Venting I can not continue like this.

[Eren]

OCD has been attacking me a lot lately. I am "pure obsessive" I am not a maniac of cleanliness or order. My obsessions are mental processes about perfectionism and my compulsions are not as visible as in other people with OCD but It's horribly disabling.

For example, months ago I mounted a gaming computer, I am always afraid that something will fail, that I have not done it right, that I have chosen the wrong components, that I have assembled it incorrectly, that something is broken, that there is a bottleneck, etc. .. and when a problem occurs I give it much more importance than it has.

It seems silly but it is not, the anxiety that it produces I cannot even describe it, this morning I even had palpitations of so much anxiety and knowing that it is not going to stop. If it weren't for this computer, it would be for something else, reality doesn't matter, my mind will always be constantly screwing me with this. I spend hours and hours and because of the OCD, it's horrible.

In addition, the most likely thing is that I have Asperger (in the process of diagnosis) loneliness is killing me too, for some people this is not important, and I sincerely envy those people, I wish I could not care about loneliness, although this is not the only thing Asperger's affects me daily, I am extremely irritable, everything affects me much more.

The worst thing is that I have no IRL anyone to tell all this to, absolutely no one, I have no IRL friends and I have no social contact with anyone except my parents. I can't tell my parents anything about this, they limit themselves to belittling my problems or blaming me for them, they don't even directly believe me, this makes me have even more anxiety so I prefer not to talk to them about all this.

I have severe insomnia for years, I'm tired of taking sleeping pills, I try to sleep without them but I can't, even with them many times I can't, I feel like a benzos junkie and I'm only 25 years old, my doctor says he can't do more for me, which is chronic. My family doesn't believe me directly, they tell me "you will sleep something" or "I can't believe you won't sleep in X days"

I also have mobility problems in my hands, especially my right hand, and some deformation in my fingers that prevents me from doing many things normally, about this, absolutely no one believes me, not even the doctors.

Whenever I'm sick from anything (insomnia, hands, stomach pain etc ...) everyone thinks I'm making it up or I'm exaggerating it, so I tend not to tell anyone IRL.

So my life when I'm not working is basically getting out of bed (hopefully I was able to sleep a few hours with Ambien) being on the computer playing games, trying to kill time, fighting the brutal anxiety of the OCD and little else.

 

[BetterInthanOut]

Wow, it sounds like you're going through a lot! I wish I could say something that would make it better for you, but I've honestly no idea how horrible it must be to face those thoughts every day. You can always share these things here, sometimes just shouting into the void can make things feel a little easier. Sorry that I've no words to say that will help, but your story is interesting and I enjoyed reading it, good luck with everything

 

[BitterlyAlive]

The idea that OCD is all about cleanliness and order is a bit of a misconception due to media... I'm really sorry that you suffer from OCD. Pure O sounds awful enough on its own! Your worries aren't "silly" at all, mate. They're clearly causing distress and disruption in your life - who are we to label it as anything but awful? There's a reason why it's a disorder; you cannot control it like you would an "average level" worry. It sounds like you're going through a lot, and I'm sorry it took so long for us to get back to you when you've been so upset.

I hope you're feeling a bit better today. Anxiety is just plain exhausting, and struggling to sleep doesn't help either.

 

[Eren]

The idea that OCD is all about cleanliness and order is a bit of a misconception due to media... I'm really sorry that you suffer from OCD. Pure O sounds awful enough on its own! Your worries aren't "silly" at all, mate. They're clearly causing distress and disruption in your life - who are we to label it as anything but awful? There's a reason why it's a disorder; you cannot control it like you would an "average level" worry. It sounds like you're going through a lot, and I'm sorry it took so long for us to get back to you when you've been so upset.

I hope you're feeling a bit better today. Anxiety is just plain exhausting, and struggling to sleep doesn't help either.

Thank you. Yes, ocd is very stereotypical, it's really frustrating and I feel like I'm in a dead end.

