I am 20 years old and I have no desire to live.

[paranous]

My days are wasted. I'm not doing anything. I know the things I need to do but I don't want to do anything. The only reason I didn't kill myself was because I didn't think I knew enough about life and gods. I want to study philosophy at university, but I am not studying for the university exam. If my days continue like this, suicide feels like the only option. I haven't even taken a shower in a few weeks. I gained 30 kilos in 4 5 months. Some of my teeth have started to rot and I need to go to the doctor, but I don't want to go to him either. It makes me feel bad not being able to do anything during the best years of my life.

 

[warm dreams]

I understand you perfectly. I'm also 20 years old. I have severe depression. I haven't worked anywhere for two months now. All I do is smoke cigarettes and sleep 12 hours. I had plans in life, ambitions. But now I absolutely don't give a fuck about it all. The abyss inside my body is devouring me. It brings me severe discomfort that makes me want to kill myself. I have been taking antidepressants these two months, but they are not helping me. You're not alone, buddy. I hope we find peace.

 

[paranous]

I understand you perfectly. I'm also 20 years old. I have severe depression. I haven't worked anywhere for two months now. All I do is smoke cigarettes and sleep 12 hours. I had plans in life, ambitions. But now I absolutely don't give a fuck about it all. The abyss inside my body is devouring me. It brings me severe discomfort that makes me want to kill myself. I have been taking antidepressants these two months, but they are not helping me. You're not alone, buddy. I hope we find peace.

I think I need to do something. I saw around me that people older than me were in the same situation as me and they were ruining their lives. I know that if I do nothing, my situation will be like those people, but I don't feel like doing anything.

 

[SpiritualDeath]

I'm 20 as well.

It doesn't feel like "the best years of my life". More like a shitty continuation of teenage years (yep, teenage years would inevitably suck for people like me I guess).

I'm in uni. I was very ambitious when I first got into uni but now I just feel like it means less and less to me, to a point that I'm just doing it to avoid having to find a job instead. I do uni work of course cuz I still don't want to fail out of it too soon. Other than that I'm doing nothing else. I don't have relationships or friends and am not interested in having any (uhh I hate having to socialize). I'm not interested in most of the things people do to distract themselves these days. The future is nothing to me. I will have to work and just keep working until I die, and that's it. If I were to just not wake up tomorrow I would be perfectly fine with it.

 

[paranous]

I'm 20 as well.

It doesn't feel like "the best years of my life". More like a shitty continuation of teenage years (yep, teenage years would inevitably suck for people like me I guess).

I'm in uni. I was very ambitious when I first got into uni but now I just feel like it means less and less to me, to a point that I'm just doing it to avoid having to find a job instead. I do uni work of course cuz I still don't want to fail out of it too soon. Other than that I'm doing nothing else. I don't have relationships or friends and am not interested in having any (uhh I hate having to socialize). I'm not interested in most of the things people do to distract themselves these days. The future is nothing to me. I will have to work and just keep working until I die, and that's it. If I were to just not wake up tomorrow I would be perfectly fine with it.

I already want to die, but dying without doing any research about life scares me. What if Zeus gets angry at me when I kill myself? I know Zeus isn't real, but what if he exists? My only goal is to study philosophy and put such questions out of my mind and die in peace. But I don't even make an effort for it.

 

[SpiritualDeath]

I already want to die, but dying without doing any research about life scares me. What if Zeus gets angry at me when I kill myself? I know Zeus isn't real, but what if he exists? My only goal is to study philosophy and put such questions out of my mind and die in peace. But I don't even make an effort for it.

I'm no philosopher but personally I don't find the concept of God appealing. If a God really exists all I want to say to them is "fk you", and the more they get angry if I kms the more I want to kms lol. I'm not particularly afraid of burning in hell or whatever. I'm not a sheep.

Anyway if you're interested I'd suggest reading more into it. There's no need to be hard on yourself if you find it difficult tho. Uni sucks anyways. There are standards and tests for you to pass in order to progress in uni and it's for those professors to decide what standards there are, what tests to give you and whether you pass or not. Kind of like a job where you work for a boss who decides if you stay or not but for fk's sake you're paying for uni. It's not for everyone.

 

[thewalkingdread]

I already want to die, but dying without doing any research about life scares me. What if Zeus gets angry at me when I kill myself? I know Zeus isn't real, but what if he exists? My only goal is to study philosophy and put such questions out of my mind and die in peace. But I don't even make an effort for it.

"God" is just like "Santa". But not nice... And for "adults".

God is like Santa, X-rated version.

 

[UnwillingSavior]

Strange to read all the 20 year olds who feel and think the same way I do, because I am also 20. I too came into college ambitious and excited to struggle and become something better. But now, I've been whittled into a dull, monotone carving resembling a past of what I once was. I think I'm honestly only here because I want to turn 21 and drink myself to near blackout whilst I get ready to use my exit bag.

On the other hand, reading your guys'/gals' posts makes me want to hug you all and form a team where we all suffer together. But that would probably fail too and we'd end up all just getting on the same bus.

 

[stxrdustprincex]

i'm 19 and i haven't felt a purpose to exist for years. everyone keeps telling me it's going to get better, but i don't see how. i have no job, i'm doing mediocre in my classes, nobody really cares that much, and i have no motivation to do anything about any of that. i got to college hopeful that it would change everything, but it didn't. there's no point. all i'm doing is wasting my parents money on a future that i don't have and i don't want. the thought of graduating college and having to find a 9-5 job to work for the next 40 years horrifies me. there's no way i'm not catching the bus sometime in the next 2 years. i never thought i'd make it this far and i'm upset i have.

 

[SleepySept]

Im in a discord server, and everyone that's around 30 say your 20s will be the hardest period of your life, but at 30 you'll get a better chance at being more put together and mellow out. I think that's true, I've never particularly understood how college years are meant to be the funnest parts of your life, a lot of people make mistakes or almost ruin their loves at that period. Youre still learning to manage responsibilities after all.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I think I need to do something. I saw around me that people older than me were in the same situation as me and they were ruining their lives. I know that if I do nothing, my situation will be like those people, but I don't feel like doing anything.

I can attest to that. You're at a critical point right now. It sounds like you're dealing with severe depression. Have you ever talked to anyone or sought any kind of help?

 

[paranous]

I can attest to that. You're at a critical point right now. It sounds like you're dealing with severe depression. Have you ever talked to anyone or sought any kind of help?

I can't tell anyone that I want to commit suicide. I can't go to a psychologist either. I make no effort to improve my situation and it only makes me worse.