jbear824
trapped & scared
- Jul 4, 2023
- 287
at least that's what the rest of society will view me and my family (my best friend and partner) as when we lose our home before the year is over. we'll probably get called drug addicts and lazy, because that's what stupid, moronic people think of the homeless. there is a pretty universal sentiment in the world that homeless people should either be locked up somewhere, or just die. we're going from being part of society to universally hated and despised. Just for existing without a house. I hate being called lazy. I have mental illness that prevents me from working. and the kind of help and support structure i would need to be able to even think about recovering/working just does not exist and our society has 0 interest in creating those kinds of support systems. even if i wasn't disabled, why would i want to be a fucking wage slave? to be in the exact same situation economically but with added slavery? so, i am condemned to die on the streets. my choices are either kill myself in horribly painful, violent ways, or wait until starvation, freezing, heat stroke or diabetes kills me.
we're thinking of setting up our future tent behind the walmart near our current home. they have food, water, public bathroom, clothes. we'd have almost everything we needed. the only thing we wont be able to do is bathe. so that will be interesting with 3 people crammed into a single tent. idk how we'll survive the coming winter. we have no winter gear and no money to afford any. so there is a good chance we'll all freeze to death this winter. and that will probably hurt a lot. plus the added suffering of having to watch the people i love freeze to death as well. our local shelters are full and we have no car, so we're not mobile either.
we don't have the money to move into a new place. we can't move to a more affordable area because we have no way of doing that. and the other people in our lives, they care, but not enough to open their homes to us or anything. we're going to be all on our own, homeless, for the remainder of our lives until we all die in some way.
i would rather ctb than go through this. but society has dictated that i must do so in a long, painful traumatic way as punishment for not being a slave to the economy. as must my loved ones. and because of my partner, i can't leave. i can't abandon him to homelessness all by himself. that would be just so cruel and heartless. and i can't do it. so i'm stuck. i'm trapped in a life with almost nothing but suffering ahead of me.
i can't function anymore. every day is filled with dread, panic, terror, and so much anxiety that i can't even stay conscious a lot of the time. i can't look at my partner without crying, the image of his dead body in the tent consuming my brain. my friend is 65. homelessness will probably kill her, leaving me and my partner all alone. i don't enjoy things anymore. because all i can think or feel is, "what's the point of this when we're going to lose it all and never get it back?".
there is nothing we can do to stop or preventing this outcome. its completely out of our control at this point. we're just going to be casualties in this late stage capitalist hellscape that people idiotically love so much. we do get some gov assistance in the form of social security. but its just not enough to secure housing. we don't even know how much longer we'll have that. depending on the next couple of election, social security could be done away with, and then we'll truly have nothing. nor do we have the ability to move somewhere more affordable. we're not mobile. we rely on uber/friends with cars to get us around. so we don't have the ability to move to a different state or city that's more affordable. we're stuck where we are.
me and my friend also have pretty bad digestive issues from years of trauma we both suffered. i fear that if we do live behind walmart and use their public bathroom too much, they'll ban us from the store and then we'll have nowhere to go to the bathroom.
there is no way out. the only way out would be for me to get a full time job which i am not capable of. and for my partner to switch to full time which he is also not capable of. short of that, there is nothing we can do. this is going to be our life until it ends. and when my friend dies, idk how we'll survive. idk how to keep me and my partner alive, i have no skills of any kind. its a hopeless and impossible situation. honestly i think the three of us should just all ctb and get it over with. but i know they'd never go for that.
its cruel that opting out of life when it hits rock bottom with no way up is not allowed. we have the means to provide peaceful and painless death to anyone. yet its forbidden because apparently living is the best thing ever, or some other pro-life bullshit like that. I'm glad Canada is leading the way in allowing those in chronic poverty/homelessness to exit life. no one should be forced to live that way if they have no way out of it. it'll never happen in the US though. they need us little slaves alive to make the economy better for rich people. my hope is that once i'm gone the US suffers a big downfall someday. it deserves it. fuck this gold plated shithole of a country that puts money above everything else.
we're thinking of setting up our future tent behind the walmart near our current home. they have food, water, public bathroom, clothes. we'd have almost everything we needed. the only thing we wont be able to do is bathe. so that will be interesting with 3 people crammed into a single tent. idk how we'll survive the coming winter. we have no winter gear and no money to afford any. so there is a good chance we'll all freeze to death this winter. and that will probably hurt a lot. plus the added suffering of having to watch the people i love freeze to death as well. our local shelters are full and we have no car, so we're not mobile either.
we don't have the money to move into a new place. we can't move to a more affordable area because we have no way of doing that. and the other people in our lives, they care, but not enough to open their homes to us or anything. we're going to be all on our own, homeless, for the remainder of our lives until we all die in some way.
i would rather ctb than go through this. but society has dictated that i must do so in a long, painful traumatic way as punishment for not being a slave to the economy. as must my loved ones. and because of my partner, i can't leave. i can't abandon him to homelessness all by himself. that would be just so cruel and heartless. and i can't do it. so i'm stuck. i'm trapped in a life with almost nothing but suffering ahead of me.
i can't function anymore. every day is filled with dread, panic, terror, and so much anxiety that i can't even stay conscious a lot of the time. i can't look at my partner without crying, the image of his dead body in the tent consuming my brain. my friend is 65. homelessness will probably kill her, leaving me and my partner all alone. i don't enjoy things anymore. because all i can think or feel is, "what's the point of this when we're going to lose it all and never get it back?".
there is nothing we can do to stop or preventing this outcome. its completely out of our control at this point. we're just going to be casualties in this late stage capitalist hellscape that people idiotically love so much. we do get some gov assistance in the form of social security. but its just not enough to secure housing. we don't even know how much longer we'll have that. depending on the next couple of election, social security could be done away with, and then we'll truly have nothing. nor do we have the ability to move somewhere more affordable. we're not mobile. we rely on uber/friends with cars to get us around. so we don't have the ability to move to a different state or city that's more affordable. we're stuck where we are.
me and my friend also have pretty bad digestive issues from years of trauma we both suffered. i fear that if we do live behind walmart and use their public bathroom too much, they'll ban us from the store and then we'll have nowhere to go to the bathroom.
there is no way out. the only way out would be for me to get a full time job which i am not capable of. and for my partner to switch to full time which he is also not capable of. short of that, there is nothing we can do. this is going to be our life until it ends. and when my friend dies, idk how we'll survive. idk how to keep me and my partner alive, i have no skills of any kind. its a hopeless and impossible situation. honestly i think the three of us should just all ctb and get it over with. but i know they'd never go for that.
its cruel that opting out of life when it hits rock bottom with no way up is not allowed. we have the means to provide peaceful and painless death to anyone. yet its forbidden because apparently living is the best thing ever, or some other pro-life bullshit like that. I'm glad Canada is leading the way in allowing those in chronic poverty/homelessness to exit life. no one should be forced to live that way if they have no way out of it. it'll never happen in the US though. they need us little slaves alive to make the economy better for rich people. my hope is that once i'm gone the US suffers a big downfall someday. it deserves it. fuck this gold plated shithole of a country that puts money above everything else.
