I am a beta male

[WhatPowerIs]

I admire masculinity and I wish I could become the ideal. I think it's possible to become conventionally masculine and not be "toxic" or an asshole or anything like that. I do wish I could do away with it all though. I hope in the afterlife I'm just a floating disembodied spirit. Our souls are trapped within our limited bodies, and other people expect our bodies to do this and that... am I missing the point? I can very much sympathize with the OP.

I am definitely a beta male in the sense that I've always had trouble standing up for myself and setting clear boundaries. I wish this were not the case but unfortunately it is.

Months old post but, being able to say 'no' is one of the strongest things you can do. It's hard for me to say it too, I've always been a people-pleaser, but you and I don't owe anybody anything.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I admire masculinity and I wish I could become the ideal. I think it's possible to become conventionally masculine and not be "toxic" or an asshole or anything like that. I do wish I could do away with it all though. I hope in the afterlife I'm just a floating disembodied spirit. Our souls are trapped within our limited bodies, and other people expect our bodies to do this and that... am I missing the point? I can very much sympathize with the OP.

Months old post but, being able to say 'no' is one of the strongest things you can do. It's hard for me to say it too, I've always been a people-pleaser, but you and I don't owe anybody anything.

I wish I had learned to say no when I was very young… I remember thinking how clever I was burying all my emotions and anger and fooling people … It was a strategy I came up with at a very young age with no idea the damage I was causing myself… I wish I had parents who taught me to express anger properly… I remember Witnessing my father go into a rage and thinking how stupid he seemed… I've never expressed anger in my entire life

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I wish I had learned to say no when I was very young… I remember thinking how clever I was burying all my emotions and anger and fooling people … It was a strategy I came up with at a very young age with no idea the damage I was causing myself… I wish I had parents who taught me to express anger properly… I remember Witnessing my father go into a rage and thinking how stupid he seemed… I've never expressed anger in my entire life

Anger and rage are emotions that seem to run in my family, although I've never yelled at anybody, I do remember being far more confrontational when I was younger - no longer, when I grew up, it became harder and harder to express myself the way I wanted to, and so I avoided confrontation and doing anything at all. I said no to future experiences and opportunities that popped up for me, so in a way, I also hate saying no - but saying no is a tool that can be very useful. I guess it's like fire - you have to make it work for you.
I do wish I could go back and time and fix embarrassing moments for myself. So many times where I humiliated myself and so many times I could have avoided the pain of coming home and crying. Do you feel the same? I buried my emotions too, I think. But we're poisoning ourselves doing this.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Anger and rage are emotions that seem to run in my family, although I've never yelled at anybody, I do remember being far more confrontational when I was younger - no longer, when I grew up, it became harder and harder to express myself the way I wanted to, and so I avoided confrontation and doing anything at all. I said no to future experiences and opportunities that popped up for me, so in a way, I also hate saying no - but saying no is a tool that can be very useful. I guess it's like fire - you have to make it work for you.
I do wish I could go back and time and fix embarrassing moments for myself. So many times where I humiliated myself and so many times I could have avoided the pain of coming home and crying. Do you feel the same? I buried my emotions too, I think. But we're poisoning ourselves doing this.

At this point everything is so fucked up there's no way of fixing anything or "growing "… All those years of therapy turned out to be useless

 

[Winterreise]

Now these children of the 80s that use these ugly words, are now politicians. Hence the surge in anti lgbt retoric
Toxic people are what we use to call "type A" .

They are binary thinkers. Either extremely friendly or extremely hostile.
Never compromising.

Their choice of word reflect their minds et.

They Has to win every argument.
Everything is winning.

Until they die of stress.

 

[Tintypographer]

Now these children of the 80s that use these ugly words, are now politicians. Hence the surge in anti lgbt retoric

I never even thought of that. I actually believed that the "bully mentality" was slowly becoming irrelevant. But one thing I've learned in sociology is that a person's greatest fear is becoming irrelevant. That becomes more important than any other need and it drives extreme behavior.

I think that the bullies were very much in danger of becoming irrelevant. LGBT could walk around unchallenged. Nerds were becoming billionaires. Activities outside of the main TV revenue sports were becoming popular and you could render the macho tough person view irrelevant. And with that loss of relevance, they began to fight hard. They found a sort of philosophy in the message of tough alpha person.

But I didn't put the demographic of the era into my thoughts. It's true, they lost their glory days. Bigger population and more tolerance rendered their world of "tough guy first" irrelevant. You didn't have to work for them, you didn't have to appreciate their views, you didn't have to give them any credibility or special privileges and that made them scared.

I guess the 80s tough guy now wants their status back.

They can have it.

 

[Regen]

Maybe you are a "better male"

 

[Tintypographer]

I'm a loser and I have accepted that fact. No pride. Simple acceptance that I don't want to care.

 

[Life is unfair]

I read today in some postings the thought that suicide is cowardly and only beta males would take their own life because they are not man enough to face their fears.

When I read this type of thing my brain goes to the far reaches of the spaces where I begin to connect dots into wild conspiracy theories.

For a long time I've believed that bullies were becoming marginalized. That the quiet introverts were not defeating but simply marginalizing their thoughts and abilities. They had lost their capability of being relevant because it was simply no longer acceptable to behave in certain ways. As a child of the 80s, "gay", "homo", "fag" we're the worst labels one could have and in schools bullies ruled. You were tough and the tough mean guys were successful. Move forward 20 years and wealth and power came to the technocracy and media empires and suddenly it was no longer acceptable to be a bully, to use homophobic or racial slurs or to treat others cruelly.

Then I noticed a change in the world. It was as though that marginalized group found a cause and a savior. America needs to be brought back from weakness. We needed to have bullies and project power.

As I see it cascade across parts of life and assault any form of compassion I realize that I am what they now call a beta male.

I dislike violence, I participate in no social.media, I dislike sports and confrontation. I don't care about patriotism. I dislike heroes. Fidelity and cheating aside, I believe people shouldn't care about who has sex with whom and immigrants should be free to come in and work. In fact if some kid comes across the border and gets an engineering job I applied for I assume his coding and math skills must be better than mine so I had better work harder.

But I also realize that one piece of marginalizing power I have over the alphas is that I can take my own life. I think the biggest concern for bullies and alpha's is that if all the non alphas decided to kill themselves in a fit of non-conflict, they would have nothing but their own bleak existence to boast aloud without any subjects to fawn over their masculinity.

If you want the personal growth, go to toastmasters. It's guaranteed to skyrocket your confidence and social skills. Then you can improve your life as you desire

 

[The Abyss]

There's more than alpha, beta & sigma.