I am so lonely I can't stand it

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Being in my bed staring at the walls, having to hear my housemate laughing with his girlfriend in the next room over is like salt in my necrotic wounds. On the other side of my wall I hear another housemate playing games with his friends. Sandwiched between their rooms is my cave of isolation.

I am so goddamn lonely. I wish I had family to sit with, not being forced to chat or provide entertainment, but simply to exist around with no expectations of me providing some value.

My best friend in the whole world all but abandoned me to do drugs and party all the time, since I didn't want a romantic/sexual relationship with him. He never messages me anymore.

My only other close friend, the one who rejected me, also has pretty much cut me out and refuses to see me or hang out with me at all anymore. Didn't stop him from asking me for laviscious photos though. Of course I denied this request, why would I indulge anyone who treated me so horribly. He also ignores me now, when we used to talk everyday.

All my housemates have their own lives and are tired of hearing my complaining. They all have loads of friends and are always busy.

The only person who will talk to me outside SS is the guy I dated for 2 years who repeatedly threatened to kick me out, insulted me, and hurt me in so many ways. Yet here I am, taking him back, terrified of being abandoned again if I talk too much about ctb or be honest about certain feelings and events.

Being a worthless cripple sucks, nobody wants to be around you. I am posting so much today, but I want to die so badly, and I have nowhere else to turn to.

 

[ikadasui]

I'm sorry you're suffering so much. Hope you can find somehow to entertain yourself

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I'm sorry you're suffering so much. Hope you can find somehow to entertain yourself

Thank you, I wish the same to you.

It really fucking sucks cause I think most people could distract themselves with TV, games, or other hobbies but I mostly lie in my bed playing mobile games and doomscrolling because sitting at my desk hurts my knees and I can't actually go outside and live life like a normal person.

Brain fog ruined my ability to concentrate and properly enjoy anything anyways, video games, anime, and other shows don't provide the same stimulating experience anymore. I wish I could read a book, play my instrument again, learn something new, but my neurological problems drove the nail into that coffin long ago.

 

[Seiba]

Sorry to hear. Like usual I have nothing really to say, there is nothing clever or well worded in my mind. Just blankness pretty much all the time -- hardly a person compared to some others to be honest. If you're physically lonely and if you're willing you could tell me about the mobile games you're playing? I play a bit of nier reincarnation and fate go but I'm too lazy to really bother. I will be going to sleep in a bit due to having to deal with goats and cows in the morning, as well trying to sell plasma. I'll login into the site or go back online discord the next day if you just need someone to listen to something you say. From the sounds of it though it isn't really lack of interactions, but rather the quality of them and the reminder of what you weren't allowed and what was hoped of only to be tainted in the end. So, perfectly understandable if that's not something somewhat helpful at this time.

 

[ClownMe]

I'm sorry you're going through this, im extremely lonely and as of late ive lost all interest in the things I once liked, the days are extremely boring.

 

[ikadasui]

Thank you, I wish the same to you.

It really fucking sucks cause I think most people could distract themselves with TV, games, or other hobbies but I mostly lie in my bed playing mobile games and doomscrolling because sitting at my desk hurts my knees and I can't actually go outside and live life like a normal person.

Brain fog ruined my ability to concentrate and properly enjoy anything anyways, video games, anime, and other shows don't provide the same stimulating experience anymore. I wish I could read a book, play my instrument again, learn something new, but my neurological problems drove the nail into that coffin long ago.

YUP! I feel that about the cognitive dysfunction. I'm fucked and it sucks because I too can't appreciate the art of things that well anymore. It's also why I push people away because I don't want my former friends to see me as I am now in my lesser and useless state. I was never a smart person, but by god could I have fun and live in the moment and I'd do just about anything to have that spirit and mind back

 

[whywere]

You are a loving, kind and intelligent soul with so much to give humanity that I send you huge hugs, love and the knowledge that you are never ever alone period.

You always have been a great friend on SS to me and with that aspect said, it shows just how kind thoughtful you are with such a loving spirit towards others.

You worthless? ABSOULTLY not ever period. With your wonderful personality and warm kind intelligence you are a very worth while person towards others and yourself.

I have been through the a lot in my life and when I have a really bad pain day, folks like YOU really help to brighten my day. I cherish having friends like you and please try to never let jerks get you down.

I always have a huge place in my heart for you, I never say something that I do not mean 100%, as you are like family to me/

Have a better day today, relax and be mindful that I care about you deeply and you are just such a wonderful person.

blue skies, sunny days and friends on SS to help you,

All my love to a awesome person!

Walter

 

[Pluto]

I relate very much to what you say. But I don't know what is worse, being alone watching others have fun, or trying to be around them only to be reminded that I'm still not one of them.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

We love you OP!

 

[again_noidea]

I'm sorry you're going through this, im extremely lonely and as of late ive lost all interest in the things I once liked, the days are extremely boring.

My days are also so immensely boring. I know it has to end, i head a great urge to do it a few month ago, i prepared everything but i didn't do it. Now the urge is somehow gone, i just know it intellectually that i have to go. My emotions are somehow muffled, i keep up my self medication with opiates. Still, it is so fucking boring, I even began to smoke tobacco. I guess i'll just wait for the next emotional shock that will provide the necessary emotional urge to do it.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Been feeling like this past few weeks myself. In a sense I choose to isolate though. Why? Because I have nobody around who truly understands me or even has the same interests as me. I used to. And it was the most amazing relationship I ever had. Was literally healing me. Now it's gone and honestly? I don't want anything else anymore. I just want that happiness back..

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Being a worthless cripple sucks, nobody wants to be around you. I am posting so much today, but I want to die so badly, and I have nowhere else to turn to.

This is why it pisses me off to no end when I see those "inspirational" videos featuring people with severe debilitating conditions. It is not inspiring at all. Publicly parading around these unfortunate people is insulting and degrading as hell. I am willing to bet these people were coerced into starring in these videos.

 

[FuneralCry]

Loneliness can be painful for many people. I have very long depressing days, time just passes too slowly. I struggle to concentrate and there is nothing I enjoy. It is an awful feeling when there is nothing to look forward too. I hope you find peace.

 

[LonelyBrazilian]

Damn, this post directly hit my feelings.

I'm feeling so sad because of the loneliness my chest is hurting.

 

[lostundead]

I feel ya. Been living in almost complete isolation for two years now, dont even have online friends. The worst part is feeling like I don't really exist because of this.

This forum is the only place where you can meet other suicidal cripples but it has kinda died out since it got removed from search results on google, such a pity.