Story I can choose to give up

[JayJay84]

Hi everyone and thank you for accepting me in your community.
I'm new to the forum and I'm really grateful I finally found a place where i can share my thoughts and my story without being judged, warned or blamed.
Well, my life has not been easy so far, but i've always endured because i felt there was still hope and something that could improve in the future. Now I'm done!

A couple of weeks ago i got terrible news, at least for me, because it was something i really desired.
I cannot have babies, i cannot!

I feel this as a punishment from something in the Universe for not wanting a baby in the past and now i deserve this situation. I've always wanted to find LOVE and start a family but i was not blessed, maybe i did not deserve the blessing of finding someone to love, and now it's late! My "love" stories have always been horrible, i spent my best years filling my stomach and brain with antidepressants and anxiolytics.

But i realized something important in the last few days: i do not have to accept all the negative stuff that come unwanted in my life, i do not have to endure anymore, i can decide to give up!
I feel a sensation of release, because there is finally something i can decide on! I'm thinking about the best way to quit, unfortunately in my country it is not easy to get weapons and i really thought it would be for me the best way to go.

And i am really grateful to you all for giving me the possibility to express what i have inside. Thank you guys!

 

[U. A.]

While it's not often the first or an ideal choice, there can be a relief to this realization, that you in fact don't have to accept life on life's terms.
Glad you found comfort here.

 

[iwashere]

i know the exact feeling of relief you're talking about. I can make the decision to give up, nobody is forcing this. It has only compelled me to take action. although consequences have followed because of this sentiment—-i genuinely don't care for day to day responsibilities. i don't care about school or even attending— first day was yesterday and i didn't even open my laptop lol— why does it matter anyways if im going to die. much rather spend my time doing things that make me happy, like spending all my money and staying in bed. this only makes me feel the urge to take action faster however, because it's going to get to a point where ive dug a hole so deep (whether that be in my finances or school) i won't be able to get out of it in a reasonable manner

 

[PI3.14]

Welcome to the community!

I sympathize with you a lot. I always wanted to be a dad myself, but my circumstances have shut that door on me.

I agree with you, I also don't feel like I have to accept the hand I was given in life. Instead, I prefer to quit.
Welcome to the community!

I sympathize with you a lot. I always wanted to be a dad myself, but my circumstances have shut that door on me.

I agree with you, I also don't feel like I have to accept the hand I was given in life. Instead, I prefer to quit.