Method I apparently can't die

[Magnus]

Hello all. I'm Magnus, no, it's not my real name but it's what you can call me. I've been actively suicidal for several months now. I've made several attempts which I will detail following so you can learn from my mistakes. Hope you guys have an easier time than I did. Each of these attempts required me to take at least one week to recover from the effects of the attempt and at least another week to gather courage to try again or find ways to try something new. This is what has taken so long. I find myself unable to cause myself direct physical harm, such as stabbing myself or driving my car into traffic. This has limited my options severely, and poisoning has been my go to choice. My body is incredibly durable to harm that comes to it and with no major allergies, ailments, or natural ways to ctb, It's been quite an adventure trying to end my life.

A side note, all versions of Tylenol listed below are Meijer Brand Arthritis Strength 650mg tablets

Attempt #1 Medicine Overdose

My first attempt I tried taking three times my normal amount of medicine I take at night

Reason for Failure:None of the meds would kill me if overdosed
Side Effects:Headache

Notes:This was my first, half-hearted attempt and I'm not sure if I expected it to work or not as I never even looked into what would happen if I took them all at once


Attempt #2 Cold Medicine

For the first try I downed 2 full bottles of acetaminophen full cold medicine, along with about 20 Tylenol pills

Reason for failure: Unknown

Side Effects: Felt like head was full of cotton, vomiting, slept for nearly 24 hours, lightheadedness

Notes: As with all my attempts with Tylenol and acetaminophen, I'm still unsure why this didn't work


Attempt #3 Water poisoning

Next I drank 3 gallons of water in 6 hours

Reason for failure: My survival instinct would not let me down the water fast enough and the poisoning was unable to work correctly

Side Effects: Constant urination, headache, loss of appetite

Notes: I don't know if I expected this one to truly work or not, I wasn't fully aware of how to properly do this method


Attempt #4 Bitter Apricot Kernels

I bought 2 and a half pounds of bitter apricot kernels from a local organic health food store and used a blender to chop them up. I then baked the chopped nuts into brownies

Reason for failure: Baking/Cooking stone pit kernels makes them safe to eat, and to work correctly they must be eaten all at once, not slowly over two days

Side Effects: None other than a really nasty taste

Notes: I didn't find out until much later about the actual toxicity of cyanide poisoning from stone pits like this, much to my dismay


Attempt #5 Apple Seeds

I bought dozens of apples and saved the seeds, eating the seeds all at once

Reason for failure: Not enough seeds

Side Effects: None noted

Notes: While I attempted this once, I failed to gather the courage to try again. Also, note that apple seeds must be chewed for this to work, if you simply swallow them they pass through you. My advice if you choose this method, gather as many apple seeds as you can, at least more than 60, and chew them all at once. It will be unpleasant but it'll do the job better than other stone pits


Attempt #6 Tylenol pills #1- 40 pills

Reason for failure: Unknown

Side Effects: Headache, vomiting, sleeping for nearly 24 hours, stomachache, and when taking these you get this smell in your nose like you've inhaled crushed Tylenol.

Notes: I took these pills on an empty stomach and vomited early, and on my next try I had food in my stomach, so for my third try I ate before hand, and still this method failed


Attempt #7 Tylenol pills #2- 70 pills

After the lower amount failed, I figured I'd up the amount of pills

Reason for failure:Unknown

Side Effects:Same

Notes: I'm unsure why this many pills failed to kill me. So I upped the amount again


Attempt #8 Tylenol pills #3- 90 pills

After 70 pills failed to ctb, I wanted to take 100 pills, but I couldn't stomach them, but I nearly finished the 2 bottles of 50 pills.

