I barely can eat anything without gaining weight and other stuff about my struggling during recovery

[noname223]

I was bullied in school because I was massively overweight. It was an everyday nightmare. I developed an eating disorder. I am atypical anorexic. This means I am extremely concentrated on my weight. It is normal weight (not too low, not too much) and I have an extreme anxiety about gaining weight. Since last September I am taking a medication that reduces my metabolism very strongly. I can barely eat anything without gaining weight. There is no alternative for this medication, the alternatives are way worse. I have a lot of side effects from the medication but it is the only one that reduces my depression. I am trapped in everyday hunger. I never want to be overweight again instead I rather live in this hell.

Why this is in recovery? I am trying to recover. Better mental health, less medication, less hunger lol. There are many thngs that make my recovery journey pretty hard. These side effects are pretty horrible. I think my recovery trip might last 3 months. I will try to go to university again. However I think my mind is just to fragile. For the moment I can endure my life, sometimes even enjoy it. I feel a liitle bit less hopeless. But this recovery journey might backfire extremely. If I become manic (and this is not unlikely) every progress that I've made could be destroyed in some weeks. That's so terrifying.
*Trigger Warning*
If the worst case scenarion happens and I hit my lowest point again I really want to ctb. At least trying it.

For this moment I try to live in another world. I have some good days in a row (at least for my expectations). I binge watch animes, watch a lot of politicial stuff on youtube. Sometimes I wish this could go on forever. But I really fear this is not the real world. If I meet the real world I get crushed again in a second. Today I even did not go to a party of my friends. My frustration and resentment destroyed my feelings during the last one. It is to complicated to explain that fully. But by isolating me my social skilss will decrease further and I become more and more akward. I think this might be the reason why my last crush denied me.

 

[Red]

I'm really sorry that you are struggling hon, it must be hard to be battling weight issues on top of everything else! Medications are always a case of weighing up the positives against the negatives and they are always different for everyone. If the balance of one medication doesn't feel favourable to you, always discuss this with your doc as there are usually alternatives out there - everyone's body chemistry is different and it usually takes a fair amount of trial and error to find what works for any one person.

With regards to your diet and weight gain, I've found that research and food logging is key to working out what is again best for your own body chemistry. I ate the wrong foods for a long time and that led to me carrying more weight than I was happy with, despite only eating a small amount! The thing about calorie restriction is that if you eat too little, your body goes into starvation mode and clings on to what you put into it instead of processing it quickly - of course when your medication is slowing your metabolism that doesn't help either!

There are several things you can do to fight this; taking a good look at your diet and finding foods that are right for you is the first step. For example, I don't process carbs very well - things like bread and potatoes lead to rapid weight gain for me. I've cut these out and rarely eat them anymore and my weight stabilised! I've been trying the keto diet lately as a test since historically my sugar intake has been excessive and that has helped somewhat too… a combination of food logging and paying attention to macros (balance of fat, carbs and protein) is important. If I don't hit my daily calorie intake, I gain weight as my body hangs onto stuff instead of pushing it through. Eating little and often helps keep your metabolism ticking over and doesn't overload your system. Balancing those macros is the best way to ensure you're getting what you need in the right amounts.

Another way to fight your body is to increase your metabolism through exercise, certain foods and supplements… also maybe asking your doc for something like metoclopramide (which empties your stomach quicker) may help. Even something as simple as a hot bath (above 40 degrees Celsius, otherwise called a "fever bath") raises your heart rate and can burn up to around 130 calories in an hour! I struggle with mobility due to health issues, so can find it difficult to do exercise most days, so regularly use this tactic to help push me into ketosis and to burn any excess calories if I accidentally go over my daily allowance, it's especially good for burning off those carbs as this is your body's preferred energy source and it will always burn those first.

I think the same approach can be applied for mental difficulties, though obviously the information you seek and the strategies you implement are of a different nature; mindfulness is a powerful tool! Get to know yourself and your strengths and weaknesses; play to your strengths and learn to start reducing down those weaknesses. Identifying what's going on inside your head is a very big step towards sorting them out, for then you begin to know what they are and why they occur - you can go on to develop coping strategies tailored specifically to you as you get a handle on what works and what doesn't. Like food logging, mood diaries can help pinpoint when and why stuff happens, then you can use that information to work out how to overcome them and be able to move forward and be functional.

