I am a social failure

[JaegerBombastic]

I have no long-term friends. I've never been in a relationship. I don't have the confidence to approach anyone. And for some reason everyone looks at me like I'm not supposed to be there. I feel like everywhere I go, everyone hates me. They all look at me with this horrible contempt in their eyes. I'm a piece of shit and I think everyone around me can sense that. I just wish somebody would love me. Sorry for the random rant, but I just can't take it anymore and I don't have anyone to vent to.

 

[Wolf Girl]

I'm really sorry you're going through this. People seem to have gotten colder and meaner over the past decade, at least in the US. We're here for you on SaSu, though.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Loneliness bites.

 

[death_bed221]

People who say that friends and love from another person doesn't fix u is lying. I had a huge friend group and a gf in high school and it felt amazing. U just feel this peace that is hard to explain. Since all of that went away , the more time passes there is something in u that gets slowly broken. ITs like ur soul dies. Its like people can feel that so they turn hostile against u for no reason

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Basically the same here. I've stopped trying or caring.

 

[patheticparasite]

Our lizard brains haven't evolved to deal with loneliness yet. Not so long ago, being excluded from our peer group meant certain death. This is not the case in modern society anymore, but we still unnecessarily suffer from it.

 

[AnimeSlayersFan]

I have no long-term friends. I've never been in a relationship. I don't have the confidence to approach anyone. And for some reason everyone looks at me like I'm not supposed to be there. I feel like everywhere I go, everyone hates me. They all look at me with this horrible contempt in their eyes. I'm a piece of shit and I think everyone around me can sense that. I just wish somebody would love me. Sorry for the random rant, but I just can't take it anymore and I don't have anyone to vent to.

Why do you think you are a piece of shit?

 

[chemicalburns]

And for some reason everyone looks at me like I'm not supposed to be there. I feel like everywhere I go, everyone hates me.

I can relate to this... Sometimes I feel like people are always judging me for being a failure. I feel like I'm only alive for the sole purpose of being a slave for people who had a better structured family or a healthy childhood, and therefore aren't as broken and awkward as I am.
It feels like the "higher-ups" don't even see young men as people anymore, just numbers or tools to achieve their goals.

 

[lil dwayne]

Our lizard brains haven't evolved to deal with loneliness yet. Not so long ago, being excluded from our peer group meant certain death. This is not the case in modern society anymore, but we still unnecessarily suffer from it.

Hitting the nail on the head, fucking nailed it.

 

[Wolf Girl]

Have you tried approaching people who are more "in your league"? One of the important things I've learned since turning 30 is that I need to aim for friends and a bf or gf who are on my level in social ability, economic status, conventional measures of attractiveness, etc. I have autism and I used to believe I could befriend or date the really fun, socially skilled, quirky autistic queers around me. Wrong. I was told by one girl I really liked that our "brains are not compatible" and that made me want to die.

I remember there was another guy I was even more head over heels for who claimed he "loves autistic people," but he hated all my autistic traits, he just liked the people who had autism as an identity or personality type. My stomach is in knots remembering how ashamed I felt for always annoying him without fail. Also, this was before I realized how important looks are to the pretty people and so I didn't know he was way tf out of my league. I did realize it once when he showed a picture of a girl he went on a date with and she looked like a hyper-filtered ig model came to life. I was just like "Oh. OH. Why would he want me?"

Another really embarrassing thing is the fact that I've had really good platonic male friends who are married and their wives trust them with me...because they and their wives are on the upper end of attractiveness and desirability. I didn't realize that was why, I just thought they were really secure in their relationship and trusted me too. When I realized it was because I'm not very attractive and the thought of these cool guys fucking me was like laughable, I wanted to puke.

It's so painful being socially weird and less conventionally attractive. I still have never had a truly long term relationship or a friend group and it's what I want more than anything. However, I do now have two amazing autistic friends who are "on my level" and understand me and accept me. I'm sorta seeing a guy who is much more like me than the guys I've tried desperately to connect with before. I hope I don't scare him off.