 

[Nofuture0628]

OCD has been attacking me a lot lately. I am "pure obsessive" I am not a maniac of cleanliness or order. My obsessions are mental processes about perfectionism and my compulsions are not as visible as in other people with OCD but It's horribly disabling.

For example, months ago I mounted a gaming computer, I am always afraid that something will fail, that I have not done it right, that I have chosen the wrong components, that I have assembled it incorrectly, that something is broken, that there is a bottleneck, etc. .. and when a problem occurs I give it much more importance than it has.

It seems silly but it is not, the anxiety that it produces I cannot even describe it, this morning I even had palpitations of so much anxiety and knowing that it is not going to stop. If it weren't for this computer, it would be for something else, reality doesn't matter, my mind will always be constantly screwing me with this. I spend hours and hours and because of the OCD, it's horrible.

In addition, the most likely thing is that I have Asperger (in the process of diagnosis) loneliness is killing me too, for some people this is not important, and I sincerely envy those people, I wish I could not care about loneliness, although this is not the only thing Asperger's affects me daily, I am extremely irritable, everything affects me much more.

The worst thing is that I have no IRL anyone to tell all this to, absolutely no one, I have no IRL friends and I have no social contact with anyone except my parents. I can't tell my parents anything about this, they limit themselves to belittling my problems or blaming me for them, they don't even directly believe me, this makes me have even more anxiety so I prefer not to talk to them about all this.

I have severe insomnia for years, I'm tired of taking sleeping pills, I try to sleep without them but I can't, even with them many times I can't, I feel like a benzos junkie and I'm only 25 years old, my doctor says he can't do more for me, which is chronic. My family doesn't believe me directly, they tell me "you will sleep something" or "I can't believe you won't sleep in X days"

I also have mobility problems in my hands, especially my right hand, and some deformation in my fingers that prevents me from doing many things normally, about this, absolutely no one believes me, not even the doctors.

Whenever I'm sick from anything (insomnia, hands, stomach pain etc ...) everyone thinks I'm making it up or I'm exaggerating it, so I tend not to tell anyone IRL.

So my life when I'm not working is basically getting out of bed (hopefully I was able to sleep a few hours with Ambien) being on the computer playing games, trying to kill time, fighting the brutal anxiety of the OCD and little else.

you are also on Suicide Forum, aren't you?

 

[Eren]

you are also on Suicide Forum, aren't you?

Yes, I registered on that forum quite some time ago.

 

[Nofuture0628]

Yes, I registered on that forum quite some time ago.

okay, that makes sense why there's an identical post on that site then

 

[inactive]

Can relate strongly to the hell you describe in your second paragraph. I have constant anxiety swirling and bubbling inside my stomach that something is going to malfunction, explode, leak, fall down, break, disappear, catch on fire – list goes on.

I am sorry that nobody in your life is taking your very real and debilitating issues with the seriousness you deserve. It makes coping with them tremendously more difficult. You clearly have a lot on your plate. Sending hugs.

 

[DeadButDreaming]

Perhaps you need anti-depressants to tackle the OCD. Seeing a psychiatrist was one of the wisest decisions I made. My insomnia resulted from depression. Yours might too. My psychiatrist told me both depression and OCD are caused by serotonin deficiencies.

 

[Pharmaruined]

OCD has been attacking me a lot lately. I am "pure obsessive" I am not a maniac of cleanliness or order. My obsessions are mental processes about perfectionism and my compulsions are not as visible as in other people with OCD but It's horribly disabling.

For example, months ago I mounted a gaming computer, I am always afraid that something will fail, that I have not done it right, that I have chosen the wrong components, that I have assembled it incorrectly, that something is broken, that there is a bottleneck, etc. .. and when a problem occurs I give it much more importance than it has.

It seems silly but it is not, the anxiety that it produces I cannot even describe it, this morning I even had palpitations of so much anxiety and knowing that it is not going to stop. If it weren't for this computer, it would be for something else, reality doesn't matter, my mind will always be constantly screwing me with this. I spend hours and hours and because of the OCD, it's horrible.

