Venting I am in so much pain right now

[itistimetoleave]

I am not feeling well. I am in so much pain right now. I don't want to die but I can't see any other solution. A part of me thinks that things can get better but another part of me can't gather any energy to make things better. My heart is beating so fast, my head is heading. I want out.

 

[GreyMonkey]

I hear you.

Me too.

 

[Are you lost too?]

I am not feeling well. I am in so much pain right now. I don't want to die but I can't see any other solution. A part of me thinks that things can get better but another part of me can't gather any energy to make things better. My heart is beating so fast, my head is heading. I want out.

Oh dear.
if you want to expand on that, like what you want to be better, maybe we could help you?
Also if you would prefer feel free to pm me

 

[itistimetoleave]

I just ordered SN

 

[Stan]

Is it physical or mental pain? or both? We are here for you if you want to vent

 

[itistimetoleave]

Is it physical or mental pain? or both? We are here for you if you want to vent

It's both. I was having a panic attack but ordered my SN, I am slowly calming down. I still don't know if I want to do - I have people that love me and I would ruin their lives but I feel a living corpse. Can't they just let me go?

Oh dear.
if you want to expand on that, like what you want to be better, maybe we could help you?
Also if you would prefer feel free to pm me

I don't know if anything can get better. It can if I work towards it but how do I get the energy when I can't get out of the bed?

 

[Stan]

I do say this a lot so forgive me if this is a repeat. I tend to get a piece of paper and a pen and list the pros and cons with things. It helps me put my thoughts in order. It's also a bit therapeutic for me because the feelings or facts seem to become more alive once I have written them down.

 

[itistimetoleave]

I do say this a lot so forgive me if this is a repeat. I tend to get a piece of paper and a pen and list the pros and cons with things. It helps me put my thoughts in order. It's also a bit therapeutic for me because the feelings or facts seem to become more alive once I have written them down.

I do want to live but my quality of life is so bad right now. I don't want to continue living with depression.

 

[Stan]

I do want to live but my quality of life is so bad right now. I don't want to continue living with depression.

I assume you have exhausted all your treatment options?

 

[blue]

I just ordered SN

I also just ordered it.

I have been in pain my entire life
some years are better than others
some days are better
some hours are better
but the pain is always in the background
it is embedded deep within my being

the fight is exhausting
trying to assimilate, be normal, fit in
is exhausting

keeping the pain at bay
keeping myself occupied at all times
because being alone feeds into it and allows it to blossom

it's no way to live.

 

[itistimetoleave]

I assume you have exhausted all your treatment options?

No I haven't :( I am in therapy and I don't think it will help. I have bpd and it's a lot of work to live a normal life for me. I don't think I can put in that work and how long is my family/boyfriend going to keep breathing for me?

 

[Stan]

No I haven't :( I am in therapy and I don't think it will help.

I think you deserve a shot at making it work. Be vocal with the therapist if it isn't making a difference and ask for something else. At least once you exhausted everything you are in a better place to make a decision.

 

[Fragile]

i feel you, i really do.

all i whish is to live a normal life that i can bear with, but that was never an option.

the only thing that soothes me while having a panic attack is knowing that no matter what, i'm going to die at some point and all that suffering will go away one way or the other, the years may feel long, but peace is innevitable.

try reading some stoic philosophy, that's the only thing keeping me sane right now.

 

[BrokenAngel8]

the only thing that soothes me while having a panic attack is knowing that no matter what, i'm going to die at some point and all that suffering will go away one way or the other, the years may feel long, but peace is innevitable.

This is also my mentality and it put my mind to rest, at least for a while. I tried all I could, (or to put in @Stan words, exhaust all options) with mentality that if none of these works, I could just pass away. And if I will take the bus eventually, whether I do it today or next week, or next month, it doesn't really matter (at least on my condition). I hope this could help you as well. At least to make your headspace clear enough when you plan your exit, if that is your final choice. In the meantime, lingers around and do anything to ease your your pain, even for temporary. I usually would listen to some classical pieces and then watch some yt. Wish you well, hugs xx

 

[Are you lost too?]

It's both. I was having a panic attack but ordered my SN, I am slowly calming down. I still don't know if I want to do - I have people that love me and I would ruin their lives but I feel a living corpse. Can't they just let me go?

I don't know if anything can get better. It can if I work towards it but how do I get the energy when I can't get out of the bed?

Are you on medication?

 

[MisanthropicLycan]

I am in the same miserable boat as you my friend. I am so sorry you are feeling this way as it is truly nightmarish and horrible to be severely depressed and suicidal. I desperately want a way out of this bleak suffering just like you do but I feel too emotionally and mentally drained and defeated to fight the pain and get onto the road to recovery. I feel like I am sinking so far underneath the water and I am drowning in sorrow and all my limbs are too weak and numb to swim to the surface.

My only advice to you at this point of time is try not to get overwhelmed by thinking about the future and what you need to do to change your situation. It is too exhausting to deal with those things right now and too heavy a cross for us to bear in our current fragile mental state. Try not to think about how lost you are in pain right now and just focus on surviving the day right in front of you. Maybe if we can do this for long enough some strength will slowly return to us and we wont feel as hopeless as we do now. Forget questions like Will I ever get better? How do I stop this pain? Just let yourself go into autopilot for a little while and surrender to fate to give your brain some rest.

