I almost did it today

[Catofsorrow]

I went with partial hanging in my room, manage to compress the carotid arteries completely. I kept pulling back when I am about to black out, it was at a point of I didn't even realised I had pulled back until I started shaking.

Things I can confirm:

1) It is extremely peaceful, you close your eyes basically black out in under 10 seconds. (If you do it right)

2) Convulsions and shaking, after attempting hanging, if you didn't manage to do it the whole way you will end up convulsing a little but nothing too uncomfortable.

3) Will power/ survival instinct. You really dont understand how strong your SI is until this moment.

To put it in perspective, I have anxiety issues and a fear of failure, been wanting to CTB since I was 10, some days I have woken up and the first thought in my mind was to suicide. And I still couldnt go through with it today.

Your body and mind will work against you and use every leverage they have to stop you. I had made the atmosphere completely perfect, I planned to die on my bed while listening to calming music with ac on. But its that moment when you touch the line between life and death do you have that moment of clarity that this may be it, I will not see anyone or anything ever again in this life.

I would conclude that hanging is an extremely personal way to go. Unless your mind is 100% made up on death, you wont be able to fight against yourself in preventing it.

I may try ctb again in the future but probably not anytime soon. Hope this helped anyone get some insight.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Thank you for sharing your experience, mate. And I struggle with feeling stupid because I also couldn't go through with my most recent attempt. But SI is a bitch to conquer, as you know. Try to not beat yourself up - it's a very difficult decision.

 

[Catofsorrow]

Thank you for sharing your experience, mate. And I struggle with feeling stupid because I also couldn't go through with my most recent attempt. But SI is a bitch to conquer, as you know. Try to not beat yourself up - it's a very difficult decision.

Thank you for this, I wished I could obtain SN easier and gone with that instead. I have wanted to try jumping before but SI is seriously too hard to overcome for me to even make an attempt.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Thank you for this, I wished I could obtain SN easier and gone with that instead. I have wanted to try jumping before but SI is seriously too hard to overcome for me to even make an attempt.

Jumping would be a very difficult method to go through with....you have the entire fall to decide if you fucked up or not, and the consequences of failing are horrible. :(

Is SN difficult to get in your country?

 

[Catofsorrow]

Jumping would be a very difficult method to go through with....you have the entire fall to decide if you fucked up or not, and the consequences of failing are horrible. :(

Is SN difficult to get in your country?

I am not sure but I cant exactly buy it online since I live with my parents. (unless you know anyway to get it physically?) I wanted to ctb today because I have exams coming up soon and I just.. I just cant deal with that right now after practically a year of continuous failure. Now I guess I just have to either suck it up or try ctb again. I have never been good at dealing with people or talking things out with others (read anxiety issues).

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I am not sure but I cant exactly buy it online since I live with my parents. (unless you know anyway to get it physically?) I wanted to ctb today because I have exams coming up soon and I just.. I just cant deal with that right now after practically a year of continuous failure. Now I guess I just have to either suck it up or try ctb again. I have never been good at dealing with people or talking things out with others (read anxiety issues).

I'm not sure about how one could buy it physically. Sorry, mate. And I understand the anxiety issues; I deal with anxiety as well. It's hard.

 

[I screwed up]

Same problem I face ... SN is not easy to get in India and I too live with parents..so hanging is the only option available but the damn SI is fuckin bad to attempt it .. I feel trapped ... Completely understand ur situation

 

[BetterInthanOut]

Thanks for sharing this, really interesting to hear your perspective! I hope that whatever you decide to do longterm works out

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Thanks for putting it into perspective how strong our SI can be. SI has been frustrating me a bit lately. Maybe my SI is currently holding me back because it's not my time just yet and I hope that when it is time, I'll be able to fight it.

Can I ask what your anchor point is/what you're hanging from?

 

[StateOfMind]

SI is a cunt. The only thing holding me back. I have full-proof method all I need to do is jump.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

I went with partial hanging in my room, manage to compress the carotid arteries completely. I kept pulling back when I am about to black out, it was at a point of I didn't even realised I had pulled back until I started shaking.

Things I can confirm:

1) It is extremely peaceful, you close your eyes basically black out in under 10 seconds. (If you do it right)

2) Convulsions and shaking, after attempting hanging, if you didn't manage to do it the whole way you will end up convulsing a little but nothing too uncomfortable.

3) Will power/ survival instinct. You really dont understand how strong your SI is until this moment.

To put it in perspective, I have anxiety issues and a fear of failure, been wanting to CTB since I was 10, some days I have woken up and the first thought in my mind was to suicide. And I still couldnt go through with it today.

Your body and mind will work against you and use every leverage they have to stop you. I had made the atmosphere completely perfect, I planned to die on my bed while listening to calming music with ac on. But its that moment when you touch the line between life and death do you have that moment of clarity that this may be it, I will not see anyone or anything ever again in this life.

I would conclude that hanging is an extremely personal way to go. Unless your mind is 100% made up on death, you wont be able to fight against yourself in preventing it.

I may try ctb again in the future but probably not anytime soon. Hope this helped anyone get some insight.

Thank you for posting this.

How made up was your mind when you attempted it? 80%? More?

"But its that moment when you touch the line between life and death do you have that moment of clarity that this may be it, I will not see anyone or anything ever again in this life". -- I really like the way you put this. It's the most important moment anyone will ever face, whether it's by ctb or not, and I can imagine the SI being at its maximum there.

You said that you will not try ctb anytime soon. Have you found a new lease on life or new hope?

 

[Catofsorrow]

You said that you will not try ctb anytime soon. Have you found a new lease on life or new hope?

I talked to a friend who understands how I feel (she is also a little suicidal), she said that if suicide is an option, you might as well try everything else you can. Since no matter how badly it goes, it wont matter anyway when you die. But if it goes well, you may have a new chance. Which I know is abit clichéd but since I cant exactly overcome my SI, I dont really have other better options

 

[Leshen]

And that's why full is my preferred method.
Once you commit there's no turning back.