I accidentally overdosed last night & would like to hear of any similar experiences

[Wrennie]

Yesterday I accidentally overdosed on Hydrocodone (not enough to kill me, but enough to make it so that my breathing was no longer an "automatic" process and instead a "manual/conscious effort" on my part).

This caused me significant fear and distress, and although I wanted to die and part of me thought that if I allowed myself to slip into unconsciousness that I would pass away, my survival instinct involuntarily 'came out' and told my mother everything that happened and to call 911.

Ironically I wasn't even trying to CTB at the time; I just wanted to use the pills to eliminate the severe menstrual pain I was presently experiencing, so I downed a couple of my brother's prescription opiates that he was given after a recent surgical procedure (that he never ended up taking). I didn't know the amount of milligrams per pill. As a result I started to feel like I could only manually breathe (while conscious), and as I began to feel drowsy and as though I were going to pass out (it was nighttime), I noticed that I "skipped" breaths. I was no longer breathing automatically, so I could only ensure I was safe while I remained conscious because then I could still will myself to breathe.

I was somehow able to convince the psychiatric advocate at the hospital that I wasn't suicidal despite my history of suicidal tendencies, and so I'm home now… But the fact that I literally felt as though my survival instinct took control over my body and called for help against my wishes (and in spite of the very real risk that they could've sectioned me again) deeply concerns me and makes me worry about 'it' coming back out in the future if I were to intentionally try something. I think that because I was still conscious when my breathing problems began that that was what triggered it.

Has anyone else here OD'd on opiates before? Did it cause you to panic or did the high cause you euphoria? (Because my OD didn't cause any euphoric feelings for me, just a sensation of full-body numbness).

Ironically I am the only member of my family that can tolerate opiates without it triggering vomiting. My mother hardcore puked when given oxycodone for her shoulder surgery.

Would a barbiturate overdose work out better for a person like me because I wouldn't be conscious for the respiratory depression stage?

 

[Efilismislife]

So you have to keep breathing intentionally right?
That means your CNS is depressed.

i used to get that attack in my sleep randomly and almost died.

Barbiturate is similar.
It kills by depressing the autonomic breathing and blood flow
Supposed if you pass out it should be able to kill. But i wonder why they say its not reliable...

Adding propranorol will make it more lethal since it depressed respiratory muscle and heart rate.

Yesterday I accidentally overdosed on Hydrocodone (not enough to kill me, but enough to make it so that my breathing was no longer an "automatic" process and instead a manual/conscious effort on my part).

This caused me significant fear and distress, and although I wanted to die and part of me thought that if I allowed myself to slip into unconsciousness that I would pass away, my survival instinct involuntarily 'came out' and told my mother everything that happened and to call 911.

Ironically I wasn't even trying to CTB at the time; I just wanted to use the pills to eliminate the severe menstrual pain I was presently experiencing, so I downed a couple of my brother's prescription opiates that he was given after a recent surgical procedure (that he never ended up taking). I didn't know the amount of milligrams per pill. As a result I started to feel like I could only manually breathe (while conscious), and as I began to feel drowsy and as though I were going to pass out (it was nighttime), I noticed that I "skipped" breaths. I was no longer breathing automatically, so I could only ensure I was safe while I remained conscious because then I could still will myself to breathe.

I was somehow able to convince the psychiatric advocate at the hospital that I wasn't suicidal despite my history of suicidal tendencies, and so I'm home now… But the fact that I literally felt as though my survival instinct took control over my body and called for help against my wishes (and in spite of the very real risk that they could've sectioned me again) deeply concerns me and makes me worry about 'it' coming back out in the future if I were to intentionally try something. I think that because I was still conscious when my breathing problems began that that was what triggered it.

Has anyone else here OD'd on opiates before? Did it cause you to panic or did the high cause you euphoria? (Because my OD didn't cause any euphoric feelings for me, just a sensation of full-body numbness).

Ironically I am the only member of my family that can tolerate opiates without it triggering vomiting. My mother hardcore puked when given oxycodone for her shoulder surgery.