I am sorry I don't have better advice for you. This is one of the only things that has been helping me maintain some of my sanity lately. I wish the best for you.

 

[mediocre]

I am not feeling well. I am in so much pain right now. I don't want to die but I can't see any other solution. A part of me thinks that things can get better but another part of me can't gather any energy to make things better. My heart is beating so fast, my head is heading. I want out.

I feel exactly the same way. I have SN and really want it all to end but I am too physically ill and paranoid to take it. Until I usually end up falling asleep. Then I repeat this process everyday.

 

[Are you lost too?]

I am in the same miserable boat as you my friend. I am so sorry you are feeling this way as it is truly nightmarish and horrible to be severely depressed and suicidal. I desperately want a way out of this bleak suffering just like you do but I feel too emotionally and mentally drained and defeated to fight the pain and get onto the road to recovery. I feel like I am sinking so far underneath the water and I am drowning in sorrow and all my limbs are too weak and numb to swim to the surface.

My only advice to you at this point of time is try not to get overwhelmed by thinking about the future and what you need to do to change your situation. It is too exhausting to deal with those things right now and too heavy a cross for us to bear in our current fragile mental state. Try not to think about how lost you are in pain right now and just focus on surviving the day right in front of you. Maybe if we can do this for long enough some strength will slowly return to us and we wont feel as hopeless as we do now. Forget questions like Will I ever get better? How do I stop this pain? Just let yourself go into autopilot for a little while and surrender to fate to give your brain some rest.

I am sorry I don't have better advice for you. This is one of the only things that has been helping me maintain some of my sanity lately. I wish the best for you.

I've been trying to do this ... but man life is so pointless

 

[MisanthropicLycan]

I've been trying to do this ... but man life is so pointless

I feel the same way man. I struggle so much with heavy feelings of crushing nihilism and bleak futility. I am totally miserable and I hate life so much. I guess I just can't let go of that small shred of hope that somehow I can find meaning, happiness and purpose in my wretched life. Something to give this soul-destroying tragedy some type of sense. It feels like a total pipe-dream and farfetched fantasy but I'm not ready for the grim finality of death and eternal nothingness quite yet. I can't seem to accept my doom. It is too scary to swallow. So I will keep struggling and suffering fruitlessly for now.....Praying to a God that doesn't exist.

 

[Are you lost too?]

I feel the same way man. I struggle so much with heavy feelings of crushing nihilism and bleak futility. I am totally miserable and I hate life so much. I guess I just can't let go of that small shred of hope that somehow I can find meaning, happiness and purpose in my wretched life. Something to give this soul-destroying tragedy some type of sense. It feels like a total pipe-dream and farfetched fantasy but I'm not ready for the grim finality of death and eternal nothingness quite yet. I can't seem to accept my doom. It is too scary to swallow. So I will keep struggling and suffering fruitlessly for now.....Praying to a God that doesn't exist.

I thought about this but not frequently, you know? And then this year I've had some big stuff going on and I guess that having to deal with that reopened my eyes to nihilism

 

[Rising Phoenix]

I am not feeling well. I am in so much pain right now. I don't want to die but I can't see any other solution. A part of me thinks that things can get better but another part of me can't gather any energy to make things better. My heart is beating so fast, my head is heading. I want out.

Sorry your in such a terrible situation. Hope you find peace.

 

[CaptainT]

I'm feeling your pain too, sorry to read of your situation.

One interesting thing I found about "preparing your stash" of SN or whatever is that it's like telling your brain that there IS a way out, which for many people on here is therapy in itself. I'm sure there are a lot of people who then don't actually CTB because of the relief of knowing that they could if they wanted to.

So nothing wrong with thinking of an exit method, planning it etc. Just keep it as a bus ticket in your hand, but no need to use it until you're 100% ready.

Sending warm thoughts your way.

 

[itistimetoleave]

I don't want to attempt right now but I want to get rid of this anxiety. I have 25 Prozac right now (20 mg) - if I take them - will my anxiety get better?

 

[itistimetoleave]

I will have to say you are one of the lucky ones. Because at least you can afford medications or at least something to numb the pain. However, you may can change your medications if the ones they gave you are not working if you are able to do that. In addition, you can always try marijuana for anxiety. I know it helped a few people I know. But everyone is different so don't believe what they say about one pill works on everyone. You yourself must know if it works or not.

I know I won't die but I am thinking of taking all 25 right now - maybe that will help the pain

 

[Are you lost too?]

I'm pretty sure it will make you sick, and it's not gonna help with the pain.

hope you feel better. Sending you warm thoughts.

 

[Yoko26]

I am not feeling well. I am in so much pain right now. I don't want to die but I can't see any other solution. A part of me thinks that things can get better but another part of me can't gather any energy to make things better. My heart is beating so fast, my head is heading. I want out.

I feel you so much! I'm exactly at the same point ! My heart hurts and they are obligating me to see a cardiologist and I've decided once I'm there I'll be honest with the doctor about I don't wanna be treated. My husband aged only 32 just passed away in an accident and this is hell on earth I feel the same I don't see other solution than dying...

 

[Taki]

I understand and am sorry for you. It is terrible to be in constant agony. Increasingly I find it hard to leave my place. I've dropped most of my friends because talking unsettles me. I hope things get better for you.