I probably finally broke ties with the only close person over the past few years. Literally, I only communicated with him, except for exceptions once a year. There was no reason, I was just tired. If I allow myself to return, I will go through the cycle again, and I will take this person with me again. I don't want him to sink to my level, I hope this situation will push him to a better life, away from freaks like me and their type of existence. I did this several times, but I promised myself that if I did it again, I wouldn't go back even if I really wanted to - it would be better for both, I'm sure.
It's very hard, my body turned into cotton wool, like in those dreams where people attack me, and I can't defend myself. A few hours ago I was sure that I could end everything, but now I'm simply exhausted, I don't want anything, it's sickening to even think about attempting suicide, or trying to move on with my life. For some reason, my experiences turned into a shutdown of the body's pneumatic system - I was simply blown away. Probably the biggest response of the body is the temperature, I feel that it is higher than usual.
On the good side, I can say that apparently I have finally reached the bottom, I feel bad, but nothing new. It feels like there's nowhere to go, we've arrived. How I would like to leave peacefully, nothing more. Sometimes it seems that I could die from my fatigue and suffering, but alas, this is only part of my life. Today I threw things related to my "hobbies" into the trash, it's such a strange feeling, forcing myself to get rid of something I treasured. Not everyone in the world will be happy, I was unlucky to be included in this number
I don't seem to be afraid to die, I know for sure that I won't be happy while I'm alive, I've had a kilogram of SN for a year now, but I still haven't been able to. I do not know why. Like I can't do anything else in my life, absolutely nothing. couldn't do it. I froze like a block between the paths, and this makes me feel the worst. Sometimes I think I'm sick, developmentally retarded or something like that, because it's hard to imagine someone as caricatured of a loser incapable of anything as I am. If I could, I would spend my whole life in bed. however, my life is not much different from this.
It's very hard, my body turned into cotton wool, like in those dreams where people attack me, and I can't defend myself. A few hours ago I was sure that I could end everything, but now I'm simply exhausted, I don't want anything, it's sickening to even think about attempting suicide, or trying to move on with my life. For some reason, my experiences turned into a shutdown of the body's pneumatic system - I was simply blown away. Probably the biggest response of the body is the temperature, I feel that it is higher than usual.
On the good side, I can say that apparently I have finally reached the bottom, I feel bad, but nothing new. It feels like there's nowhere to go, we've arrived. How I would like to leave peacefully, nothing more. Sometimes it seems that I could die from my fatigue and suffering, but alas, this is only part of my life. Today I threw things related to my "hobbies" into the trash, it's such a strange feeling, forcing myself to get rid of something I treasured. Not everyone in the world will be happy, I was unlucky to be included in this number
I don't seem to be afraid to die, I know for sure that I won't be happy while I'm alive, I've had a kilogram of SN for a year now, but I still haven't been able to. I do not know why. Like I can't do anything else in my life, absolutely nothing. couldn't do it. I froze like a block between the paths, and this makes me feel the worst. Sometimes I think I'm sick, developmentally retarded or something like that, because it's hard to imagine someone as caricatured of a loser incapable of anything as I am. If I could, I would spend my whole life in bed. however, my life is not much different from this.
Last edited:
