I am scared to give wrong advices on here

[noname223]

I am often reluctant to give advices to people on here. I am scared to fuck their lives up even more and then I am the one to blame for.
Sometimes there is not enough information to understand the context. And sometimes I am overwhelmed by the mass of information. I have now scrolled through so many different threads but I am just scared to reply. Moreover due to the fact there are so many people suicidal where the possible decision is irreversible. Due to that fact I rather give advices which therapies helped me, medication, clinic stays. I have written several threads about my experiences in recovery. Though there are also many people on here that describe that medication ruined their lives, that their therapists abused them or showed toxic behavior. This makes it even more difficult for me to interact with people.

I tend to give general advices where people can evaluate for themselves whether it might fit to them. But going to a specific thread to a person I barely know and giving them an advice how to proceed in life. I don't know this induces anxiety for me. I wish I could help people. And I have tried that and will continue to do that. But the stakes are pretty high here and this scares me. Moreover I don't want to hurt people. And maybe a certain comment could comfort 80%, annoy 15% and truely make 5% of members very angry.

Can anyone relate?

 

[stillvoices]

I relate, and really, you can't please everyone all the time. I tend to try to give my perspective or what I have personally experienced. Since that is all I can contribute. However it depends on what they are asking also. If they just want to vent then I let them know I'm there for them because someone may just need to let it out and not want advice. Can't always read the situation well. Some may take anything said as fighting words so you know when to step away. Hard to always tell but for me I've always had to assess the feel of a room to survive. It may come natural to you as time passes. You don't have to pressure yourself if you don't have the answers either. You can be honest and say, I don't know how to help but I'm here.

 

[Freyja13]

I think this shows great understanding and compassion on your part. Honestly I wish I saw more people think through what they were saying in response to other peoples' queries, venting, or goodbye threads. We are dealing with, and part of, a very vulnerable population of people on this forum and need to keep that in mind in all our interactions. I'm glad to hear that you put so much thought into your responses to people. We can never properly evaluate another person here. The best we can do is try to make other people feel seen, heard, and loved as much as we can while respecting their autonomy. Provide advice when asked and understand that when people decide to leave it is never your fault. Most people here have had a lifetime of abuse and many, many events that have contributed to them believing that their only option left is death. Give yourself grace and bring as much good into this world as you can. We cannot "fix" people's lives.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Relatable.

 

[noname223]

Relatable.

I considered to reply to one of your recent threads this evening but was scared to make things even worse. I hope your situation improves.

 

[username8888]

Your attitudes are so cute and pragmatic. I guess when it comes to death and suicide conflicts happen. I feel the same.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Sharing own knowledge and information that can be linked to a source or giving an advice bc of own experience is actually helpful for others who are seeking information. But I can also understand that one might have conflicts sharing.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, I kind of understand. It can be difficult to give someone any kind of reassurance when things look so bleak for them but we obviously can't say- 'yeah, it's best you kill yourself.' I think- when advice isn't really possible- or asked for- just relating to someone's situation can be enough. Some people aren't here to find solutions. They've probably already considered a lot of them. Some just want their struggles to be seen by people who won't try and shut them down with platitudes.

It isn't up to you to solve their problems- although it's nice that you care enough to want to. I guess it depends on the person too. How impressionable they are. Do you think they will just blindly follow your advice? I think many people will simply reject advice they don't find relevant- not in a hostile way. More in a- this person doesn't know me- way. They ought to be grateful you tried to help.

Sometimes, people will make suggestions to me. They are most likely things I have either thought about and rejected myself or have tried and they have failed. I'm 43. Chances are- I'm probably older than them. I know more about me than they do. I' also terribly stubborn- so- I'm not that open to people trying to change me or suggest I try things. I'm still grateful they care though.

Unless you act in an arrogant, saviour complex way and bulldoze over how people are saying they feel- I doubt people will be angry that you tried to help. Worst they'll do is just ignore you or- tell you they weren't looking for advice. I doubt they'll follow your advice unless they want to though. Most people on here seem to be able to think for themselves.

 

[godsseepiestsoldier]

Very relatable but i figured saying something and putting an emphasis on the advice coming from my expreinece and giving some context on my expreinece and how it relates to the advice might help them to choose whether to take it or not. Them seeing my expreience tied to the advice might help them to decide whether they relate to what im saying and take it or realise that its not for them. Also i find that a lot of people on here are extremely kind in general and no one yet has even showed mild irritation at what i have to say which has been a nice change. And ig if my advice isnt helpful to them it might be helpful to someone else who comes across the thread

 

[Abandoned Character]

The best you can do is be honest with your own experience and be humble with how it may apply to the user. I think being scared to cause harm is natural and, honestly, evident of a compassionate and kind person. I think this community fosters a great deal of care in one another, and that shows in our openness to talk about ourselves and our experiences.

When I feel a similar fear as I write a post, I take that feeling and put it into words. I add clarification that my experience is mine alone and may not apply fully to the user and that they should not take my word as gospel. Even if I sound repetitive at times, if that's what it takes to make me feel more comfortable sharing this space with others and offering what I feel I am able to offer, then so be it. Cheers!