tannhausers
Голодный.
- Apr 23, 2026
- 13
Hunger Haunts Me.
I recently realized that one of the biggest problems in my life is Hunger. And it's not just about the physiological need when the body demands fuel. It is a metaphorical, all-consuming hunger.
A little context: I have body dysmorphia and an ED (eating disorder). Currently, I am going through unstable weight loss, and almost all my time is consumed by thoughts of food, hunger, and emptiness.
Physical hunger.
Its most superficial form. When your body becomes hysterical, demanding food; when your stomach cramps, and you stare at your phone with a morbid craving, watching others devour fast food and sweets. This is the most noticeable hunger, the loudest one. It haunts you everywhere, harms you, poisons your mind. Your head fills with only one obsessive thought: how to stuff your stomach right now.
But this feeling can be mitigated and drowned out with chemistry — drugs like Ozempic, Retatrutide, or Tirzepatide. If you are broke and have no money — just endure it. There is another option: pouring Coke Zero down your throat to trick your body with artificial sweeteners. But you have to pay for the illusion of satiety, too.
The hunger of desires.
On the second level, I place the thirst for life and ambition. Any dream of yours, any longing for something more is also a hunger. You crave it.
For instance, you sit at an unbearably boring job, time drags on like molasses, and you think: "At home, I would spend this time well; I would be living." But upon returning to an empty apartment, you do absolutely nothing. This lingering, viscous feeling of dissatisfaction follows close on your heels.
The hunger of loneliness.
One of the deepest levels. You are alone, and your entire being begs for someone to be near. Someone who will listen, support you, or just sit in silence with you. But in public, you convince yourself that you are not interested in people. They seem like superficial, stupid, and annoying ignoramuses.
And then comes the dead of night. You are left alone in your room, mindlessly scrolling through your feed, and you realize how disastrously alone you are. You have no one to pour your heart out to. You look at other people's love on the internet and crave the same. Your mind rushes back and forth: the thought "I want to find a soulmate" shatters against your disappointment in people and yourself, shifting to "I don't need anyone; no one will understand me anyway." It is an endless cycle. An Ouroboros devouring itself.
The hunger for happiness.
An absolute abyss. A thirst for peace, when you simply want everything to be alright. For bad thoughts to disappear, for all misfortunes and problems to evaporate. But this is an illusion. In harsh reality, no one is coming to save you. Your life is solely in your hands; you must solve your own problems yourself. In the end, the only thing you will have left forever is you.
Hunger.
I hate and despise it. I dream of getting rid of it, but I think about it every single day — from the primitive rumbling in my stomach to the existential emptiness.
This hunger will never disappear. Even at the peak of your life, it will stand beside you, breathing down your neck. And even if you try to satiate it, you will fail. No matter how hard you try to close this abyss, whether superficial or deep, you will never be fully satisfied. You will always be left wanting. Sitting in a room filled to the brim with gold, you will still want more. It is eternal gluttony. Eternal envy.
There is only one way to cope with this hunger — to learn to masterfully ignore it.
Or simply exit.
I recently realized that one of the biggest problems in my life is Hunger. And it's not just about the physiological need when the body demands fuel. It is a metaphorical, all-consuming hunger.
A little context: I have body dysmorphia and an ED (eating disorder). Currently, I am going through unstable weight loss, and almost all my time is consumed by thoughts of food, hunger, and emptiness.
Physical hunger.
Its most superficial form. When your body becomes hysterical, demanding food; when your stomach cramps, and you stare at your phone with a morbid craving, watching others devour fast food and sweets. This is the most noticeable hunger, the loudest one. It haunts you everywhere, harms you, poisons your mind. Your head fills with only one obsessive thought: how to stuff your stomach right now.
But this feeling can be mitigated and drowned out with chemistry — drugs like Ozempic, Retatrutide, or Tirzepatide. If you are broke and have no money — just endure it. There is another option: pouring Coke Zero down your throat to trick your body with artificial sweeteners. But you have to pay for the illusion of satiety, too.
The hunger of desires.
On the second level, I place the thirst for life and ambition. Any dream of yours, any longing for something more is also a hunger. You crave it.
For instance, you sit at an unbearably boring job, time drags on like molasses, and you think: "At home, I would spend this time well; I would be living." But upon returning to an empty apartment, you do absolutely nothing. This lingering, viscous feeling of dissatisfaction follows close on your heels.
The hunger of loneliness.
One of the deepest levels. You are alone, and your entire being begs for someone to be near. Someone who will listen, support you, or just sit in silence with you. But in public, you convince yourself that you are not interested in people. They seem like superficial, stupid, and annoying ignoramuses.
And then comes the dead of night. You are left alone in your room, mindlessly scrolling through your feed, and you realize how disastrously alone you are. You have no one to pour your heart out to. You look at other people's love on the internet and crave the same. Your mind rushes back and forth: the thought "I want to find a soulmate" shatters against your disappointment in people and yourself, shifting to "I don't need anyone; no one will understand me anyway." It is an endless cycle. An Ouroboros devouring itself.
The hunger for happiness.
An absolute abyss. A thirst for peace, when you simply want everything to be alright. For bad thoughts to disappear, for all misfortunes and problems to evaporate. But this is an illusion. In harsh reality, no one is coming to save you. Your life is solely in your hands; you must solve your own problems yourself. In the end, the only thing you will have left forever is you.
Hunger.
I hate and despise it. I dream of getting rid of it, but I think about it every single day — from the primitive rumbling in my stomach to the existential emptiness.
This hunger will never disappear. Even at the peak of your life, it will stand beside you, breathing down your neck. And even if you try to satiate it, you will fail. No matter how hard you try to close this abyss, whether superficial or deep, you will never be fully satisfied. You will always be left wanting. Sitting in a room filled to the brim with gold, you will still want more. It is eternal gluttony. Eternal envy.
There is only one way to cope with this hunger — to learn to masterfully ignore it.
Or simply exit.
