Venting I can't breathe...maybe i will die without CTB

[thisiswhoiam-]

So...For a month I had breathing problems and a ton of cardiological symptoms like irregular heartbeat, weakness, chest pains, dizziness and many others. I went to 6 different cardiologists and after basic tests they say it's neurosis(not possible to confirm) or covid(never tested), they won't even test for arrhythmia...it seemed to worsen a few days ago, and on a whim i went to a pulmonologist, and i got comically bad results from spirometry. They look like COPD even though i never smoked, my parents did though...And i'm not 40 years old...What the fuck is this? I don't even have a diagnosis...no idea if i'm going to choke to death or not, what am i supposed to do. I can't function, now i can't even live, it's hard to think about CTB when all I can think about is breathing. I hate doctors, they have no empathy and will shout at me for no reason...I can't stand this anymore. I'm going to have a mental breakdown eventually if I don't die first. This really is hell and I thought I was in it for a long time, but now i fell a few circles down. Just end it. I'd rather choke fast than slowly die in a hospital with tubes in my body. Lately I've been entertaining the idea that it's just a bad dream, a nightmare I will wake up from. But I know I never will.
I need to jump under a train to save myself, before I lose all agency. But I can't even think straight anymore. I thought I at least had a month left to finish this but now every day feels like the last day and I don't know if I'll live to see tomorrow.
Dying through choking is terrible...I wanted to avoid that fate. I hope this nightmare ends soon for me.. Maybe I'll choke in my sleep, though that is wishful thinking. In the end, it's always the same...no help from anyone, and you have to finish things yourself.
I lost everything...all my money, my physical health, my mental health, stopped doing anything and I'm afraid to get out of bed, or go to sleep. It's a one way ticket to hell

 

[Cryptonite]

So...For a month I had breathing problems and a ton of cardiological symptoms like irregular heartbeat, weakness, chest pains, dizziness and many others. I went to 6 different cardiologists and after basic tests they say it's neurosis(not possible to confirm) or covid(never tested), they won't even test for arrhythmia...it seemed to worsen a few days ago, and on a whim i went to a pulmonologist, and i got comically bad results from spirometry. They look like COPD even though i never smoked, my parents did though...And i'm not 40 years old...What the fuck is this? I don't even have a diagnosis...no idea if i'm going to choke to death or not, what am i supposed to do. I can't function, now i can't even live, it's hard to think about CTB when all I can think about is breathing. I hate doctors, they have no empathy and will shout at me for no reason...I can't stand this anymore. I'm going to have a mental breakdown eventually if I don't die first. This really is hell and I thought I was in it for a long time, but now i fell a few circles down. Just end it. I'd rather choke fast than slowly die in a hospital with tubes in my body. Lately I've been entertaining the idea that it's just a bad dream, a nightmare I will wake up from. But I know I never will.
I need to jump under a train to save myself, before I lose all agency. But I can't even think straight anymore. I thought I at least had a month left to finish this but now every day feels like the last day and I don't know if I'll live to see tomorrow.
Dying through choking is terrible...I wanted to avoid that fate. I hope this nightmare ends soon for me.. Maybe I'll choke in my sleep, though that is wishful thinking. In the end, it's always the same...no help from anyone, and you have to finish things yourself.
I lost everything...all my money, my physical health, my mental health, stopped doing anything and I'm afraid to get out of bed, or go to sleep. It's a one way ticket to hell

Heart neurosis only says they think it's in your head. Don't listen to these quacks. Trust your instinct. Research online.

My life was ruined because of a misdiagnosed spinal disease. I hate doctors. Unempathetic ignorants.

 

[Galileo3630]

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time with your health and the lack of a clear diagnosis. It must be incredibly frustrating and scary to feel like you're not getting the help you need.

It may be helpful to try and focus on the things that you can control right now, like seeking out more medical opinions or trying to find ways to manage your symptoms. Even though it may feel like no one is listening to you or taking your concerns seriously, it's important to keep advocating for yourself and seeking out the help you need.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrific what you have to endure, life certainly is so unnecessarily cruel, and I think that it's true that as humans we are all alone. Other people could never care but anyway I hope that you find freedom from your torture.