Venting I am in so much pain

[nevergoodenough91]

Im sorry to the people that ill hurt when I probably die (the ones I care about, and I dont know who that is anymore)

Im sorry to the life that I could have lived, I wish things could have turned out differently

Im sorry to my dog for his life (he has been neglected by my parents as I grew up with him) and how he'll miss me

Im sorry for everything ive done wrong and how poorly ive lived my life and how I am a stain on everyone I meet who is a funtional human being

Who fucking cares I am nothing and ill never be who I shouldve been by birthright

Its over and everything is collapsing around me I have no more second chances and things to save me

People only care about the beautiful falls from grace, never looking in the direction of ugliness and true destitution of aspects of peoples lives

I dont care that my life is over it is a waste anyway

I hope the people that abused me and made me into what I am now suffer as a result of my death

God put me here to kill myself to set an example for what happens if a life like mine is to play out

 

[Darkover]

this whole place is one big waste of time i mean the universe creates conscious beings only for that to go and be wasted by having to survive to live, eat sleep work etc , surly there's something better than this so called life on offer here

 

[nevergoodenough91]

As kids we can see the nonsensical prejudices, thoughts and behaviors of adults. It felt like at least to me that it was coming from an automatic and deep rooted place. Now I am that person with the paranoid judgements and insane behaviors. They feel so rigid and unconscious, and go so deep I dont even know where to begin to heal them

 

[Painfu.Ll.suffering]

What if they dont? My abusers were amongst others doctors and im in a too Bad state to go after them...this hurts on top... They got away with their stupidity and arrogance...and in the end they not even help with the mess.. Life can be horrible for some of us... I hope you at least see a light when and how to leave...

 

[nevergoodenough91]

What if they dont? My abusers were amongst others doctors and im in a too Bad state to go after them...this hurts on top... They got away with their stupidity and arrogance...and in the end they not even help with the mess.. Life can be horrible for some of us... I hope you at least see a light when and how to leave...

Theyll suffer because im not there to abuse, and thier grand work of corrupting me will be a waste. Im sorry you are dealing with that pain I hope you also can see light in your life soon

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really so dreadful how people have to suffer so much in this existence but in my case I could never even believe there is such a thing as a God. Existence is just senseless cruelty and meaningless suffering with no deeper purpose behind it, it's so horrible how humans create so much harm all unnecessarily.