Reason for failure: Every website agreed that the amount needed to kill someone was 16,000 mg and 90 pills equated to nearly 60,000 mg, almost 4 times the amount agreed upon. Why this time didn't ctb I still don't know

Side Effects: Same

Notes: Nearly 100 Tylenol pills and I faced no long term effects. I recently had blood work done and nothing unusual showed up in my liver panel and other bloodwork which means that all of the acetaminophen I ingested not only failed to ctb in the massive amounts that I took but also failed to cause any damage, which is astounding


Attempt #9 Cherry Pits

When Cherries came into season, I bought 2 bulging bags, about 3-4 pounds worth, and blended them all up, pits and all (I removed the stems, though). I then drank the blended cherries hoping that the cyanide in them would work as planned

Reason For Failure: I suspect I didn't have enough cherries, and I drank the mixture in halves separated by 3-4 hours, so it may have also been a time limit

Side Effects: constipation, stomachache

Notes:Cherry pits have a considerably less amount of cyanide in them that apple seeds. If this is the method you choose, go with apple seeds, they amount faster and are easier to swallow.


Attempt #10 Castor Bean

I read that Ricin is a powerful poison, so I ordered small castor beans from Etsy and ate them

Reason for failure:Unknown

Side Effects:Burning mouth, violent vomiting, diarrhea

Notes: I ate these in their shell in some baked beans. I DO NOT recommend this. It was completely disgusting and I still gag thinking about it, the shells crush in a really disgusting way


Attempt #11 Large Castor Bean #1

After the failure of the small castor bean, I bought large ones from Etsy.

Reason for Failure:Unknown
Side Effects: Same

Notes: This time I ate them, again in their shell, in an instant brownie microwave meal. I still can't stomach the food anymore


Attempt #12 Large Castor Bean #2

With some left over Castor beans, I boiled them and ate them as they were. They were gross but mostly stayed down until later that night when they came up again, just like the others

Reason for Failure: Unknown
Side Effects: Same

Notes: Castor beans taste disgusting. If they work for you, great. But they taste horrible and the side effects are the second worst of all methods I've tried


Attempt #13 Pong Pong Seed

I bought multiple Pong Pong seeds from Ebay, the only place that I could find multiple sellers for them. I bought seeds from 5 different sellers, a total of 21 seeds. The Kernels inside were so dried and dead they wouldn't even grow if planted, let alone work for the intended purpose. I finally found two seeds that had a perfect kernel that was healthy and would work. I cooked some dirty rice and ate them, having read that the pong pong seed flavor can be disguised with spicy food. Let me be clear, when they say spicy, they mean really spicy, because the pong pong seeds are completely gross. I'm gagging now just typing this.

Reason for Failure: Unknown
Side Effects: light vomiting, diarrhea, burning mouth, these seeds also made me sick for a few days, and have the worst, most unpleasant side effects of anything I've tried so far

Notes: If you can disguise the taste and have a less durable body this method may work for you. But let me be clear, if you choose the pong pong seed, choose how you eat it carefully, because it is the most disgusting thing I've ever had the misfortune to put in my mouth


This coming Saturday I'm heading down to a Halloween Party, where I've decided to try Zip-ties around the neck. I doubt my body can fight off suffocation like it apparently can poisoning

 

[TheUnrealGod]

I think you are trying the wrong methods, most of these has low taxes of lethality

 

[TheUnrealGod]

Try read about parcial hanging or charcoal, I will try charcoal this week

 

[Magnus]

I think you are trying the wrong methods, most of these has low taxes of lethality

Yeah. I figured that out on my own. Like I said, I can't cause myself direct physical harm, my survival instict still sticks around enough for that. So I've had to make do with methods that I can trick my body into accepting. I've tested a new method, zip tie strangulation, and I think it'll work this time. Actually work, if I can make them tight enough

 

[Arak]

@Magnus ,

Make sure you really want to die first ... and poison is hard.

Hint: sodium nitrite, sodium azide, a few others but odds are that your survival instinct would kick in. Killing yourself is very hard.

 

[Magnus]

I'm on attempt #14 right now. Trust me, I know it's hard. Frustrating too, I wanted to be gone months ago

 

[Candour]

I've also had several failed attempts. It's heartbreaking. I'm going with hanging, it really can't fail.

 

[Limbo]

You can die bro, the problems is you are using methods used to get attention. After this many attempts, I wonder if youre getting the help you need. You dont seem to be of sound mind.

 

[MAIO]

Hello all. I'm Magnus, no, it's not my real name but it's what you can call me. I've been actively suicidal for several months now. I've made several attempts which I will detail following so you can learn from my mistakes. Hope you guys have an easier time than I did. Each of these attempts required me to take at least one week to recover from the effects of the attempt and at least another week to gather courage to try again or find ways to try something new. This is what has taken so long. I find myself unable to cause myself direct physical harm, such as stabbing myself or driving my car into traffic. This has limited my options severely, and poisoning has been my go to choice. My body is incredibly durable to harm that comes to it and with no major allergies, ailments, or natural ways to ctb, It's been quite an adventure trying to end my life.

A side note, all versions of Tylenol listed below are Meijer Brand Arthritis Strength 650mg tablets

Attempt #1 Medicine Overdose

My first attempt I tried taking three times my normal amount of medicine I take at night

Reason for Failure:None of the meds would kill me if overdosed
Side Effects:Headache

Notes:This was my first, half-hearted attempt and I'm not sure if I expected it to work or not as I never even looked into what would happen if I took them all at once


Attempt #2 Cold Medicine

For the first try I downed 2 full bottles of acetaminophen full cold medicine, along with about 20 Tylenol pills

Reason for failure: Unknown

Side Effects: Felt like head was full of cotton, vomiting, slept for nearly 24 hours, lightheadedness

Notes: As with all my attempts with Tylenol and acetaminophen, I'm still unsure why this didn't work


Attempt #3 Water poisoning

Next I drank 3 gallons of water in 6 hours

Reason for failure: My survival instinct would not let me down the water fast enough and the poisoning was unable to work correctly

Side Effects: Constant urination, headache, loss of appetite

Notes: I don't know if I expected this one to truly work or not, I wasn't fully aware of how to properly do this method


Attempt #4 Bitter Apricot Kernels

I bought 2 and a half pounds of bitter apricot kernels from a local organic health food store and used a blender to chop them up. I then baked the chopped nuts into brownies

Reason for failure: Baking/Cooking stone pit kernels makes them safe to eat, and to work correctly they must be eaten all at once, not slowly over two days

Side Effects: None other than a really nasty taste

Notes: I didn't find out until much later about the actual toxicity of cyanide poisoning from stone pits like this, much to my dismay


Attempt #5 Apple Seeds

I bought dozens of apples and saved the seeds, eating the seeds all at once

Reason for failure: Not enough seeds

Side Effects: None noted

Notes: While I attempted this once, I failed to gather the courage to try again. Also, note that apple seeds must be chewed for this to work, if you simply swallow them they pass through you. My advice if you choose this method, gather as many apple seeds as you can, at least more than 60, and chew them all at once. It will be unpleasant but it'll do the job better than other stone pits


Attempt #6 Tylenol pills #1- 40 pills

Reason for failure: Unknown

Side Effects: Headache, vomiting, sleeping for nearly 24 hours, stomachache, and when taking these you get this smell in your nose like you've inhaled crushed Tylenol.

Notes: I took these pills on an empty stomach and vomited early, and on my next try I had food in my stomach, so for my third try I ate before hand, and still this method failed


Attempt #7 Tylenol pills #2- 70 pills

After the lower amount failed, I figured I'd up the amount of pills

Reason for failure:Unknown

Side Effects:Same

Notes: I'm unsure why this many pills failed to kill me. So I upped the amount again


Attempt #8 Tylenol pills #3- 90 pills

After 70 pills failed to ctb, I wanted to take 100 pills, but I couldn't stomach them, but I nearly finished the 2 bottles of 50 pills.

