Humble Request for those Planning to CTB

[ctbsurvivor<3]

Howdy folks, I'm not here to proselytize or guilt anybody, but I just wanted to offer some information and make some suggestions to those planning to CTB who are leaving people behind who will feel their absence.

I lost a friend to what felt to me like a very premature bus ride back in 2017 and want to help soften the blow to the loved ones of those who are determined to CTB.

1. If your plans involve going somewhere no one is likely to find you within an hour of the act, PLEASE plan a way to inform loved ones of your body's location after the fact. If you're worried about potential intervention, try scheduling an email with your location to be sent like an hour out. The worst and most distressing part of dealing with my friend's suicide was the approx. 3 hour span after we found her note but before we found her body or knew whether or not she was alive. Do people a favor and don't leave them uncertain. However you do it, plan to have your body found as quickly as is reasonable.

2. If you're willing and able, please write something out regarding what was or was not part of your reasoning for going. Don't leave people you care about feeling responsible (but don't feel obligated to pull your punches if a lesson needs to be taught; I honestly wish my friend had called out her dad in her note because he was greatly responsible for her premature departure). Consider any last things you might wanna say to people (in note form if you're worried about people getting suspicious) because it's very literally your last chance.

Anyway, I hope y'all will consider my advice. Be safe, be smart, be responsible, and try to stay off the bus as long as possible.

 

[SilentSadness]

Losing someone in that manner is very distressing and life makes some of us go through a lot of torment. However in the event of my suicide I don't think I'll leave a note because it will confirm my intentions and planning, when it could otherwise be passed off as an accident or impulsive. Also, I think that whatever words you write in a suicide note are likely to be misunderstood and it could just make things worse. I want to go so that no one has anything to remember me by so they suffer as little as possible; life already has so much. I wouldn't send my location either, even with a schedule, because the longer a body is left without treatment the higher the chance of the attempt being successful, and failure would just be nightmare fuel for everybody. I think you mean well but this existence makes it so hard to leave that I wouldn't risk failing over leaving what would be an empty note anyway.

 

[ctbsurvivor<3]

Losing someone in that manner is very distressing and life makes some of us go through a lot of torment. However in the event of my suicide I don't think I'll leave a note because it will confirm my intentions and planning, when it could otherwise be passed off as an accident or impulsive. Also, I think that whatever words you write in a suicide note are likely to be misunderstood and it could just make things worse. I want to go so that no one has anything to remember me by so they suffer as little as possible; life already has so much. I wouldn't send my location either, even with a schedule, because the longer a body is left without treatment the higher the chance of the attempt being successful, and failure would just be nightmare fuel for everybody. I think you mean well but this existence makes it so hard to leave that I wouldn't risk failing over leaving what would be an empty note anyway.

I know it's a YMMV sort of deal, but the sooner you can *realistically* take that uncertainty away for your loved ones, the better. I remember being in that severe a state that I tried to take my life, so I promise I'm looking at this from both perspectives.
If you don't want to leave a note, that's your decision to make. But the unanswered questions will keep people up at night too. It's your life and you can leave it however you please, but if your main goal is to minimize suffering, you should also minimize the unknowns for the people you love.

 

[WeighAnchor]

This is a good point to make yeah, I had a member of my immediate family CTB when I was little and they didn't leave anything behind, no explanation or any of the like. At least we had the body so we could give them a proper burial. Still though, having nothing but pictures, mementos and memories left was really difficult.

I hadn't left much behind for my first attempt either. I'm trying to be more thorough in preparation for my next (and hopefully last) attempt. I've been working on an extensive suicide letter, since I know that they'll likely read it over and over again, revisiting it many times. I would've. In it, I'd like to detail my view on how I got to this point, a detailed explanation of how I feel and my perspective on living as well as apologizing. I'm pretty happy with what I've got so far, but there's still a lot to add.

Other than that, I've thought about how to make it less shitty for them. I mean, it's gonna suck either way, but I figure there's a few things I can do to alleviate some of the pain. It'd be best if I could make it look convincingly like a natural or accidental death, although it's hard to pull off. I'd prefer that neither my family nor any random stranger finds my body, instead being found by medical personnel if possible. I also want to try my best to make it be unexpected, to the point where they'll hopefully blame themselves as little as possible for not seeing the signs or not doing more.

I don't have any good ideas on the natural/accidental death part so far, that's still a work in progress. As far as being found goes, I've considered something along the lines of scheduling a text message to emergency services like 24h later. Although I don't live with my parents anymore, they'd be the most likely ones to discover my body otherwise. They usually check in with me every few days. I don't even know if emergency services have a number you can text in my country, so that's also a work in progress. I think that or something similar could work though, in theory.

