Venting i am such a failure and im so tired

[scentoflavender]

i just need to type out how im feeling right now

i am worthless and a failure... i legitimately think i am a horrible, horrible person and i cause nothing but pain and suffering to those around me. i dont think there are any positives of me being around... i feel so bad for all the things ive done. i love my girlfriend very much but i feel so, so, so, bad for all the stuff i put her through with my constant mental issues and depression and getting upset and emotional.... she used to be more open about me doing it but recently shes just been telling me to stop and that im making things worse... i miss when she'd listen to me and help me... i wish she didnt just tell me to stop. but if i wasnt like this then none of this would be happening. i feel so extremely bad about it and i dont know how she stands to be around me anymore and im so angry at myself for doing this to her, i feel like a monster. i hate myself

 

[Jadeith]

I do not mean to invalidate your feelings in any way but tell me this - did you ask for this mental instability of yours? Did you actively seek to achieve mental state you're currently in? Did you want to be depressed?
Somehow i don't think answer is "yes".
You are not horrible, you have special needs. You are afflicted, not a monster. You require support as depression is one mean motherfucker, nearly impossible to beat alone as it is your own mind playing dirty tricks on you. How do i know? Mine pulls off similar shit.

 

[scentoflavender]

I do not mean to invalidate your feelings in any way but tell me this - did you ask for this mental instability of yours? Did you actively seek to achieve mental state you're currently in? Did you want to be depressed?
Somehow i don't think answer is "yes".
You are not horrible, you have special needs. You are afflicted, not a monster. You require support as depression is one mean motherfucker, nearly impossible to beat alone as it is your own mind playing dirty tricks on you. How do i know? Mine pulls off similar shit.

i definitely didnt ask for it... but i still could be better for her and not put her through it

 

[Jadeith]

You could.... or you couldn't. When you catch cold, are you able to control it's severity? Like, you could have less runny nose? Or could have lower temperature?
Not so much, eh? And cold ain't shit compared to a depression. I understand that you care about your gf and want to be as good for her as possible. Just keep in mind that sometimes what's possible is not as much as you\d like it to be. And that's beyond your control. Also, doesn't mean you're shitty person. Just a person in shitty state.

 

[selfsocio]

i just need to type out how im feeling right now

i am worthless and a failure... i legitimately think i am a horrible, horrible person and i cause nothing but pain and suffering to those around me. i dont think there are any positives of me being around... i feel so bad for all the things ive done. i love my girlfriend very much but i feel so, so, so, bad for all the stuff i put her through with my constant mental issues and depression and getting upset and emotional.... she used to be more open about me doing it but recently shes just been telling me to stop and that im making things worse... i miss when she'd listen to me and help me... i wish she didnt just tell me to stop. but if i wasnt like this then none of this would be happening. i feel so extremely bad about it and i dont know how she stands to be around me anymore and im so angry at myself for doing this to her, i feel like a monster. i hate myself

i resonate with you deeply. my boyfriend has told me that my mental health is exhausting and he doesn't want to put up with it. eventually i faked a personality around him that is constantly outgoing and happy, but pertaining to that face is making my health worse and almost unbearable...
your feelings shouldn't have to burden you, its important to reach out to someone who is willing to listen rather than someone who has to deal with it.

 

[scentoflavender]

i resonate with you deeply. my boyfriend has told me that my mental health is exhausting and he doesn't want to put up with it. eventually i faked a personality around him that is constantly outgoing and happy, but pertaining to that face is making my health worse and almost unbearable...
your feelings shouldn't have to burden you, its important to reach out to someone who is willing to listen rather than someone who has to deal with it.

yeah i try my best to mask my emotions sometimes and keep up a happy scene for her but its really hard... it sucks to have to bottle in emotions like that. shes just legit the only person i have that im comfortable enough to talk to about mental health with right now, but i also hate to put her through it (god i miss my therapist) maybe this site will help with that