Would a barbiturate overdose work out better for a person like me because I wouldn't be conscious for the respiratory depression stage?

barbiturate induce unconsciousness so i supposed it will do the work better

 

[filtfarfar]

I was 100 % sure you were a male Wrennie lol.

 

[Wrennie]

I was 100 % sure you were a male Wrennie lol.

Lmfaooo really? That's hilarious.
I guess men do pick anime girls for avatars too? I thought I made my gender obvious but I suppose not lol

So you have to keep breathing intentionally right?
That means your CNS is depressed.

i used to get that attack in my sleep randomly and almost died.

barbiturate almost the same.

It kills by depressing the autonomic breathing and blood flow
Supposed if you pass out it should be able to kill.

Adding propranorol will make it more lethal since it depressed respiratory muscle and heart rate.


barbiturate induce unconsciousness so i supposed it will do the work

Yeah my CNS was definitely depressed. I had trouble moving and coordinating my fingers, so I couldn't use my phone to go on here and explain my symptoms at the time they were occurring.

I thought opioids made a person pass out, but I was still awake (just tired because it was nighttime) and "high"in the sole sense that I didn't feel any pain whatsoever anymore… but there was no accompanying euphoria or feeling of "okay-ness" that some people describe, so naturally when my breathing started to become 'manual-only' I panicked.

I think for barbiturates the onset of sleepiness is first, and the breathing difficulties/respiratory depression starts only after you are already passed out. I don't want to be awake or aware for its occurrence.

Maybe I just didn't take enough opiates? Had I taken 100, would I pass out from it then, or would I still be conscious and just not capable of caring?

& wow, crazy to hear you almost died from a problem with your CNS! Is there a name for your condition?

 

[filtfarfar]

Lmfaooo really? That's hilarious.
I guess men do pick anime girls for icons too? I thought I made my gender obvious but I suppose not lol

Yes very funny haha. I read your posts with a different voice now xD
Some men are obsessed with anime girls! You had me fooled with your previous avatar and your new icons made me a bit confused at first :) makes more sense now :)

 

[Wrennie]

Yes very funny haha. I read your posts with a different voice now xD
Some men are obsessed with anime girls! You had me fooled with your previous avatar and your new icons made me a bit confused at first :) makes more sense now :)

Lol it's funny the "voices" we subconsciously ascribe to the posters whose content we're reading. For some reason I now just read everyone's posts in a default voice without there ever being much variation, but it used to be a lot different when I was younger. I would give unique "voices" to prominent posters on the forums/sites that I frequented at the time, like Neopets.

 

[Makko]

Lmfaooo really? That's hilarious.
I guess men do pick anime girls for avatars too? I thought I made my gender obvious but I suppose not lol

There are no real girls on the internet. Only anime girls

 

[Wrennie]

There are no real girls on the internet. Only anime girls

I love the fact that this thread was intended to be a place for those who have overdosed to discuss their past experiences, but has instead evolved into a debate over the validity of human females versus anime girls on the internet.

 

[Pookie]

Yeah I OD'ed and almost died. I would've joined the 27 club. Yay!

My experience was much "easier" than yours, I didn't feel any respiratory depression. I just fell unconscious and couldn't be roused.

 

[Makko]

I love the fact that this thread was intended to be a place for those who have overdosed to discuss their experiences, but has instead evolved into a debate over the validity of human females versus anime girls on the internet.

An altogether more important dialectic.

I wish I had something to contribute but I haven't taken a pill in my life besides paracetamol. Judging from people's experiences here it was a justified caution.

 

[Wrennie]

Yeah I OD'ed and almost died. I would've joined the 27 club. Yay!

I recall you telling me that now! I need to re-read our conversation. I'm still kind of messed up from my experience so my memory is kinda funky atm.

 

[Pookie]

I recall you telling me that now! I need to re-read our conversation. I'm still kind of messed up from my experience so my memory is kinda funky atm.

I actually still need to write back to you because I'm sure you asked me a few questions about it.

I currently have 3 buprenorphine patches on my body and I'm still in pain!