In addition, the most likely thing is that I have Asperger (in the process of diagnosis) loneliness is killing me too, for some people this is not important, and I sincerely envy those people, I wish I could not care about loneliness, although this is not the only thing Asperger's affects me daily, I am extremely irritable, everything affects me much more.

The worst thing is that I have no IRL anyone to tell all this to, absolutely no one, I have no IRL friends and I have no social contact with anyone except my parents. I can't tell my parents anything about this, they limit themselves to belittling my problems or blaming me for them, they don't even directly believe me, this makes me have even more anxiety so I prefer not to talk to them about all this.

I have severe insomnia for years, I'm tired of taking sleeping pills, I try to sleep without them but I can't, even with them many times I can't, I feel like a benzos junkie and I'm only 25 years old, my doctor says he can't do more for me, which is chronic. My family doesn't believe me directly, they tell me "you will sleep something" or "I can't believe you won't sleep in X days"

I also have mobility problems in my hands, especially my right hand, and some deformation in my fingers that prevents me from doing many things normally, about this, absolutely no one believes me, not even the doctors.

Whenever I'm sick from anything (insomnia, hands, stomach pain etc ...) everyone thinks I'm making it up or I'm exaggerating it, so I tend not to tell anyone IRL.

So my life when I'm not working is basically getting out of bed (hopefully I was able to sleep a few hours with Ambien) being on the computer playing games, trying to kill time, fighting the brutal anxiety of the OCD and little else.

Sounds like a copper toxicity issue affecting your brain, .. I would get a hair mineral test, seems like a classic symptom in that arena.. apologize in advance if my advice is unwelcome..

 

[MrAsclepius]

I feel you on the insomnia. Today a vessel in my left eye popped or was enlarged. I currently don't have access to my sedatives for chornic insomnia so I assume that is the cause. Havn't slept in 2-3 weeks, apart from the odd hour or two every couple of days. It's funny people can't believe that you can function on such little sleep, but in reality you can, it's just horrible. It's like fake living, I complete my responsibilities and do my work, yet am plagued by unending exhaustion and memory loss. My eye today is the first physical symptom that I thought people might take seriously, who knows. I'm with you.

 

[Eren]

Perhaps you need anti-depressants to tackle the OCD. Seeing a psychiatrist was one of the wisest decisions I made. My insomnia resulted from depression. Yours might too. My psychiatrist told me both depression and OCD are caused by serotonin deficiencies.

I don't want to take medication, I'm already tired of it, they all produce unpleasant side effects, I also took medication for ocd (antipsychotics) and now I sometimes take to sleep.

I feel you on the insomnia. Today a vessel in my left eye popped or was enlarged. I currently don't have access to my sedatives for chornic insomnia so I assume that is the cause. Havn't slept in 2-3 weeks, apart from the odd hour or two every couple of days. It's funny people can't believe that you can function on such little sleep, but in reality you can, it's just horrible. It's like fake living, I complete my responsibilities and do my work, yet am plagued by unending exhaustion and memory loss. My eye today is the first physical symptom that I thought people might take seriously, who knows. I'm with you.

It is the worst of insomnia, that nobody takes it seriously because it is not something that kills you directly. Nobody believes me.

Can relate strongly to the hell you describe in your second paragraph. I have constant anxiety swirling and bubbling inside my stomach that something is going to malfunction, explode, leak, fall down, break, disappear, catch on fire – list goes on.

I am sorry that nobody in your life is taking your very real and debilitating issues with the seriousness you deserve. It makes coping with them tremendously more difficult. You clearly have a lot on your plate. Sending hugs.

Thanks, sending hugs.

 

[rt1989526]

I also had Pure-O for several years and had to drop out of college because of it. They put me on anti depressants as a result. Unfortunately now as a result of the anti depressants I have anhedonia and PSSD, which is why I must ctb.

If you can fight this battle without SSRIs please try and do so. But I understand if otherwise.