BodyOfDaffodil
Member
- Jun 14, 2023
- 28
It's been roughly 7-8 days now since the incident. My step brother has been taken into custody while they work on pressing chargers. However my family is trying to find bail money for him. I found out about four hours ago that I'm pregnant. I asked repeatedly for a plan B pill, or anything for that matter and they said 'Oh, okay. I'll grab it for you after.' Then after never came. So now I've been sitting here, stewing with a fucking peanut sized thing inside my stomach when it could've been flushed down a toilet already. My rage knows no bounds right now, and I've tried to get it out of me with a coat hanger that I asked my brother to bring me. Obviously, it didn't work. no harm done, not even a scratch. I am losing my fucking mind, I feel insane. There is a thing inside of me that was not born out of love, but out of anger and hatred; distress and lust; nothing close to love; nothing close to what I would have wanted for it. Now I have to sit here and suffer with this thing inside my stomach.
My father and step-mother are delighted to know that I am with a child. I am not. I have been asking my nurses about scheduling an abortion, but they said since I'm in the psych ward right now that won't be possible as I could possibly escape among other things that aren't making any sense.
I think I'm going crazy. I feel dirty, disgusting, I can't even fathom that idea that something that was from my stepbrother is now housing inside of me where it doesn't belong. I'm hurling just typing this out, I've been puking for the last two mornings, and the smell of meat makes me feel sideways. I haven't been able to keep a healthy appetite. I want to die, please god just let me die.
I don't know what I;ve done to deserve this life I lead but I need God to take it away from me now. I can't be a mother, but I am nothing but an adult sized child myself. If this child is born, it will be born from my suffering and I will lament it with every fibre of my being Just like how my mother lamented me. I hate this, I hate myself most importantly. I wish I was never conceived at all.
My father and step-mother are delighted to know that I am with a child. I am not. I have been asking my nurses about scheduling an abortion, but they said since I'm in the psych ward right now that won't be possible as I could possibly escape among other things that aren't making any sense.
I think I'm going crazy. I feel dirty, disgusting, I can't even fathom that idea that something that was from my stepbrother is now housing inside of me where it doesn't belong. I'm hurling just typing this out, I've been puking for the last two mornings, and the smell of meat makes me feel sideways. I haven't been able to keep a healthy appetite. I want to die, please god just let me die.
I don't know what I;ve done to deserve this life I lead but I need God to take it away from me now. I can't be a mother, but I am nothing but an adult sized child myself. If this child is born, it will be born from my suffering and I will lament it with every fibre of my being Just like how my mother lamented me. I hate this, I hate myself most importantly. I wish I was never conceived at all.
