miraculous things that conventional medicine cannot. If you message me, I can give you more information About what remedies might be useful to you. I'm not selling stuff.

 

[ecliptic]

Same I don't want to end up in a worse state I just wish it would be quick and painless but I have heard people surviving after ingesting a fatal dose.

 

[jarik]

Don't think about it much, relax and the time will come

 

[keg-ireland]

I can relate. I have a chronic disease that has no cure nor treatment. I've been feeling suicidal over 1 year because of it. I'm alive but I'm not living. I have tried to hang myself three times but took the noose off due to strong SI and fear. I wish I had more courage.