ajrosemary
tomorrow
- Apr 23, 2023
- 3
A few weeks ago I was actually at my worst. I failed a dual enrollment class, im barely passing the rest of my classes, my mom hates me, my dad cheated on my mom, I stopped becoming friends with one of my best friends (called E) who straight up mentally drained me, and I'm still trying to understand my religious and sexual trauma while going to a christian private school.
So I tried to call the suicide hotline and honestly it didn't do shit. They always say the same thing— to just distract myself. Distractions don't work anymore. I was actually going to do it. But I was just so scared of hurting my friends so I posted on my close friends story for help.
Worst mistake of my life. I ended up talking to a friend that day and sure, he helped me a bit, made me not feel alone and all that sappy bullshit. But just when I thought I was going to get better… I was called into the guidance counselor's office. There is where I found out that someone snitched on me and told her about my suicidal thoughts.
That's how my parents found out. That's how the police were called on me. That's how I was almost baker acted. Traumatizing as hell.
But do you know what's makes this worse for me? The fact that it's been almost a month since that happened and my parents never asked me if I'm okay. Never got me a therapist. Never even said I love you or gave me a hug or anything. They just gave me cool Christmas gifts like that was supposed to make me not suicidal anymore and called it a day, returned to their normal bickering selves.
Same with my friends. It feels like everyone wants to forget me. All because I asked for help once?
Never again.
I'm never asking for help again. I'm never letting my friends get close again. I'm done.
So I tried to call the suicide hotline and honestly it didn't do shit. They always say the same thing— to just distract myself. Distractions don't work anymore. I was actually going to do it. But I was just so scared of hurting my friends so I posted on my close friends story for help.
Worst mistake of my life. I ended up talking to a friend that day and sure, he helped me a bit, made me not feel alone and all that sappy bullshit. But just when I thought I was going to get better… I was called into the guidance counselor's office. There is where I found out that someone snitched on me and told her about my suicidal thoughts.
That's how my parents found out. That's how the police were called on me. That's how I was almost baker acted. Traumatizing as hell.
But do you know what's makes this worse for me? The fact that it's been almost a month since that happened and my parents never asked me if I'm okay. Never got me a therapist. Never even said I love you or gave me a hug or anything. They just gave me cool Christmas gifts like that was supposed to make me not suicidal anymore and called it a day, returned to their normal bickering selves.
Same with my friends. It feels like everyone wants to forget me. All because I asked for help once?
Never again.
I'm never asking for help again. I'm never letting my friends get close again. I'm done.