Back when I almost OD'ed it was a mixture of substances and I was opioid-naïve. It would take a truckload of opioids to do anything to me now.

 

[Wrennie]

I actually still need to write back to you because I'm sure you asked me a few questions about it.

I currently have 3 buprenorphine patches on my body and I'm still in pain!

Back when I almost OD'ed it was a mixture of substances and I was opioid-naïve. It would take a truckload of opioids to do anything to me now.

I think I had such a strong reaction last night because I was basically opioid-naive as well. I know that chronic opioid exposure reduces their effect, which is utterly horrific for those who are afflicted with painful disorders where there's just no existing alternative to manage their pain.

(I also had 40% vodka which I downed earlier that day potentially still in my system, and a quarter of a bottle of a potent cannabis tincture that I swallowed whole, and the fact that I was already prescribed 3 mg Klonopin daily.)

I *might* be able to be prescribed opioids for my nerve pain, but I'd probably be unable to hoard them, because my prescriber would likely learn of my prior hospitalization and that I'm the type of person to abuse medication… So they may not even prescribe any for me at all, actually.

I'm so sorry to hear you're still in pain Pookie. I wish I could take your pain from you and give it to myself instead so that you could go on to lead a happy life, because I feel as though I'm going to CTB regardless of what happens, so in the end it wouldn't matter for me.

 

[Pookie]

So looks like the other stuff in your system may have contributed. If you had passed out first you wouldn't have felt the breathing issues which must've been a very scary feeling.

Nowadays they HATE prescribing opioids due to its high addiction potential. So you're lucky if you do get them prescribed but it'll be in a very controlled manner.

You have so much empathy and thank you for saying that you would rather take my pain than have me experience it. You are so kind. But you have problems of your own and you don't need any more on top of what you're already enduring.

I've thought of a date to ctb and 10 January 2022 seems perfect to me. That's if I can hold on that long.

I hope that we'll both find our peace and finally be released from these torture chambers that are our bodies.

 

[eve2004]

Yesterday I accidentally overdosed on Hydrocodone (not enough to kill me, but enough to make it so that my breathing was no longer an "automatic" process and instead a "manual/conscious effort" on my part).

This caused me significant fear and distress, and although I wanted to die and part of me thought that if I allowed myself to slip into unconsciousness that I would pass away, my survival instinct involuntarily 'came out' and told my mother everything that happened and to call 911.

Ironically I wasn't even trying to CTB at the time; I just wanted to use the pills to eliminate the severe menstrual pain I was presently experiencing, so I downed a couple of my brother's prescription opiates that he was given after a recent surgical procedure (that he never ended up taking). I didn't know the amount of milligrams per pill. As a result I started to feel like I could only manually breathe (while conscious), and as I began to feel drowsy and as though I were going to pass out (it was nighttime), I noticed that I "skipped" breaths. I was no longer breathing automatically, so I could only ensure I was safe while I remained conscious because then I could still will myself to breathe.

I was somehow able to convince the psychiatric advocate at the hospital that I wasn't suicidal despite my history of suicidal tendencies, and so I'm home now… But the fact that I literally felt as though my survival instinct took control over my body and called for help against my wishes (and in spite of the very real risk that they could've sectioned me again) deeply concerns me and makes me worry about 'it' coming back out in the future if I were to intentionally try something. I think that because I was still conscious when my breathing problems began that that was what triggered it.

Has anyone else here OD'd on opiates before? Did it cause you to panic or did the high cause you euphoria? (Because my OD didn't cause any euphoric feelings for me, just a sensation of full-body numbness).

Ironically I am the only member of my family that can tolerate opiates without it triggering vomiting. My mother hardcore puked when given oxycodone for her shoulder surgery.

Would a barbiturate overdose work out better for a person like me because I wouldn't be conscious for the respiratory depression stage?

