nottinghams
Official Written Apology for Being a Buzzkill
- Apr 15, 2024
- 272
Hello. My method is very simple.
I have real fentanyl in powder form, tested to be sure. I bought it from the dark web black market. I have no tolerance to opiates and have never taken one. I am going to take some DMSO, which is a chemical that causes faster absorption, through the mouth and then overdose on the powder with some water orally.
This is enough so that orally is a painless method that works. besides, even regular heroin users find that crap way too easy to die on. I'm not nervous.
Well I wasn't until I got sick.
I'll spare details, just I got sick last november with unexplained fevers and now in the last 2 months it has gotten steadily worse. cardiac, pulmonary, maybe kidney things, some neurological (there was a whole weak I could barely walk)
This causes awful awful awful pain, and it also annoyingly exacerbates SI (and causes emotions that hurt, like a neuro [problem) For some reason, a diagnosis with blood work has not yet been reached.
I am to see an immunologist friday there for low-to-almost-nothing levels of immunoglobulin A, G, E, if any of you knows what that means.
But what I mean its actually so bad I can't CTB. So in the meantime (doctors don't want to prescribe without knowing) I bought some weed vapes and nicotine. I havent used in years.
I use both, I use different strains, I use them together. I have to overdose to feel anything and its maybe? some energetic/sleepy calm and then I just fall asleep. one strain of weed occasionally makes it WORSE. the nicotine vape is o-k at the pain relief (like the smoking weed) but not amazing.
I'm annoyed at this so I buy kratom, say that's it. Kratom is an opiate-like (but is not an opiate) plant like drug, supposed to work for pain somewhat like an opioid does (without me worrying about tolerance for my Method lol)
I take 1 pill, which is the maximum dose..nothing. I feel absolutely nothing. no worsening, no relief...
this is terrifying and im suffering a lot all the time, I just want to go to sleep (it was later that night) so I take an as need hydroxozine pill I asked my psychiatrist to prescribe for this months ago (before I discovered and has my Method) this normally almost always works if I just want to make the pain less acute.
it barely worked that night either. Holy shit. I'm beginning to realize some rare diseases, especially kidney and liver issues which I suspect, can screw up your metabolism and make some drugs and chemicals not work.
I think if pain relief doesn't work, I can still try to force myself to CTB (because truthfully, without illness, I am totally unafraid of death) and I haven't tried alcohol in awhile, so...
But now I'm on the verge of tears, terrified for some reason that this means my fentanyl CTB will not work. I do not even know the reason for certain. and I do not want to severely botch it, and I really really do not want to hunt for another painless method.
Please please please tell me my fears are unwarranted. Please tell me I'm being silly, and I can just CTB like I was gonna. I can't do this. Please.
I have real fentanyl in powder form, tested to be sure. I bought it from the dark web black market. I have no tolerance to opiates and have never taken one. I am going to take some DMSO, which is a chemical that causes faster absorption, through the mouth and then overdose on the powder with some water orally.
This is enough so that orally is a painless method that works. besides, even regular heroin users find that crap way too easy to die on. I'm not nervous.
Well I wasn't until I got sick.
I'll spare details, just I got sick last november with unexplained fevers and now in the last 2 months it has gotten steadily worse. cardiac, pulmonary, maybe kidney things, some neurological (there was a whole weak I could barely walk)
This causes awful awful awful pain, and it also annoyingly exacerbates SI (and causes emotions that hurt, like a neuro [problem) For some reason, a diagnosis with blood work has not yet been reached.
I am to see an immunologist friday there for low-to-almost-nothing levels of immunoglobulin A, G, E, if any of you knows what that means.
But what I mean its actually so bad I can't CTB. So in the meantime (doctors don't want to prescribe without knowing) I bought some weed vapes and nicotine. I havent used in years.
I use both, I use different strains, I use them together. I have to overdose to feel anything and its maybe? some energetic/sleepy calm and then I just fall asleep. one strain of weed occasionally makes it WORSE. the nicotine vape is o-k at the pain relief (like the smoking weed) but not amazing.
I'm annoyed at this so I buy kratom, say that's it. Kratom is an opiate-like (but is not an opiate) plant like drug, supposed to work for pain somewhat like an opioid does (without me worrying about tolerance for my Method lol)
I take 1 pill, which is the maximum dose..nothing. I feel absolutely nothing. no worsening, no relief...
this is terrifying and im suffering a lot all the time, I just want to go to sleep (it was later that night) so I take an as need hydroxozine pill I asked my psychiatrist to prescribe for this months ago (before I discovered and has my Method) this normally almost always works if I just want to make the pain less acute.
it barely worked that night either. Holy shit. I'm beginning to realize some rare diseases, especially kidney and liver issues which I suspect, can screw up your metabolism and make some drugs and chemicals not work.
I think if pain relief doesn't work, I can still try to force myself to CTB (because truthfully, without illness, I am totally unafraid of death) and I haven't tried alcohol in awhile, so...
But now I'm on the verge of tears, terrified for some reason that this means my fentanyl CTB will not work. I do not even know the reason for certain. and I do not want to severely botch it, and I really really do not want to hunt for another painless method.
Please please please tell me my fears are unwarranted. Please tell me I'm being silly, and I can just CTB like I was gonna. I can't do this. Please.