 

[Saponification]

Have you tried approaching people who are more "in your league"? One of the important things I've learned since turning 30 is that I need to aim for friends and a bf or gf who are on my level in social ability, economic status, conventional measures of attractiveness, etc. I have autism and I used to believe I could befriend or date the really fun, socially skilled, quirky autistic queers around me. Wrong. I was told by one girl I really liked that our "brains are not compatible" and that made me want to die.

I remember there was another guy I was even more head over heels for who claimed he "loves autistic people," but he hated all my autistic traits, he just liked the people who had autism as an identity or personality type. My stomach is in knots remembering how ashamed I felt for always annoying him without fail. Also, this was before I realized how important looks are to the pretty people and so I didn't know he was way tf out of my league. I did realize it once when he showed a picture of a girl he went on a date with and she looked like a hyper-filtered ig model came to life. I was just like "Oh. OH. Why would he want me?"

Another really embarrassing thing is the fact that I've had really good platonic male friends who are married and their wives trust them with me...because they and their wives are on the upper end of attractiveness and desirability. I didn't realize that was why, I just thought they were really secure in their relationship and trusted me too. When I realized it was because I'm not very attractive and the thought of these cool guys fucking me was like laughable, I wanted to puke.

It's so painful being socially weird and less conventionally attractive. I still have never had a truly long term relationship or a friend group and it's what I want more than anything. However, I do now have two amazing autistic friends who are "on my level" and understand me and accept me. I'm sorta seeing a guy who is much more like me than the guys I've tried desperately to connect with before. I hope I don't scare him off.

Yeah, I feel like I see this happening too. Personally, seeing these kinds of social dynamics where people have some sort of social hierarchy and want to separate themselves from a low-status person fills me with a sort of hatred for people and society in general. I know they most likely do it unconsciously, and that it is just a behavior that is programmed into us, but still it makes me want to puke when I personally observe it happening to me or in general.

The thing is, I have a deep need for socializing and whatnot because, like everyone else, I'm a social animal. But then I also have this misanthropy where I just fucking hate people in general and it makes me back off from trying to socialize for a while. Not that I'd have any success if I didn't feel this way since I've zero social skills.

 

[naookoo128]

I feel like everywhere I go, everyone hates me.

When I felt like that, I made fun of myself and tried to think, why the fuck would these randoms even care about me. And if they hate me, they probably just hate everyone. And the contempt in their eyes is actually directed at themselves, but projected onto me. But tbh, when I´m walking around in the streets I can get so fucking cynical, and people can definitly see that when I´m not actively trying to hide it. I hope they dont take it personally, lol. (I notice how normal that actually is - living in germany btw, we are pro´s at that - when somebody is giving me a rare smile on the streets. Feels amazing!) Even some people that are my best friends today used to think that I didn´t liked them at all. And imagine what happens when two people of that kind come together, its veeery difficult to get around that.
I hope you will find real connection!

 

[Wolf Girl]

Yeah, I feel like I see this happening too. Personally, seeing these kinds of social dynamics where people have some sort of social hierarchy and want to separate themselves from a low-status person fills me with a sort of hatred for people and society in general. I know they most likely do it unconsciously, and that it is just a behavior that is programmed into us, but still it makes me want to puke when I personally observe it happening to me or in general.

The thing is, I have a deep need for socializing and whatnot because, like everyone else, I'm a social animal. But then I also have this misanthropy where I just fucking hate people in general and it makes me back off from trying to socialize for a while. Not that I'd have any success if I didn't feel this way since I've zero social skills.

Agreed. It makes me hate people and the universe, too. I feel ashamed for how jealous I get of more attractive women because I just was not born that way and ultimately it's unfair. Pretty privilege exists.

ETA: I don't want to sound like this hierarchy stuff is universally true of people cuz it's not, so I'll add that I was with 2 different guys who were way tf out of my league but just liked my uniqueness and chose me. Life got in the way of those relationships so they were about 6 mo each.