Dec 8, 2020
Hello everyone

I left the site and decided to give life another chance. After a long time I found the strength to work part-time again and to live a reasonably regular life.

I was foolish to think it could worke out this time! The energy never lasts long and most of the time I am unhappy and very depressed. I am afraid from every little thing.

The worst decision in my life, however, was to take psychiatric drugs.
I have already started several attempts to taper the mirtazapine. I got terrible conditions and couldn't get out of bed for weeks until I took the mirtazapin again.

I also take other sleeping pills which are difficult for me to reach because of the corona crisis. As a result of these medications, I got nausea in the middle of 2017 that won't go away. I had everything physically checked up because at the time I couldn't believe that it could come from the medication.

I got married at the time and just wanted to function and not stand there as an elderly woman. I was not aware of the Consequences.

My marriage is not going well and I keep getting lost in my symptoms and addiction more and more.

Unfortunately, my husband does not have the ability to feel empathy. He doesn't know that I'm dependent on tablets (since 2016), !!!

Two weeks ago I had to remove a wisdom tooth while sedating with propofol (what a great remedy). Since then I have had the worst pain in my life. I have an allergy to iodine due to surviving thyroid cancer. I was rinsed the wound with iodine and something with iodine was placed in my tooth. The nausea grew immeasurably until someone guessed that iodine was a stupid idea given with my medical background.

The dentist has determined that the wound is not healing properly. I already suspected it because bruises take a long time to go away.

Any intervention in the future would cause additional suffering for me. I'm already scared of everything and the constant nausea robs me of all strength. I have a lot of other symtoms, also a bad tinnitus since four months.

I have bad nightmares every night and I just suffer so much.

I've tried end my life twice.

This time I want to get it right and have N.

But Still, I am very afraid that it might not work and that I will end up in a psychiatric hospital.

My plan now is to book a hotel room for two nights in the next few days, consume the N pretty soon after my check-in, swallow Meto an hour before taking N and then hopefully go to the other side.

I have many intolerances, severe nausea and a benzo tolerance of around 25 mg Di The wound in my mouth also worries me a lot.
It is because of these factors that I am so insecure ...

I'll keep you posted as best I can when I take the N and say goodbye.

thanks for reading this❤️

Kind regards
Moonie (Moony21)


Dec 22, 2019
I truly hope you find peace, whatever you choose to do.
I'm just sorry I can't help you.
  • Love
Reactions: moonie