Reason for failure: Every website agreed that the amount needed to kill someone was 16,000 mg and 90 pills equated to nearly 60,000 mg, almost 4 times the amount agreed upon. Why this time didn't ctb I still don't know

Side Effects: Same

Notes: Nearly 100 Tylenol pills and I faced no long term effects. I recently had blood work done and nothing unusual showed up in my liver panel and other bloodwork which means that all of the acetaminophen I ingested not only failed to ctb in the massive amounts that I took but also failed to cause any damage, which is astounding


Attempt #9 Cherry Pits

When Cherries came into season, I bought 2 bulging bags, about 3-4 pounds worth, and blended them all up, pits and all (I removed the stems, though). I then drank the blended cherries hoping that the cyanide in them would work as planned

Reason For Failure: I suspect I didn't have enough cherries, and I drank the mixture in halves separated by 3-4 hours, so it may have also been a time limit

Side Effects: constipation, stomachache

Notes:Cherry pits have a considerably less amount of cyanide in them that apple seeds. If this is the method you choose, go with apple seeds, they amount faster and are easier to swallow.


Attempt #10 Castor Bean

I read that Ricin is a powerful poison, so I ordered small castor beans from Etsy and ate them

Reason for failure:Unknown

Side Effects:Burning mouth, violent vomiting, diarrhea

Notes: I ate these in their shell in some baked beans. I DO NOT recommend this. It was completely disgusting and I still gag thinking about it, the shells crush in a really disgusting way


Attempt #11 Large Castor Bean #1

After the failure of the small castor bean, I bought large ones from Etsy.

Reason for Failure:Unknown
Side Effects: Same

Notes: This time I ate them, again in their shell, in an instant brownie microwave meal. I still can't stomach the food anymore


Attempt #12 Large Castor Bean #2

With some left over Castor beans, I boiled them and ate them as they were. They were gross but mostly stayed down until later that night when they came up again, just like the others

Reason for Failure: Unknown
Side Effects: Same

Notes: Castor beans taste disgusting. If they work for you, great. But they taste horrible and the side effects are the second worst of all methods I've tried


Attempt #13 Pong Pong Seed

I bought multiple Pong Pong seeds from Ebay, the only place that I could find multiple sellers for them. I bought seeds from 5 different sellers, a total of 21 seeds. The Kernels inside were so dried and dead they wouldn't even grow if planted, let alone work for the intended purpose. I finally found two seeds that had a perfect kernel that was healthy and would work. I cooked some dirty rice and ate them, having read that the pong pong seed flavor can be disguised with spicy food. Let me be clear, when they say spicy, they mean really spicy, because the pong pong seeds are completely gross. I'm gagging now just typing this.

Reason for Failure: Unknown
Side Effects: light vomiting, diarrhea, burning mouth, these seeds also made me sick for a few days, and have the worst, most unpleasant side effects of anything I've tried so far

Notes: If you can disguise the taste and have a less durable body this method may work for you. But let me be clear, if you choose the pong pong seed, choose how you eat it carefully, because it is the most disgusting thing I've ever had the misfortune to put in my mouth


This coming Saturday I'm heading down to a Halloween Party, where I've decided to try Zip-ties around the neck. I doubt my body can fight off suffocation like it apparently can poisoning

Reason for failure lack of proper research. You do not want to die from overdose on aspirin or anything similar. The reason why it's so hard to kill yourself from aspirin is you would have to cause liver failure with a substance found in large quantities in lemons. Liver failure death is terrible days of intense pain where most painkillers don't work etc. Proper research prevents piss poor performance. Their are many methods close to guarante that are relativly fast-much faster than days of severe pain. Suicide from zip ties is a terrible idea.

 

[Trashcan]

Thanks for sharing. It might not hurt to use a method like carbon monoxide poisoning and fall asleep. Maybe do it in a car or something so it doesn't spread around the house (and set off alarms).