I know that it's hard to battle social anxiety and isolation; people prone to this are very introspective and it can be very destructive if we're not careful! But this same tendency to look inwards can also be very helpful and constructive if used in the right way; proper self awareness is a good thing, we just have to reign it in when it goes nuclear!

If you ever feel lonely and can't face your IRL friends, my inbox is always open. You, just like anyone else, are deserving of social interaction and validation - it's not your fault that it can get a bit overwhelming at times. It takes great mental strength to overcome and though it may seem extremely daunting to stand at the foot of that mountain and wonder how you're ever going to make it to the top, one day you'll be in a position where you will look up and find it a lot closer than you ever thought it could be. Even better, when you look down you'll realise just how far you've come

My inbox is always open to you or anyone else needing kind words and support to help you feel better about who you are and where you are in your journey through life! I check in here fairly often so would hope to be relatively swift in my replies, with the occasional day or two delay when things get a bit heavy in my world too…

Much love

 

[Luchs]

I was bullied in school because I was massively overweight. It was an everyday nightmare. I developed an eating disorder. I am atypical anorexic. This means I am extremely concentrated on my weight. It is normal weight (not too low, not too much) and I have an extreme anxiety about gaining weight. Since last September I am taking a medication that reduces my metabolism very strongly. I can barely eat anything without gaining weight. There is no alternative for this medication, the alternatives are way worse. I have a lot of side effects from the medication but it is the only one that reduces my depression. I am trapped in everyday hunger. I never want to be overweight again instead I rather live in this hell.

Why this is in recovery? I am trying to recover. Better mental health, less medication, less hunger lol. There are many thngs that make my recovery journey pretty hard. These side effects are pretty horrible. I think my recovery trip might last 3 months. I will try to go to university again. However I think my mind is just to fragile. For the moment I can endure my life, sometimes even enjoy it. I feel a liitle bit less hopeless. But this recovery journey might backfire extremely. If I become manic (and this is not unlikely) every progress that I've made could be destroyed in some weeks. That's so terrifying.
*Trigger Warning*
If the worst case scenarion happens and I hit my lowest point again I really want to ctb. At least trying it.

For this moment I try to live in another world. I have some good days in a row (at least for my expectations). I binge watch animes, watch a lot of politicial stuff on youtube. Sometimes I wish this could go on forever. But I really fear this is not the real world. If I meet the real world I get crushed again in a second. Today I even did not go to a party of my friends. My frustration and resentment destroyed my feelings during the last one. It is to complicated to explain that fully. But by isolating me my social skilss will decrease further and I become more and more akward. I think this might be the reason why my last crush denied me.

Wow, that must suck. I have always had the luck that no matter what I eat, I never gain weight. Reading stories like these really makes me appreciate what I have. I can't really give you any good advice on what to do, but I wish you the best of luck.

 

[timf]

You might try roasted soybeans. They taste so bad that if you leave a bowl out, you know if you eat any it is only because you are really hungry.

If you want to socialize at a party you may wish to consider arriving 15-20 minutes early and help set up. Having a task to do makes things a little easier. If you greet people as they arrive, you can leave after 20 minutes and have had social contact but in a less intense way.

 

[noname223]

I'm really sorry that you are struggling hon, it must be hard to be battling weight issues on top of everything else! Medications are always a case of weighing up the positives against the negatives and they are always different for everyone. If the balance of one medication doesn't feel favourable to you, always discuss this with your doc as there are usually alternatives out there - everyone's body chemistry is different and it usually takes a fair amount of trial and error to find what works for any one person.

With regards to your diet and weight gain, I've found that research and food logging is key to working out what is again best for your own body chemistry. I ate the wrong foods for a long time and that led to me carrying more weight than I was happy with, despite only eating a small amount! The thing about calorie restriction is that if you eat too little, your body goes into starvation mode and clings on to what you put into it instead of processing it quickly - of course when your medication is slowing your metabolism that doesn't help either!

