I'm all alone right now.
I will go home and be all alone.
I won't have anyone to talk to about this experience, or how I feel.
Ill is expected to be "ok" not yelling or freaking out or even crying too much bc that would put me and others at risk.
I feel so full yet so empty. I've been here in this space so many times.
A thousand things weighing my heart down but I have no release.
I am all alone. It's sad but I've finally come to peace with it.
Sitting here in a room while white cops sit and laugh about whatever is awful. I am used to this kind of humiliation though. That's the kinda thing my mom always went for.
I am empty. I am nothing. I am worthless. I am all alone. As I should be.
I haven't felt this worthless in awhile. Like 2019... I just... It just teminds me that of no gault of my own the only people that I have to "care" for me are people who are paid to do so. People who I will always remind them of their daughters but im just another client.
I am so tired and empty and I know this one staff means well but I just..m it just hurts. No care will ever be enough. Nothing will ever substitute or come close to the fact that my parents actively dislike me. How different my life would be if they didn't dislike me so much.
I wish I had someone to hug in real life. I don't feel like I'm worthy of it anymore though so it's ok.
I just need to keep it together so I can exit peacefully.
I've realized too that I can feel everything.
I can want human love and connection even if Im not taking the steps towards that. Even iiiit isn't what I'm working towards. I can hate my parents and still be upset over the lack of love and the effects.
crying tbh. Just wanna smoke and forget it but this day has been heavy. Im not sure theres much recovery from this. (Sometimes tryna deal with things makes it worse)
I haven't felt this worthless in awhile. Like 2019... I just... It just teminds me that of no gault of my own the only people that I have to "care" for me are people who are paid to do so. People who I will always remind them of their daughters but im just another client.
I am so tired and empty and I know this one staff means well but I just..m it just hurts. No care will ever be enough. Nothing will ever substitute or come close to the fact that my parents actively dislike me. How different my life would be if they didn't dislike me so much.
I wish I had someone to hug in real life. I don't feel like I'm worthy of it anymore though so it's ok.
I just need to keep it together so I can exit peacefully.
I've realized too that I can feel everything.
I can want human love and connection even if Im not taking the steps towards that. Even iiiit isn't what I'm working towards. I can hate my parents and still be upset over the lack of love and the effects.
crying tbh. Just wanna smoke and forget it but this day has been heavy. II'mnot sure there's'smuch recovery from this. (Sometimes tryna deal with things makes it worse)
Wow... I dunno what any mental health professional would call this but...
I just looked in the mirror and felt like an oversized sausage for the first time in... Awhile...
I feel disgusting and right at the peak of it all...
I guess I can assume this is just my reaction to things but ugh. I have not felt this fucking ugly in forever. I dunno what any of this means. I'm just gonna smoke and then decide bc I'm hoping my body calms down enough for me to maybe see myself watching some anime...
The day has to end eventually, and Im not dying now so