And it's hard to ctb with an overdose. I once took over 100 pills of Tylenol and I'm still around 5 1/2 years later with no damage. The people who die easily from Tylenol overdoses probably already had some kind of issue... it is exaggerated how easy it is to ctb with Tylenol. If you must go by overdose, sodium nitrite (SN) could help and sodium azide (SA) could help.

 

[Limbo]

Thanks for sharing. It might not hurt to use a method like carbon monoxide poisoning and fall asleep. Maybe do it in a car or something so it doesn't spread around the house (and set off alarms).

And it's hard to ctb with an overdose. I once took over 100 pills of Tylenol and I'm still around 5 1/2 years later with no damage. The people who die easily from Tylenol overdoses probably already had some kind of issue... it is exaggerated how easy it is to ctb with Tylenol. If you must go by overdose, sodium nitrite (SN) could help and sodium azide (SA) could help.

I dont think this guy wants to die man. I think he needs help. Maybe op can educate me?

 

[Magnus]

No, my efforts to die are real. My fault here is that my survival instinct still kicks in to keep me from causing physical harm to myself, such as Hanging myself or causing an auto accident, for example. I've had to do my best to get around that and I never knew this website existed so my efforts have been mostly limited to what I can try and poison myself with, which sadly is tainted by internet speculation. Hence the multiple failures. I discovered this forum when I searched for if ctb via zip tie strangulation was viable, which is my current objective. I've done some tests and I think it'll work for me. My plans and desire to die are real. But I have to fight myself to do it, which causes more trouble than just the effort to die

 

[Trashcan]

I dont think this guy wants to die man. I think he needs help. Maybe op can educate me?

Maybe. But it could be they don't know the right method for them. I used to over-predict how well overdoses would work, and every single time, my survival instinct kick in and I would call for help. But thanks to this website, that has changed. OP could be in a similar situation.

 

[Virgo]

No, my efforts to die are real. My fault here is that my survival instinct still kicks in to keep me from causing physical harm to myself, such as Hanging myself or causing an auto accident, for example. I've had to do my best to get around that and I never knew this website existed so my efforts have been mostly limited to what I can try and poison myself with, which sadly is tainted by internet speculation. Hence the multiple failures. I discovered this forum when I searched for if ctb via zip tie strangulation was viable, which is my current objective. I've done some tests and I think it'll work for me. My plans and desire to die are real. But I have to fight myself to do it, which causes more trouble than just the effort to die

I read a case report of a man doing just that.

 

[Magnus]

@Magnus ,

Make sure you really want to die first ... and poison is hard.

Hint: sodium nitrite, sodium azide, a few others but odds are that your survival instinct would kick in. Killing yourself is very hard.

I've ordered some Sodium Azide. This site has been extremely helpful. I never knew this existed but it seems like a better solution than zip ties, so we'll see how it goes.

 

[Arak]

@Magnus , just prepare before you try ... it's easy to mess up/suffer.

 

[Arak]

Everyoen will die, it's just a matter of timing.

 

[Magnus]

@Magnus , just prepare before you try ... it's easy to mess up/suffer.

I was going to measure out 50 grams (half of the 100 gram bottle I ordered), mix it in 8 ounces of water, and drink it at the end of the Halloween Party I'm going to attend on Saturday. I'll take 2 Dramamine pills about 30 minutes before hand to help keep it down. Think that'll work?

 

[bigj75]

Like trying to kill yourself with a nerf gun. Why are you using such low lethal methods?

 

[bigj75]

Everyoen will die, it's just a matter of timing.

True but it's the waiting part. If waiting till that point is unbearable id rather not wait for death.

 

[Magnus]

Like trying to kill yourself with a nerf gun. Why are you using such low lethal methods?

Did you... Did you not read the posts? It was explained quite a few times. Or were you referring to the Azide, as though it wouldn't work?

 

[Volatile]

You seem more like the attention seeking type.

 

[Magnus]

You seem more like the attention seeking type.

