skybluesuicide
Member
- May 31, 2023
- 38
my struggle with intimacy is depressing. The only person I'm close with is my mother but honestly the only reason she's close to me is because I'm her son. if I was a random person she wouldn't give a shit about me. I've tried forming friendships online, and though a big obstacle is getting ghosted, the biggest of them all is myself. I don't ever know what to say and sometimes it takes me multiple days to build up the courage to respond, and by that point they probably have already lost interest. I'm so scared of saying the wrong things that it ruins my ability to become close to someone. Why should I even live if this is the case? Does society expect me to live a life of solitude when I clearly don't want that? Humans are social creatures, I want someone to talk to. People have tried becoming my "friend" out of pity in hopes that I don't throw myself off a building, and that just isn't the same as a genuine relationship. I'm disposable. The moment they know I'm safe and won't CTB our "friendship" will dissolve. Why? Because it was never a real one in the first place. If I somehow become more desperate I'll probably try and buy a Russian mail order bride to talk about my feelings with, but then again I have no job or academic certifications so that's just fanciful.