There are several things you can do to fight this; taking a good look at your diet and finding foods that are right for you is the first step. For example, I don't process carbs very well - things like bread and potatoes lead to rapid weight gain for me. I've cut these out and rarely eat them anymore and my weight stabilised! I've been trying the keto diet lately as a test since historically my sugar intake has been excessive and that has helped somewhat too… a combination of food logging and paying attention to macros (balance of fat, carbs and protein) is important. If I don't hit my daily calorie intake, I gain weight as my body hangs onto stuff instead of pushing it through. Eating little and often helps keep your metabolism ticking over and doesn't overload your system. Balancing those macros is the best way to ensure you're getting what you need in the right amounts.

Another way to fight your body is to increase your metabolism through exercise, certain foods and supplements… also maybe asking your doc for something like metoclopramide (which empties your stomach quicker) may help. Even something as simple as a hot bath (above 40 degrees Celsius, otherwise called a "fever bath") raises your heart rate and can burn up to around 130 calories in an hour! I struggle with mobility due to health issues, so can find it difficult to do exercise most days, so regularly use this tactic to help push me into ketosis and to burn any excess calories if I accidentally go over my daily allowance, it's especially good for burning off those carbs as this is your body's preferred energy source and it will always burn those first.

I think the same approach can be applied for mental difficulties, though obviously the information you seek and the strategies you implement are of a different nature; mindfulness is a powerful tool! Get to know yourself and your strengths and weaknesses; play to your strengths and learn to start reducing down those weaknesses. Identifying what's going on inside your head is a very big step towards sorting them out, for then you begin to know what they are and why they occur - you can go on to develop coping strategies tailored specifically to you as you get a handle on what works and what doesn't. Like food logging, mood diaries can help pinpoint when and why stuff happens, then you can use that information to work out how to overcome them and be able to move forward and be functional.

I know that it's hard to battle social anxiety and isolation; people prone to this are very introspective and it can be very destructive if we're not careful! But this same tendency to look inwards can also be very helpful and constructive if used in the right way; proper self awareness is a good thing, we just have to reign it in when it goes nuclear!

If you ever feel lonely and can't face your IRL friends, my inbox is always open. You, just like anyone else, are deserving of social interaction and validation - it's not your fault that it can get a bit overwhelming at times. It takes great mental strength to overcome and though it may seem extremely daunting to stand at the foot of that mountain and wonder how you're ever going to make it to the top, one day you'll be in a position where you will look up and find it a lot closer than you ever thought it could be. Even better, when you look down you'll realise just how far you've come

My inbox is always open to you or anyone else needing kind words and support to help you feel better about who you are and where you are in your journey through life! I check in here fairly often so would hope to be relatively swift in my replies, with the occasional day or two delay when things get a bit heavy in my world too…

Much love

Very very kind words. Thank you very much. Send you much love too :)

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

When I am laying down a lot I can't eat that much and lose weight. Maybe try laying down and meditating or sum?

 

[ishouldntusemyname]

Regarding the hunger part... Are you sure you don't have some undiagnosed condition? I have insulin resistance and while i've never been overweight, i'm also constantly hungry, i just got used to it (thanks to growing up so poor i use to not have food for days as a kid).
So uh, maybe you also have a condition that may be causing it. Maybe not diabetes, but it could be something worth looking into.
I also recommend trying to exercise, if anything; just to do something that'll take your mind off of other things for a while.
And i feel ya with the body image issues. I gain 1 kilogram and i immediately freak out and start starving myself, it's a terrible place to be in.
I'm sorry you're facing this and best of luck to you.

 

[Kattt]

It's so fucked up that you should be made to feel this way for something out of your control. Saying that, I have known plenty of guys who prefer a bit of meat on your bones

 

[noname223]

It's so fucked up that you should be made to feel this way for something out of your control. Saying that, I have known plenty of guys who prefer a bit of meat on your bones

I am male and into girls. lol

 

[Makko]

I am male and into girls. lol

Do girls even like skinny guys?

 

[summers]

Do girls even like skinny guys?

Idk, plenty of girls I know find these guys hot and they're skinny af

 

[meetapple]

I take clozapine and have to worry about an increase in appetite. As has been suggested earlier make a food diary. Buy a food scale and weigh everything you eat. Use an app like MyFitnessPal and you will know exactly how many calories (as well as protein, carbs, and fat) you are consuming.