IF I were doing this for attention, which I am not, I would have done any of these attempts where people can see me. Gotten help. Been seen trying these. I wouldn't be considering ZIP TYING my NECK shut or taking a lethal dose of Azide. I'm not doing this for attention and I do not appreciate the insinuation. I have explained why I tried the methods I did. I'm here now, finding methods that will actually work and as of this moment I have a plan that I believe will work. Going out to an abandoned beach where there are no people to poison myself to literal death doesn't really scream "Attention seeking"

 

[Volatile]

IF I were doing this for attention, which I am not, I would have done any of these attempts where people can see me. Gotten help. Been seen trying these. I wouldn't be considering ZIP TYING my NECK shut or taking a lethal dose of Azide. I'm not doing this for attention and I do not appreciate the insinuation. I have explained why I tried the methods I did. I'm here now, finding methods that will actually work and as of this moment I have a plan that I believe will work. Going out to an abandoned beach where there are no people to poison myself to literal death doesn't really scream "Attention seeking"

It's attention seeking HERE

 

[Sayo]

On paracetamol/acetaminophen: much harder to overdose with than it seems, potentially lethal but not reliably. That is generally the difference with most overdose drugs, they CAN kill you but probably won't what with vomiting, biochemical variance, and the urge to seek help. Also many can take weeks, like paracetamol...

On water poisoning: it's not just survival instinct but literally how your body is adapted to control its osmolarity. One way is that when you're thirsty it's easy to swallow water and when you're not it's progressively harder for your motor system to coordinate swallowing. You can feel this within two glasses. It becomes a herculean effort eventually.

You've put a large amount of effort into this, and purchasing things doesn't seem to be an obstacle for you. Why not CO, sodium nitrite (the right anti emetics can be found on eBay), or (edited: I suggested suspension over the zip ties but I see why now - still, same problems)? I see that you have ordered azide, which is a big improvement.

I don't doubt that you want to die, whether you are at peace or not with it. And that you are here to research it. But rushing into suicide is a good way to compromise it and leave yourself with permanent damage. For all people here say we overthink it, unless you are capable of executing the right method impulsively, which you said you're not, it's worth it, both for the self-contemplation and the knowledge as you approach death that you are truly going. There's no shame in needing to take a bit of time to ensure you have a proper exit, or being unable to inflict violence on yourself against all of your evolutionary instincts and existential knowledge.

My recommendation would be to stop rushing and instead focus on researching a reliably lethal method. And maybe peaceful, if only because panic over pain can compromise many methods. Azide is painful. It will take you a few more weeks to conduct this research and source the things you need for, say, CO. Read the inorganic salts chapter of the Peaceful Pill Handbook if you haven't already, for guidance on the method at least - it can be accessed for free in the Resources thread, and has information on other methods to kick-start your decision making.

I'm genuinely sorry for the amount of suffering that has led you through this path.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

@Magnus are you danish? I know it´s a made up name but it´s a common danish name that is why I ask.

 

[Jai]

Hello all. I'm Magnus, no, it's not my real name but it's what you can call me. I've been actively suicidal for several months now. I've made several attempts which I will detail following so you can learn from my mistakes. Hope you guys have an easier time than I did. Each of these attempts required me to take at least one week to recover from the effects of the attempt and at least another week to gather courage to try again or find ways to try something new. This is what has taken so long. I find myself unable to cause myself direct physical harm, such as stabbing myself or driving my car into traffic. This has limited my options severely, and poisoning has been my go to choice. My body is incredibly durable to harm that comes to it and with no major allergies, ailments, or natural ways to ctb, It's been quite an adventure trying to end my life.