I have done this. No wait, I DO this. I tell my psych it's better than the alternative... The first time, I was semi-nervous, because I still had a few things to "finish up" before CTB. My breathing was slow. Real slow. Less than 10 breaths a minute, but did not feel labored. It also depends on how much that adds to your anxiety. My pulse has gone down to 30bpm before so I'm not terrified by respiration depression that high sedative doses cause. I used to be super fit and 200bpm was no problem for me either.... so when I developed tachtycardia earlier this year, I had no idea until I actually measured my pulse. 150-160bpm feels fine to me.

So I think it's something that both your brain and your mind get used to. I wouldn't train my brain too hard though...!
You do have naloxone nasal spray though right?

 

[Weary Soul]

I am so sorry you went through this Wrennie.

I have taken medications (non-narcotic) after which I have felt that I actually had to concentrate and work to breathe. I have also had heart arrythmias which are extremely unnerving. And both have been unnerving even though I do not intend to be around much longer through my own actions. Logically my brain says - well here is my opportunity - but then SI kicks in....

A former friend of mine had a brother who was addicted to heroin. He had often spoken of killing himself because of what his addiction was doing not only to him but also his family. One day he injected what he thought was heroin but it turned out to be pure fentanyl. His last words were, "I am terrified," despite the euphoric that comes with strong opioids and no doubt a massive dose of fentanyl.

So you are not alone in this.

When I first came here, I saw everyone talking about SI, and thought to myself, how bad can it really be - that SI? I have sinced learned that it is extremely insidious and strong. Much, much stronger than I ever anticipated.

On a more techinical note - opioids can affect people differently. Research has found that opiates do not impact people the same - some are rapid metabolizers, slow metabolizers, etc. And nausea (and itching for that matter) is a common side effect with opioids - I am kinda surprised you did not feel nausea if your body was opioid naive, but again, it just speaks to the different ways people metabolize meds.

Much hugs and love to you!!

 

[Wrennie]

So looks like the other stuff in your system may have contributed. If you had passed out you wouldn't have felt the breathing issues which must've been a very scary feeling.

Nowadays they HATE prescribing opioids due to its high addiction potential. So you're lucky if you do get them prescribed but it'll be in a very controlled manner.

You have so much empathy and thank you for saying that you would rather take my pain than have me experience it. You are so kind. But you have problems of your own and you don't need any more on top of what you're already enduring.

I've thought of a date to ctb and 10 January 2022 seems perfect to me. That's if I can hold on that long.

I hope that we'll both find our peace and finally be released from these torture chambers that are our bodies.

10 January 2020… Does that date hold any personal significance for you, or was it just chosen for its convenience? Please don't feel as though you have to answer, as I know it could potentially be deeply personal/private so I'd totally get not wanting to share your reasoning for it.

I must say though, I will truly miss you, Pookie. I think it's a genuine tragedy that a person as kind, eloquent & insightful as you are is being forced to exit this world due to such unbearable pain and the irredeemable failure of modern medicine to alleviate it for you & so many others that are similarly afflicted.

I do still wish that I could take on your pain, because if I were aware that it meant you would experience the joys of life once again and finally navigate this earth in a body unburdened by suffering, I could leave this world happy knowing that I was at least of use to someone who I've come to regard as a precious friend. Though we've never met face to face, your empathy toward my situation and our sharing of mutual experiences has helped me through so much. The support you've provided me has been invaluable. I just want to properly thank you for all you've done to help me. I know there's still time before your CTB date, but I just want to stress that I think you're an amazing human being, and you don't deserve to have to be forced to endlessly endure all that you've endured thus far in a world this cruel.

 

[Pookie]

Oh Wrennie, what you've written to me is so poignant and beautiful and I I don't think I've ever had anybody say such touching words to me before. It actually brought tears to my eyes.

Likewise, if you go before me I'll truly miss you too. I've never met anyone quite like you. You're an angel and it hurts me that such a precious soul like you is suffering so unbearably. You really don't deserve it. If only there was a permanent solution for you so that you too could experience joy and happiness in your life.

I'd also like to thank you for your valuable support and friendship which has helped me more than I can adequately express.

I chose 10 January because it'll be in the new year and I don't think I'll have the strength to face yet another year languishing in unbearable pain. It also won't be close to any of my loved ones' birthdays, which is important to me.

