Hyperventilating in panic, need to CTB now

[wellherewego_]

As I hyperventilate in my car in current panic attack I stare at trying to find the quickest way to CTB. I am far away from my plan. I've spent the last 3 days foodless, vomiting, and hiding in bed. I wish I lived alone but I don't however I am in a situation where I can get away with being invisible and unloved. I spent the last couple of days working up the courage to die by SN to find out I have the wrong kind. Not only do I feel stupid, I feel more desperate than ever. I need another way and fast but I need it work. I can't spend many more days like this and I can't hide much longer before someone notices. So be it my job or potentially someone noticing I'm gone for multiple days without explanation. I'm trying to work up the courage to jump somewhere. I'm scared and I can't calm down. All this was just while I tried to leave the house to pick up something that's supposed to call me down and straight up panicking from misery. I can't even make the drive there… I just want it to end.

Update:
I will mention I'm now sitting in a parking lot at a pharmacy. If I can calm down, any suggestions on what I can pick up in the US for make shift end that will be quick (I'm in my car) with no access to a garage either.

 

[JoeFailure]

I'm really sorry to hear about all of this. I've been in those situations where I was hyperventilating so bad and everything was so bad that I didn't want one more second and I almost checked into a hotel once to jump off the balcony.

I'm not one of those people to tell you that things will get better for sure. I don't know that, nobody does. What I would say is try to do anything you can so that you aren't doing this in a reckless way that could leave you severely injured and then you are stuck still living but physically hurt.

That sounds easier said than done, I know. I hope you don't end up having to do it but if you do, it really should be meticulously planned to get you the best outcome. I'm not saying this to scare you, it's just there have been people here and stories I've read where people impulsively jump from somewhere and it doesn't kill them.

I wish I had something better to say, I know how bad it is to be in the thick of all of that.

 

[theboy]

what is your job?
I didn't understand why you drove

 

[tiredangelgirl]

i've been here before! I truly think ctb shouldn't be a decision you make in a panic. I hope you're able to calm down a bit and get some food, watch some youtube videos or go for a walk. we're here for you

 

[silverswan]

Panicking means you're more likely to make mistakes and end up with regrets. Give it some time. Think about what you want to leave behind and who you might want to say goodbye to. Even if you can't eat, could you try drinking something like juice or a decaf sports drink, or tea with honey? That will get your blood sugar up and make it easier for you to think clearly.

 

[FuneralCry]

Unfortunately, suicide really isn't so straightforward in this world and I really doubt that there is anything suitable for a successful ctb at the pharamacy, if there was it would be restricted in this society that is so incredibly anti suicide. It does sound like an awful and tiring situation that you are trapped in, and it's understandable just wanting to leave so desperately. But anyway I wish you the best of luck.

 

[LittleJem]

That sounds horrendous, what a nightmare.

CO method in car…I know it's technical but if you can follow it then a good method

 

[リスカ]

I hope you were able to calm down, that seems like a terrifying situation. I want to say, don't make the decision to CTB on impulse. Especially without planning, it could go horribly wrong.