A side note, all versions of Tylenol listed below are Meijer Brand Arthritis Strength 650mg tablets

Attempt #1 Medicine Overdose

My first attempt I tried taking three times my normal amount of medicine I take at night

Reason for Failure:None of the meds would kill me if overdosed
Side Effects:Headache

Notes:This was my first, half-hearted attempt and I'm not sure if I expected it to work or not as I never even looked into what would happen if I took them all at once


Attempt #2 Cold Medicine

For the first try I downed 2 full bottles of acetaminophen full cold medicine, along with about 20 Tylenol pills

Reason for failure: Unknown

Side Effects: Felt like head was full of cotton, vomiting, slept for nearly 24 hours, lightheadedness

Notes: As with all my attempts with Tylenol and acetaminophen, I'm still unsure why this didn't work


Attempt #3 Water poisoning

Next I drank 3 gallons of water in 6 hours

Reason for failure: My survival instinct would not let me down the water fast enough and the poisoning was unable to work correctly

Side Effects: Constant urination, headache, loss of appetite

Notes: I don't know if I expected this one to truly work or not, I wasn't fully aware of how to properly do this method


Attempt #4 Bitter Apricot Kernels

I bought 2 and a half pounds of bitter apricot kernels from a local organic health food store and used a blender to chop them up. I then baked the chopped nuts into brownies

Reason for failure: Baking/Cooking stone pit kernels makes them safe to eat, and to work correctly they must be eaten all at once, not slowly over two days

Side Effects: None other than a really nasty taste

Notes: I didn't find out until much later about the actual toxicity of cyanide poisoning from stone pits like this, much to my dismay


Attempt #5 Apple Seeds

I bought dozens of apples and saved the seeds, eating the seeds all at once

Reason for failure: Not enough seeds

Side Effects: None noted

Notes: While I attempted this once, I failed to gather the courage to try again. Also, note that apple seeds must be chewed for this to work, if you simply swallow them they pass through you. My advice if you choose this method, gather as many apple seeds as you can, at least more than 60, and chew them all at once. It will be unpleasant but it'll do the job better than other stone pits


Attempt #6 Tylenol pills #1- 40 pills

Reason for failure: Unknown

Side Effects: Headache, vomiting, sleeping for nearly 24 hours, stomachache, and when taking these you get this smell in your nose like you've inhaled crushed Tylenol.

Notes: I took these pills on an empty stomach and vomited early, and on my next try I had food in my stomach, so for my third try I ate before hand, and still this method failed


Attempt #7 Tylenol pills #2- 70 pills

After the lower amount failed, I figured I'd up the amount of pills

Reason for failure:Unknown

Side Effects:Same

Notes: I'm unsure why this many pills failed to kill me. So I upped the amount again


Attempt #8 Tylenol pills #3- 90 pills

After 70 pills failed to ctb, I wanted to take 100 pills, but I couldn't stomach them, but I nearly finished the 2 bottles of 50 pills.

Reason for failure: Every website agreed that the amount needed to kill someone was 16,000 mg and 90 pills equated to nearly 60,000 mg, almost 4 times the amount agreed upon. Why this time didn't ctb I still don't know

Side Effects: Same

Notes: Nearly 100 Tylenol pills and I faced no long term effects. I recently had blood work done and nothing unusual showed up in my liver panel and other bloodwork which means that all of the acetaminophen I ingested not only failed to ctb in the massive amounts that I took but also failed to cause any damage, which is astounding


Attempt #9 Cherry Pits

When Cherries came into season, I bought 2 bulging bags, about 3-4 pounds worth, and blended them all up, pits and all (I removed the stems, though). I then drank the blended cherries hoping that the cyanide in them would work as planned

Reason For Failure: I suspect I didn't have enough cherries, and I drank the mixture in halves separated by 3-4 hours, so it may have also been a time limit

Side Effects: constipation, stomachache

Notes:Cherry pits have a considerably less amount of cyanide in them that apple seeds. If this is the method you choose, go with apple seeds, they amount faster and are easier to swallow.