I've been struggling for a little over 8 years now and the pain is getting worse. I just can't do it anymore. I'm tired and I am spent and the relentless pain has finally broken my spirit. I'm not the same person I used to be. The advance date will also give me time to properly grieve an unfulfilled life and say goodbye to my few loved ones but I can't really prepare them for my death. Nothing can prepare a person for the death of a loved one. My family and partner are aware I want to ctb.

Some good news though, my buprenorphine patches have finally kicked in and I can finally THINK properly for the time-being. Yay!

I hope you can get some rest from your recent ordeal and some more support medication-wise. Hopefully a medication that can help you deal with your day-to-day life better.

Have you chosen a specific date or are you hoping that you'll just take the wrong combination of meds one day and accidentally die? (I still don't understand how Heath Ledger died so easily.)

You're also not obliged to answer if the question is too personal.

 

[Meditation guide]

Yesterday I accidentally overdosed on Hydrocodone (not enough to kill me, but enough to make it so that my breathing was no longer an "automatic" process and instead a "manual/conscious effort" on my part).

This caused me significant fear and distress, and although I wanted to die and part of me thought that if I allowed myself to slip into unconsciousness that I would pass away, my survival instinct involuntarily 'came out' and told my mother everything that happened and to call 911.

Ironically I wasn't even trying to CTB at the time; I just wanted to use the pills to eliminate the severe menstrual pain I was presently experiencing, so I downed a couple of my brother's prescription opiates that he was given after a recent surgical procedure (that he never ended up taking). I didn't know the amount of milligrams per pill. As a result I started to feel like I could only manually breathe (while conscious), and as I began to feel drowsy and as though I were going to pass out (it was nighttime), I noticed that I "skipped" breaths. I was no longer breathing automatically, so I could only ensure I was safe while I remained conscious because then I could still will myself to breathe.

I was somehow able to convince the psychiatric advocate at the hospital that I wasn't suicidal despite my history of suicidal tendencies, and so I'm home now… But the fact that I literally felt as though my survival instinct took control over my body and called for help against my wishes (and in spite of the very real risk that they could've sectioned me again) deeply concerns me and makes me worry about 'it' coming back out in the future if I were to intentionally try something. I think that because I was still conscious when my breathing problems began that that was what triggered it.

Has anyone else here OD'd on opiates before? Did it cause you to panic or did the high cause you euphoria? (Because my OD didn't cause any euphoric feelings for me, just a sensation of full-body numbness).

Ironically I am the only member of my family that can tolerate opiates without it triggering vomiting. My mother hardcore puked when given oxycodone for her shoulder surgery.

Would a barbiturate overdose work out better for a person like me because I wouldn't be conscious for the respiratory depression stage?

I had the same experience a while ago as you describe. I was falling asleep after taking some opiates, and suddenly noticed I wasn't taking breaths. I wasn't in the state of mind to ctb at the time and I got up and took a walk while willing myself to breathe.

I hadn't taken an OD so I'm not sure why it happened. I know an alarm went off in my brain that made me aware of what was happening.

 

[Wrennie]

I am so sorry you went through this Wrennie.

I have taken medications (non-narcotic) after which I have felt that I actually had to concentrate and work to breathe. I have also had heart arrythmias which are extremely unnerving. And both have been unnerving even though I do not intend to be around much longer through my own actions. Logically my brain says - well here is my opportunity - but then SI kicks in....

A former friend of mine had a brother who was addicted to heroin. He had often spoken of killing himself because of what his addiction was doing not only to him but also his family. One day he injected what he thought was heroin but it turned out to be pure fentanyl. His last words were, "I am terrified," despite the euphoric that comes with strong opioids and no doubt a massive dose of fentanyl.

So you are not alone in this.

When I first came here, I saw everyone talking about SI, and thought to myself, how bad can it really be - that SI? I have sinced learned that it is extremely insidious and strong. Much, much stronger than I ever anticipated.

