I am not the individual inside me

[my_sundown]

Am I alone?

Through life I've been forced into this narrow hall of living someone else's dream for me. I did it, I got that stupid business degree, I got married, and on the outside I live the perfect life. The only difference is I hate myself, I hate my job, I didn't want to marry a woman and further just go through life day by day. I hear about people passing and I'm envious. Make it end.

 

[falling_snow]

No, at least I relate.

In my case, my parents put an image of me being a doctor, getting married, having children... But I didn't like medicine (I prefered being a nurse), and being gay didn't help much. But I studied chemistry (my grades weren't enough for medical school), and came out last year. I, even I think I am getting "better", just feel like a shell, already a corpse. I am dead. There is nobody. I have to fake everything until I get to die physically as well.

 

[my_sundown]

It's refreshing you can relate.

I hate faking everything. I find the hardest times are when I'm driving and my mind wonders and I reflect on things. It puts me in a depressed mood that of course I have to hide because no one wants anything to do with depressed people. I find myself gripping to vices to escape like alcohol every other week or so. Drinking until I can forget about things for just an hour. But that, also not socially acceptable…

Wishing you the best. Just not having a good night

 

[Abyssal]

Me as well. I don't even recognize myself. This isn't who I am yet everyone treats me like this alien body I inhabit. I never will.