Attempt #10 Castor Bean

I read that Ricin is a powerful poison, so I ordered small castor beans from Etsy and ate them

Reason for failure:Unknown

Side Effects:Burning mouth, violent vomiting, diarrhea

Notes: I ate these in their shell in some baked beans. I DO NOT recommend this. It was completely disgusting and I still gag thinking about it, the shells crush in a really disgusting way


Attempt #11 Large Castor Bean #1

After the failure of the small castor bean, I bought large ones from Etsy.

Reason for Failure:Unknown
Side Effects: Same

Notes: This time I ate them, again in their shell, in an instant brownie microwave meal. I still can't stomach the food anymore


Attempt #12 Large Castor Bean #2

With some left over Castor beans, I boiled them and ate them as they were. They were gross but mostly stayed down until later that night when they came up again, just like the others

Reason for Failure: Unknown
Side Effects: Same

Notes: Castor beans taste disgusting. If they work for you, great. But they taste horrible and the side effects are the second worst of all methods I've tried


Attempt #13 Pong Pong Seed

I bought multiple Pong Pong seeds from Ebay, the only place that I could find multiple sellers for them. I bought seeds from 5 different sellers, a total of 21 seeds. The Kernels inside were so dried and dead they wouldn't even grow if planted, let alone work for the intended purpose. I finally found two seeds that had a perfect kernel that was healthy and would work. I cooked some dirty rice and ate them, having read that the pong pong seed flavor can be disguised with spicy food. Let me be clear, when they say spicy, they mean really spicy, because the pong pong seeds are completely gross. I'm gagging now just typing this.

Reason for Failure: Unknown
Side Effects: light vomiting, diarrhea, burning mouth, these seeds also made me sick for a few days, and have the worst, most unpleasant side effects of anything I've tried so far

Notes: If you can disguise the taste and have a less durable body this method may work for you. But let me be clear, if you choose the pong pong seed, choose how you eat it carefully, because it is the most disgusting thing I've ever had the misfortune to put in my mouth


This coming Saturday I'm heading down to a Halloween Party, where I've decided to try Zip-ties around the neck. I doubt my body can fight off suffocation like it apparently can poisoning

Can kind of relate first attempt OD massive on painkillers effect nothing

Second attempt NSAIDS outcome nothing vomited them all up

Third and fourth attempt handgun

Survival instinct first time I put a gun to my head second time was a certainty off all the days in all the years my wife came home early and I didn't hear her had my earbuds in and was sectioned

Fifth attempt partial almost worked roped snapped

Sixth attempt sodium azide almost 2 grams debatable outcome pain vomiting for days and probably some lasting consequences this was horrible

So all in all it's like something or someone doesn't want me to go but the probably truth is I'm not doing it right or my survival instinct kicks in

 

[111aaa]

@Magnus are you danish? I know it´s a made up name but it´s a common danish name that is why I ask.

It was the title of a very good Estonian movie too (about suicide):
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0979917/

 

[Retched]

I seem to have a different problem...every single freaking time I get serious and have my intention set on CBT- something weird happens. Tonight- a car horn started going off across the street and then went off for 5 minutes or so (old alarm? I don't know) awakening the household...last time an emergency vehicle pulls up in front of our house at 3 am when I was literally ready to tie my scarf into position for partial. Again, waking everyone in the household b/c the sirens were going off...Before that, I was out to the shed in the early morning, and low and behold, I noticed my neighbor in the yard getting into her new hot tub (at like 5 in the morning???) well there ya go. Three times foiled by freaking weird happenstances. I'm over it. It's looking like I'll have to check in to a motel or something. But what is gonna happen then? Fire alarm? Probably.

 

[throwaway777]

It's attention seeking HERE

... idk why you are saying this ...he attempted a lot of times and failed but that doesnt mean he's an attention seeker ... fighting your survival instinct needs a lot of tries ... and i understand his reasons for using poisoning because it's easier to drink something potentially lethal than hanging or stabbing yourself ...i am weak and i cannot do these methods ...this is why i feel even more trapped ... and this makes me suffer even more...but it's natural ...we are not attention seekers for being scared ...