 

[myopybyproxy]

It's so fucked up that you should be made to feel this way for something out of your control. Saying that, I have known plenty of guys who prefer a bit of meat on your bones

The point is not what other people think - goal is to feel comfortable in your own skin and not constantly have to fight your body and brain. To find peace on this earth. At least I presume that is a core component of recovery, else why bother?

 

[summers]

The point is not what other people think - goal is to feel comfortable in your own skin and not constantly have to fight your body and brain. To find peace on this earth. At least I presume that is a core component of recovery, else why bother?

Definitely. It's true that being very overweight can be unhealthy, but if we're talking even 50lbs, that's really not that much. As long as you feel comfortable and confident, and your weight isn't an issue with mobility, then that's what matters.

 

[Sherri]

Sorry about the bullying at school, I know that scars someone forever sometimes, maybe the meds are also making you put on weight? They did it to me so I switched, but don't let no one get u down because of your weight. At least your trying to eat better, that's a big start.

 

[lyles]

I understand the struggle you have with recovery and your weight. I am fat, this is something I have just had to accept. No matter how I eat or how much I exercise I always will be. But weight is not an indication of health, beauty, or worth. Mainstream media perception of attractiveness is unattainable and unsustainable for many of us. There are a wealth of reasons to be proud of who you are and your weight doesn't need to be part of that. I don't know the source of your struggles besides bullying (I've been there). But I am glad you are striving towards recovery and even if you can't actively participate in life the way you may wish you could at the moment I hope that time when you feel safe will come soon. I am sending you my best vibes and hopes.

 

[noaccount]

Hi - I am sorry you've been suffering bullying and anorexia. It makes sense that bullying and mistreatment make people anorexic and depressed.
If you're wanting to recover, recovery from anorexia involves weight restoration and not restricting food.

Actually the majority of anorexia sufferers have "atypical anorexia". It's just misnamed "atypical" because doctors overlooked it for a long time.

No "weight loss" plan works for people long-term. Every single "method" that is recommended, ends with the majority of people regaining the same weight or more in long-term (five-year-plus) studies. (Source.) Fat is an endocrine organ that produces hormones and has a protective function - if the body needs to produce more hormones or recuperate from the side-effects of medications it may put on more fat and that's fine.

 

[noname223]

First of all I want to keep my weight and my eating disorder because I am very compulsive about it. It lets me keep a very small amount of self-esteem.
But the current situation is strange. The last months I have eaten not that my much. After a while the feeling of hunger disappeard to 90%. I just do not feel it anymore. I am not sure why but I am losing weight. There are several explanations. I take a new medication. Seroquel normally this increases weight but since I am taking it I lose weight. This might be a coincidence or I just lose a lot of water. I do not drink that much anymore. Still I drink more than 2 liter. But in the past I drank like 4 liter a day.
I would have to lose several kilogram to be underweight. Not sure when I will try to stop eating this low amount of food. Since I am taking other medication which can increase weight (I am dependent on them) I have) I feel more safe to lose some weight. In case the weight increases due to a new type of medication.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Do girls even like skinny guys?

yes

I do anything to not gain weight too. Right now, not eating much and drinking a lot is kinda my thing. Sometimes I don't even drink a lot.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

Do girls even like skinny guys?

Some do. Some don't. Some like skinny, some like dad bods, some like fat and some like muscly guys.

 

[Ethereal Knight]

I'm sorry for that, I don't know exactly how to help, but in my case, some body-positive values have helped. After I stopped caring too much, I felt so much free.
I think Those who really love you, will still love you anyway, regardless of BMI.

 

[noname223]

I'm sorry for that, I don't know exactly how to help, but in my case, some body-positive values have helped. After I stopped caring too much, I felt so much free.
I think Those who really love you, will still love you anyway, regardless of BMI.

Yeah but my self-hatred would increase to 1000%. Being overweighed would personally be for me one big reason to ctb. (I was bullied a lot for it this really shaped me so much.)

First of all I want to keep my weight and my eating disorder because I am very compulsive about it. It lets me keep a very small amount of self-esteem.
But the current situation is strange. The last months I have eaten not that my much. After a while the feeling of hunger disappeard to 90%. I just do not feel it anymore. I am not sure why but I am losing weight. There are several explanations. I take a new medication. Seroquel normally this increases weight but since I am taking it I lose weight. This might be a coincidence or I just lose a lot of water. I do not drink that much anymore. Still I drink more than 2 liter. But in the past I drank like 4 liter a day.
I would have to lose several kilogram to be underweight. Not sure when I will try to stop eating this low amount of food. Since I am taking other medication which can increase weight (I am dependent on them) I have) I feel more safe to lose some weight. In case the weight increases due to a new type of medication.

