N33dT0D13
Xe/It
- Apr 2, 2023
- 196
I know, I KNOW others want me dead, not because I'm so significant that they have some deep burning hatred for me, I know I'm nothing and nobody but I know people like me are scorned in general and that I specifically generate enough bad will for others to want me dead, they just want me to stay alive to suffer. And hey, I DO deserve to suffer so, maybe I SHOULD stay alive and properly feel myself fading away day by day, maybe that's how I'm meant to die. Not by my own hand in a flash of rage or despair, but silently and weakly, befitting such a sniveling little coward.
I know people want me to suffer but they make me suffer more by not just saying so, I just want the fucking confirmation, that I AM contemptible and deserve to suffer / die, that the world would be a significantly better place without me... I know others believe this too and it pisses me off that none of them own up to it, but I get it now, that's the point, I have to feel it, come to that decision myself... It gets easier every day :D
I'm tired of people trying to be nice to me, it's only because they don't know me yet, if they did, WHOOSH that compassion would vanish and rightfully so! Just read my posts, see how obnoxious I am, there isn't a better person beneath this... Okay the worst one got deleted lol proof of my horribleness is gone but I swear you'd hate me too if you knew me, guaranteed :D
I do not deserve kindness, I deserve to hurt, I deserve hatred, I deserve death, a painful one... And I deserve the emotional suffering from not being granted a violent death, but a pathetic lonely death, for a pathetic person.
I know people want me to suffer but they make me suffer more by not just saying so, I just want the fucking confirmation, that I AM contemptible and deserve to suffer / die, that the world would be a significantly better place without me... I know others believe this too and it pisses me off that none of them own up to it, but I get it now, that's the point, I have to feel it, come to that decision myself... It gets easier every day :D
I'm tired of people trying to be nice to me, it's only because they don't know me yet, if they did, WHOOSH that compassion would vanish and rightfully so! Just read my posts, see how obnoxious I am, there isn't a better person beneath this... Okay the worst one got deleted lol proof of my horribleness is gone but I swear you'd hate me too if you knew me, guaranteed :D
I do not deserve kindness, I deserve to hurt, I deserve hatred, I deserve death, a painful one... And I deserve the emotional suffering from not being granted a violent death, but a pathetic lonely death, for a pathetic person.
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