Venting I am old enough to make my own decisions

[Mlee75]

I am 47. I have outlived my parents and set-up my life to have as little obligation to others as possible. I did everything I was supposed to in regards to exiting with the clearest conscience possible. Suicide had touched my life in the past and I understand the devastation it can leave in its wake- I did everything I could to lessen this.
I did not show up for a doctor's appointment and the doctor called my friend (emergency contact) who came from two states away to save me from the brink of death. Now, my chronic pain has worsened to the point I cannot work more than a few hours a day and cannot support myself or even treat myself to fast food. Money was not an issue, it was more The Chronic pain but now I am in chronic pain and absolutely penniless. The friend convinced me to check myself into this absolutely horrible, terrifying Ward which I left after 10 days, as it was dangerous and scary. I am not depressed and I don't have a-typical mental issues, I simply don't want to live in chronic pain and potentially homeless due to my inability to work.
At first, I was telling myself she had no choice, which I do believe. I am having problems with resentment towards her for taking my choice away and also the option for a painless exit. I saved, planned and waited until the last possible moment and she came to the rescue. Now, I am just so resentful. I keep reminding myself I would do the same if I were her but it is not helping me relieve this resentment and disgust at my situation.
Any advice out there?

 

[Cathy Ames]

Your resentment of your friend is completely understandable. I think you are helping yourself (<--not good phrasing but I am not functioning well d.t. lack of sleep) by reminding yourself that she did have good intentions and that you possibly would have done the same. Possibly you are "extra" resentful of her due to being angry with yourself over not canceling that appointment?

I don't really have any advice, I'm afraid, but my heart goes out to you. I totally relate to your situation, and I am concerned that something similar could happen to me.

 

[Mlee75]

Your resentment of your friend is completely understandable. I think you are helping yourself (<--not good phrasing but I am not functioning well d.t. lack of sleep) by reminding yourself that she did have good intentions and that you possibly would have done the same. Possibly you are "extra" resentful of her due to being angry with yourself over not canceling that appointment?

I don't really have any advice, I'm afraid, but my heart goes out to you. I totally relate to your situation, and I am concerned that something similar could happen to me.

Don't forget to cancel your appointments LOL
you are totally correct in that, I am just so disgusted that I forgot that little tiny thing that blew everything up.
Thank you for talking to me, it's already dissipating