Here is my update. I don't know why but my problems with weight has improved. Not sure why. The quote shows some theories. I think I really eat way less than before but it does not concern me anymore. The hunger decreased a lot. My biggest future problem will be the following. (if I still live) How can I eat food with low calories when I live in poverty? This gonna be a disaster...low calorie food is very expensive. I probably have to eat even way less food again. In order to keep my weight with more unhealthy food.

 

[Sanva]

Here is my update. I don't know why but my problems with weight has improved. Not sure why. The quote shows some theories. I think I really eat way less than before but it does not concern me anymore. The hunger decreased a lot. My biggest future problem will be the following. (if I still live) How can I eat food with low calories when I live in poverty? This gonna be a disaster...low calorie food is very expensive. I probably have to eat even way less food again. In order to keep my weight with more unhealthy food.

glad to hear you're doing better. hope you're still taking care of yourself, if you eat way too little, your metabolism slows down even more. there are low calorie foods that are affordable, frozen vegetables, oatmeal (not super low calorie but it's filling so you don't have to eat too much of it), canned beans, that kind of stuff. i usually focus on buying the stuff that's on sale. just don't starve yourself. I was anorexic for a long time, most of that time I was also at a normal weight like you. now I just eat fairly healthy without thinking about calories and stuff and I feel a lot better than back when I obsessed over every single thing I ate. and I'm still at a normal weight.

 

[Ethereal Knight]

How can I eat food with low calories when I live in poverty? This gonna be a disaster...low calorie food is very expensive. I probably have to eat even way less food again. In order to keep my weight with more unhealthy food.

that's a real concern. I've heard from Ted Naiman that obesity and poverty maps overlap each other, not coincidentally. but I think we should try to separate the things that we can control, from the things that we cannot. trying to control uncontrollable things can be a huge source of stress and depression for humans. focus on what you CAN control.

by the way, sometimes therapy can help to re-assignate new meanings to your experiences with weight, trauma and bullying, making the whole situation more function for you, with less suffering.

I think nobody has to hate themselves because of their weight.
in theory we should be able to still love ourselves at any size.

 

[waitingforrest]

Sending virtual hugs :).

My relationship with food is messed up as well. The little things that people say really do add up. I know that it isn't as simple as just eating more. For me at least, mine stems from not feeling good enough and wanting to punish myself.

Perhaps maybe try eating foods that fill you up more so you won't feel hungry? There are foods out there that fill you up but with lower calories. For me at least when I'm too depressed to get out of bed, I just eat fruits and oatmeal. I do agree with the one suggestion a poster made about soybeans.

Recovering from eating disorders are never easy, especially when it is rooted in bullying. Heck, I have not even recovered fully even though it has been years. Just don't force yourself so much that it starts to affect you mental health to the point were you feel horrible. Your physical health is important, but also don't disregard your mental health.

 

[noname223]

glad to hear you're doing better. hope you're still taking care of yourself, if you eat way too little, your metabolism slows down even more. there are low calorie foods that are affordable, frozen vegetables, oatmeal (not super low calorie but it's filling so you don't have to eat too much of it), canned beans, that kind of stuff. i usually focus on buying the stuff that's on sale. just don't starve yourself. I was anorexic for a long time, most of that time I was also at a normal weight like you. now I just eat fairly healthy without thinking about calories and stuff and I feel a lot better than back when I obsessed over every single thing I ate. and I'm still at a normal weight.

I am pretty sure my metabolism is very low. I was and I am convinced to eat way and way less in order to stay in normal weight If it is necessary. I knew a schizophrenic girl who did not take the medication because of weight (and heart) problems. I don't know how but she managed to work despite that. But I think she had sometimes delusions or heard voices.

Back to the topic. My weight problems have improved not sure why. But I hope it stays this way.