On a more techinical note - opioids can affect people differently. Research has found that opiates do not impact people the same - some are rapid metabolizers, slow metabolizers, etc. And nausea (and itching for that matter) is a common side effect with opioids - I am kinda surprised you did not feel nausea if your body was opioid naive, but again, it just speaks to the different ways people metabolize meds.

Much hugs and love to you!!

Much hugs and love to you too!!
Thank you so much for providing me with your personal experience and all of this valuable information!

Arrhythmia is something I have yet to experience but I'm sure it's just as distressing as respiratory depression, if not even more so, so I'm sorry you were ever forced to deal with such a thing!

Survival instinct is truly terrifying. If I had to describe it, it's like a split personality that manifests while the real you is still mentally present in the background, but *you* have absolutely no control whatsoever over what the "SI persona" says or does. I don't know if this was an effect of the opioid in conjunction with the SI or just the SI acting on its own, but my "SI persona" literally couldn't tell a lie. Anything my mother asked me about myself I answered truthfully. It was almost like it was acting as a form of truth serum in a way… I wouldn't shut up and just continued to answer her prying questions in an automatic (almost robotic) fashion, such as revealing the secret location of my sodium nitrite (which she only knew I had because I'd stupidly lashed out at her when I was angry and told her I possessed a means which enabled me to end my life at any given time, and that she'd never find out where I'd hidden it). Yes, that was admittedly moronic of me… but she still never would've found it if it hadn't been for my "SI persona" and it's utter inability to keep my mouth shut. My hiding spot was good enough that it remained hidden for months, even with her actively scouring the backyard in search of it, and it was LW brand too!

I am so sorry to hear about your friend, and that he may have been plagued with fear during his final moments in spite of using a substance that should've provided him with a peaceful exit.
It does make me wonder though how euthanasia organizations handle survival instinct suddenly kicking in with the people who just drank a lethal dose of Nembutal… I know they'd never show footage of that because it would reflect poorly upon their organizations (and they get enough bad rep as it is) but a part of me really wants to know their protocol for handling such an outcome.

I was surprised too that I didn't vomit from the opioids, what with me being a new user and all, but I've found that the only thing in life strong enough to make me vomit is the agony that accompanies severe acid reflux. I normally have no gag reflex whatsoever, which I've found to be infuriating whenever I was sick with the flu or with food poisoning and just wanted to purge the source of the sickness OUT of my body. Even so, the opioids didn't even cause any feelings of nausea to arise in me, so I guess I metabolize them a lot differently from my mother!

 

[Weary Soul]

You are a beautiful soul Wrennie and it breaks my heart that you are in so much distress. Thank you so much for taking the time to write back to me.

Yes, SI has been so very insidious for me as well, I find it creeping up on me in the oddest of ways and I don't realize it until I find myself negotiating or arguing with myself.

It is really odd and if it weren't such a serious matter, I would be laughing at myself right now at how many times I have had to mentally disuss survival with myself and explain that it is this or the streets for me, and there is no way I will survive on the streets, so the options I have are a relatively quick exit versus a long-drawn out exit. It is just like you described - almost a separate entity or persona, one that I find myself negotiating with. O.O

What you wrote to @Pookie about wishing that you could rewrite the very nature of this world really struck such a chord with me - I soooo wish this too. So many suffer in ways that could be helped and they are not given that help. The needless suffering in this world is heartbreaking to me.

@Pookie, I am sorry you are in so much pain. I have no idea how you have lasted 8 years with it. I had severe back pain once for about a year, to the point I was in a wheelchair. It took 4 doctors to figure out it was actually a severe vitamin B12 deficiency - and the infuriating part was I asked the first doctor to check my B12 because I have pernicious anemia and my B12 levels had not been checked at my physical. And HE WOULD NOT LISTEN. As soon as I got one injection of B12 my pain went from disabling to being able to move with ease that same day. Chronic pain is horrific - I am so sorry you have to deal with this and am glad your patches have enabled you to get some relief - that IS huge!

<3

 

[Pookie]

Thank you for your kind words @Weary Soul. I also have no idea how I did it for so long, it's all just a blur.

