I broke up with my boyfriend (finally)

[burninghill]

I've been toying with breaking up with him for a while now and I'm not sure if I feel incredibly relieved or incredibly regretful.

I do genuinely feel relieved, I feel how I did when we first met. Like talking to him is so easy and fun again now, but the fact I feel so light (like I did back then) makes me wish we were together.

It's conflicting because I know the reason why I feel so positive is because the pressure of our relationship is gone, but that lack of pressure makes me want to pursue it again.

We have basically just been acting the same as before, if not even more interactive and happy. I'm much more enthusiastic, anyway.

I love him a lot and it makes me really sad that we've broken up but with my mental health on the state that it is, I just couldn't give him what he wanted as a romantic partner. Everything I did, I did because I felt like I was obligated to. Like there was this suffocating pressure to act like a girlfriend. It was all on me, what he was asking of me wasn't crazy or unreasonable, I just couldn't shake feeling stuck and just… stiff.

Has anybody else felt this way about a breakup??

 

[telekon]

Ohhh yes... especially if there's a bit of time in between the breakup and "talking again" stage

 

[burninghill]

Ohhh yes... especially if there's a bit of time in between the breakup and "talking again" stage

We've genuinely just gone exactly back to talking the way we would normally, except I feel so much more enthusiastic and happier. It's crazy how just no longer calling myself his girlfriend has changed the way I feel about our relationship. It's such a conflicting feeling.

 

[derpyderpins]

If your end goals in life include making a lasting relationship happen, I don't believe you can keep talking to him as friends, personally.

Since you asked about experiences: I dated my college sweetheart for many years, but life took us in different directions and eventually I had to break it off. That was very, very tough. We stayed in touch for a while, because we were such huge parts of each other's lives/persons at that point. But that couldn't keep happening. In hindsight it is good that we decided to stop communicating. I have 0 ill will towards her and hope she is happy, but a full break was necessary for us both to move on and meet new people.

 

[burninghill]

If your end goals in life include making a lasting relationship happen, I don't believe you can keep talking to him as friends, personally.

Since you asked about experiences: I dated my college sweetheart for many years, but life took us in different directions and eventually I had to break it off. That was very, very tough. We stayed in touch for a while, because we were such huge parts of each other's lives/persons at that point. But that couldn't keep happening. In hindsight it is good that we decided to stop communicating. I have 0 ill will towards her and hope she is happy, but a full break was necessary for us both to move on and meet new people.

I'm not really interested in meeting new people or perusing any kinds of relationships right now, so he's not really holding me back in any way. I won't be consciously cutting him off. There's just no reason to.

 

[telekon]

We've genuinely just gone exactly back to talking the way we would normally, except I feel so much more enthusiastic and happier. It's crazy how just no longer calling myself his girlfriend has changed the way I feel about our relationship. It's such a conflicting feeling.

I get it. It's pressure. He probably gets it too.