 

[Rabhen]

on

I'm really sorry that you are struggling hon, it must be hard to be battling weight issues on top of everything else! Medications are always a case of weighing up the positives against the negatives and they are always different for everyone. If the balance of one medication doesn't feel favourable to you, always discuss this with your doc as there are usually alternatives out there - everyone's body chemistry is different and it usually takes a fair amount of trial and error to find what works for any one person.

With regards to your diet and weight gain, I've found that research and food logging is key to working out what is again best for your own body chemistry. I ate the wrong foods for a long time and that led to me carrying more weight than I was happy with, despite only eating a small amount! The thing about calorie restriction is that if you eat too little, your body goes into starvation mode and clings on to what you put into it instead of processing it quickly - of course when your medication is slowing your metabolism that doesn't help either!

There are several things you can do to fight this; taking a good look at your diet and finding foods that are right for you is the first step. For example, I don't process carbs very well - things like bread and potatoes lead to rapid weight gain for me. I've cut these out and rarely eat them anymore and my weight stabilised! I've been trying the keto diet lately as a test since historically my sugar intake has been excessive and that has helped somewhat too… a combination of food logging and paying attention to macros (balance of fat, carbs and protein) is important. If I don't hit my daily calorie intake, I gain weight as my body hangs onto stuff instead of pushing it through. Eating little and often helps keep your metabolism ticking over and doesn't overload your system. Balancing those macros is the best way to ensure you're getting what you need in the right amounts.

Another way to fight your body is to increase your metabolism through exercise, certain foods and supplements… also maybe asking your doc for something like metoclopramide (which empties your stomach quicker) may help. Even something as simple as a hot bath (above 40 degrees Celsius, otherwise called a "fever bath") raises your heart rate and can burn up to around 130 calories in an hour! I struggle with mobility due to health issues, so can find it difficult to do exercise most days, so regularly use this tactic to help push me into ketosis and to burn any excess calories if I accidentally go over my daily allowance, it's especially good for burning off those carbs as this is your body's preferred energy source and it will always burn those first.

I think the same approach can be applied for mental difficulties, though obviously the information you seek and the strategies you implement are of a different nature; mindfulness is a powerful tool! Get to know yourself and your strengths and weaknesses; play to your strengths and learn to start reducing down those weaknesses. Identifying what's going on inside your head is a very big step towards sorting them out, for then you begin to know what they are and why they occur - you can go on to develop coping strategies tailored specifically to you as you get a handle on what works and what doesn't. Like food logging, mood diaries can help pinpoint when and why stuff happens, then you can use that information to work out how to overcome them and be able to move forward and be functional.

I know that it's hard to battle social anxiety and isolation; people prone to this are very introspective and it can be very destructive if we're not careful! But this same tendency to look inwards can also be very helpful and constructive if used in the right way; proper self awareness is a good thing, we just have to reign it in when it goes nuclear!

If you ever feel lonely and can't face your IRL friends, my inbox is always open. You, just like anyone else, are deserving of social interaction and validation - it's not your fault that it can get a bit overwhelming at times. It takes great mental strength to overcome and though it may seem extremely daunting to stand at the foot of that mountain and wonder how you're ever going to make it to the top, one day you'll be in a position where you will look up and find it a lot closer than you ever thought it could be. Even better, when you look down you'll realise just how far you've come

My inbox is always open to you or anyone else needing kind words and support to help you feel better about who you are and where you are in your journey through life! I check in here fairly often so would hope to be relatively swift in my replies, with the occasional day or two delay when things get a bit heavy in my world too…

Much love

I cannot take any medications except weed for the same reasons, horrible, worse than the problem side effects, many medications actually send me to the er in need of life saving measures, yeah so no meds for me. Even without the meds, or maybe because all the years they forced them on me during my teens when I first went from being called 'Tiny' to being called a fat cow, I can still hardly eat anything without being a huge fat cow. I did not eat for 4 days this week, my pants fit the exact same, my ring is still too tight, took it off and not wearing it now, still a fat fucking cow. I love food. I love to eat, but suddenly, since I was attacked this week, no appetite, not wanting to eat, could not shop, everything made me feel sick last night in the store, hubby took me out night before and made me eat, if I were skinny, if I looked anorexic, if I was thin and malnourished, still not okay. Was hoping to be thin before I died, not waiting around for that anymore, no need to bury me in a piano case, just fucking cremate my ass and throw me down the toilet