I can't believe that a doctor, knowing that you have pernicious anaemia refused to check your B12 levels. What in the actual fuck? I swear, some doctors aren't in the profession to help people, but rather for status or because their parents forced them into studying it. So many doctors and specialists have let me down that I hardly trust any of them. That said, there are some fantastic doctors out there but they're not that easy to find.

I'm glad they found your B12 deficiency in time, if they had left it any longer you could've been left with irreversible peripheral neuropathy or much worse.

 

[Efilismislife]

I have taken medications (non-narcotic) after which I have felt that I actually had to concentrate and work to breathe. I have also had heart arrythmias which are extremely unnerving.

Whats the drug you took that cause that reaction?

One day he injected what he thought was heroin but it turned out to be pure fentanyl. His last words were, "I am terrified," despite the euphoric that comes with strong opioids and no doubt a massive dose of fentanyl.

So you are not alone in this.

When I first came here, I saw everyone talking about SI, and thought to myself, how bad can it really be - that SI? I have sinced learned that it is extremely insidious and strong. Much, much stronger than I ever anticipated.

If he took sedative it should calm the anxiety down doesnt it? I wonder

Also SI is basically the surge of adrenaline rush kicks in and make the fight and flight mode goes berserk right?

I remember watching a vlog of a terminal patient told her experience when shes dying. she act like crazy, rip off her stuff animals and throw stuff at the doctor cause she saw the doctor turn into satan She even told herself "yo calm own!" but it didnt work cause shes losing her brain from hypoxia

 

[Weary Soul]

@Efilismislife, I think the med is hydroxizine but I am not sure, it may also have been lyrica (I was just started on both for anxiety/stress, insomnia, and my never-ending headaches). I have had the heart arrhythmias forever and there is no known cause - or it has never been figured out.

I would have though my friend's brother would have been floating on a cloud and he would not have felt a thing - but maybe he was so attuned to the heroin that he knew something was really wrong when it turned out to be pure fentynal. And the tox screen on autopsy confirmed that he had been sold pure fentanyl.

If you mean surge of adrenaline being equal to severe anxiety then yes, that is what I have been experiencing. But I think just like most things, SI can vary from person to person. For me, right now, SI is more insidious, anxiety, stress, my mind thinking of all sorts of wild things... that kind of thing.

That sounds so sad that she suffered so much. I hope she is better now or has found some semblance of peace. My father, when he was dying of cancer absolutely and completely lost his mind in the last 4 weeks before he died. It was pretty horrific at the time.

Ultimately, I think SI cannot be quantified/categorized as the same for everyone.

: )

 

[Meditation guide]

Yesterday I accidentally overdosed on Hydrocodone (not enough to kill me, but enough to make it so that my breathing was no longer an "automatic" process and instead a "manual/conscious effort" on my part).

This caused me significant fear and distress, and although I wanted to die and part of me thought that if I allowed myself to slip into unconsciousness that I would pass away, my survival instinct involuntarily 'came out' and told my mother everything that happened and to call 911.

Ironically I wasn't even trying to CTB at the time; I just wanted to use the pills to eliminate the severe menstrual pain I was presently experiencing, so I downed a couple of my brother's prescription opiates that he was given after a recent surgical procedure (that he never ended up taking). I didn't know the amount of milligrams per pill. As a result I started to feel like I could only manually breathe (while conscious), and as I began to feel drowsy and as though I were going to pass out (it was nighttime), I noticed that I "skipped" breaths. I was no longer breathing automatically, so I could only ensure I was safe while I remained conscious because then I could still will myself to breathe.

I was somehow able to convince the psychiatric advocate at the hospital that I wasn't suicidal despite my history of suicidal tendencies, and so I'm home now… But the fact that I literally felt as though my survival instinct took control over my body and called for help against my wishes (and in spite of the very real risk that they could've sectioned me again) deeply concerns me and makes me worry about 'it' coming back out in the future if I were to intentionally try something. I think that because I was still conscious when my breathing problems began that that was what triggered it.

