I always have disturbing thoughts but these lately make me really feel bad

[prototypian]

Not disturbing as in violent or perverted: I was thinking about my upbringing as Catholic. Then I started thinking about several logic things. 1) why was I born-I had no choice in the matter, I didn't ask for it, if I had more knowledge before I would have said "nah" and it's not really an existence I want. 2) Christianity says that there are only two choices (ignoring the purgatory or other side bits for now) heaven or hell. That's it. My only two choices. After death you are either judged to be able to get your camel through the eye of the needle and get everlasting peace and joy or everlasting torment, bee stings, commercial interruptions and bad music piped in forever. No way around it and repeat the fact that Jesus died for your sins over and over as the only way forward from the separation of the two absolute end points. God is infinitely living, merciful, kind and forgiving but absolute in his dispensing of irreversible endless torment or absolute peace with no take backs and a zero tolerance because he is all good and all loving.

What is my puny brain missing here?

 

[katara]

same upbringing, it's difficult making any sense of it you'll go crazy trying to.