Has anyone else here OD'd on opiates before? Did it cause you to panic or did the high cause you euphoria? (Because my OD didn't cause any euphoric feelings for me, just a sensation of full-body numbness).

Ironically I am the only member of my family that can tolerate opiates without it triggering vomiting. My mother hardcore puked when given oxycodone for her shoulder surgery.

Would a barbiturate overdose work out better for a person like me because I wouldn't be conscious for the respiratory depression stage?

Unfortunately I'm not sure you can get barbiturates now, at least in USA. That would be peaceful because you would be asleep.

 

[Efilismislife]

@Efilismislife, I think the med is hydroxizine but I am not sure, it may also have been lyrica (I was just started on both for anxiety/stress, insomnia, and my never-ending headaches). I have had the heart arrhythmias forever and there is no known cause - or it has never been figured out.

I would have though my friend's brother would have been floating on a cloud and he would not have felt a thing - but maybe he was so attuned to the heroin that he knew something was really wrong when it turned out to be pure fentynal. And the tox screen on autopsy confirmed that he had been sold pure fentanyl.

If you mean surge of adrenaline being equal to severe anxiety then yes, that is what I have been experiencing. But I think just like most things, SI can vary from person to person. For me, right now, SI is more insidious, anxiety, stress, my mind thinking of all sorts of wild things... that kind of thing.

That sounds so sad that she suffered so much. I hope she is better now or has found some semblance of peace. My father, when he was dying of cancer absolutely and completely lost his mind in the last 4 weeks before he died. It was pretty horrific at the time.

Ultimately, I think SI cannot be quantified/categorized as the same for everyone.

: )

I have heart arrhythmia too thats why im worried about SN causing heart tachycardia.

i think i experince moderate SI when i got terribly sick i try to calm myself down but my brain act crazy, it feels messed up like theres an alarm ringing keep bugging me to do things to save myself.

She survived that dying episode but unfortunately year later die from lung surgery that shes longing for cause it supposed to save her but end up killing her

The irony..

 

[Wrennie]

I have done this. No wait, I DO this. I tell my psych it's better than the alternative... The first time, I was semi-nervous, because I still had a few things to "finish up" before CTB. My breathing was slow. Real slow. Less than 10 breaths a minute, but did not feel labored. It also depends on how much that adds to your anxiety. My pulse has gone down to 30bpm before so I'm not terrified by respiration depression that high sedative doses cause. I used to be super fit and 200bpm was no problem for me either.... so when I developed tachtycardia earlier this year, I had no idea until I actually measured my pulse. 150-160bpm feels fine to me.

So I think it's something that both your brain and your mind get used to. I wouldn't train my brain too hard though...!
You do have naloxone nasal spray though right?

Thank you for sharing your experience.
Oh & no, I've never heard of naloxone nasal spray. Is it like an alternative to Narcan?

 

[Bullit]

I was 100 % sure you were a male Wrennie lol.

Are you saying men can't have menstrual cramps?? Transphobe!

 

[Pookie]

K"I don't think I ever told you, but my father's profession is literally the development of technology that is designed to be used to screen packages for illegal drugs! The irony of it all just slays me! I think that customs actually utilizes his company's technology in particular, which unnerves me, because I constantly hear him gush about how his devices are so effective at detecting the trace elements from multiple classes of drugs. I can only hope that barbiturates aren't one of them!

I don't understand how Heath Ledger died so easily either!!!! It was only prescription pills, right? Did they ever say what exact combination he took? Probably not, but I still find myself wondering at times if I have at least some of what he had in his cabinet in my possession… "

Ha ha ha, sorry but I could't handle the irony that your father works with technology that screens packages for illegal drugs. What will happen when your N gets delivered, I wonder? Does he really do that for a living or is he trying to deter you from ordering illegal/poisonous substances to deter you, considering that he's aware of your suicidal tendencies?

Heath apparently died from the combined effects of oxycodone, hydrocodone, diazepam, temazepam, alprazolam and doxylamine. From what I know is that doxylamine is just an first generation antihistamine that can cause drowsiness. I don't know what the mg of his benzos and painkillers were. Maybe they were relatively high doses.