Now, I'm not trying to say that everyone should go to such lengths. It's likely I won't even cross everything off my list before I go. But, for anyone who has people they care about, it'd be good to leave something behind, if you're able to put something together.

Also, I'm sorry about your friend, OP. I'm sure that must've been hard to deal with.
(also nice PFP, Don't Hug Me I'm Scared is a masterpiece)

 

[Death is my goal]

i plan to leave a message to my online friends but not my family as i feel there's nothing to say to them

 

[ctbsurvivor<3]

I'm sorry about your friend, OP. I'm sure that must've been hard to deal with.
(also nice PFP, Don't Hug Me I'm Scared is a masterpiece)

Thank you, the silver lining is that it brought several of us closer together. I don't blame her at all for what happened, I'm just especially pissed at her dad for refusing to keep paying for her therapy less than half a year after her first attempt despite the fact that they could afford it. If she hadn't been cut off from that line of support, I'm convinced she'd still be with us.

And thank you again, DHMIS is incredible and I've loved it since it's inception.

 

[Next-to-Nil]

I have a bunch of envelopes left in a safe with the location and pin thereof in my will. If I know my "loved ones" it won't take long for my will to get read.

 

[CantWait2D1E]

If I tell people that my main reason for going is not having a girlfriend they'll just ridicule me more and tarnish the "memory" of who I was beyond that.

Better to die an enigma and leave people guessing at least in my circumstances

 

[missingpeace]

If I tell people that my main reason for going is not having a girlfriend they'll just ridicule me more and tarnish the "memory" of who I was beyond that.

Better to die an enigma and leave people guessing at least in my circumstances

While I respect your right to die, I do feel this obstacle can be overcome.. have you tried dating apps/websites? Bumble is a good app that shows people in your area..

 

[EyeHearMusic]

While I respect your right to die, I do feel this obstacle can be overcome.. have you tried dating apps/websites? Bumble is a good app that shows people in your area..

hes right...

 

[tootired4life]

If I tell people that my main reason for going is not having a girlfriend they'll just ridicule me more and tarnish the "memory" of who I was beyond that.

Better to die an enigma and leave people guessing at least in my circumstances

bro you seem pretty nice im sure there are lots girls who'd be happy to be your girlfriend - i probably would if we knew each other irl haha

 

[Postone]

I'l leave a note on where my corpse(hopefully) will be.I think reasoning can be inferred by me doing nothing with my life for over a decade.

 

[Angi]

If you're willing and able, please write something out regarding what was or was not part of your reasoning for going.

How do people do this? Every now and then people talk about their suicide notes, including in this thread, and I can only admire the ability to compose one. Maybe it is a type of compartmentalization I have not learnt yet? I cannot imagine killing myself and talking to the people I love in the same state of mind, not for the life in me.
As for not pulling my punches, I guess I will leave my books for rape "survivors" on top of my shelf when I go, this should relay the "blame" part of the message, the part that will never reach anyone. But I guess the people who might miss me will want more than that, and I have no idea how to give it to them... Any hints?

If your plans involve going somewhere no one is likely to find you within an hour of the act, PLEASE plan a way to inform loved ones of your body's location after the fact. If you're worried about potential intervention, try scheduling an email with your location to be sent like an hour out.

This might work nicely if I were to jump, or if I behead myself while I am really certain I will manage to be fast. Especially for those planning to poison themselves, death can take between an hour and several days to collect them, after losing consciousness. Do you have any ideas that might help in this scenario?

 

[Postone]

This might work nicely if I were to jump, or if I behead myself while I am really certain I will manage to be fast.

How would you behead yourself?

 

[GasMonkey]

I had a member of my immediate family CTB

What method did he use?

 

[Tartuffe]

I'll leave a hole in a couple or lives, I cant not do it though. I just hope that life is fair to them and I dont have to come back

 

[CantWait2D1E]

- i probably would if we knew each other irl haha

Oh realllyy??
In all seriousness I do appreciate your comment. That was very kind. It is very possible that the only thing holding me back from achieving this is just myself.

While I respect your right to die, I do feel this obstacle can be overcome.. have you tried dating apps/websites? Bumble is a good app that shows people in your area..

hes right...

Thank you both for trying to help. I've been recommended dating apps a lot. Been using them ever since they came out really. Deleted & reinstalled Tinder/Bumble more times than I can count lol.
I'm back on there again. I guess I just gotta stay persistent. Get my daily swipes in and come up with more photos and bios to better "market" myself. Getting to the age I could also consider more serious sites like eharmony or match.
So good of you two to be kind and inspire hope in me again

 

[EyeHearMusic]

Oh realllyy??
In all seriousness I do appreciate your comment. That was very kind. It is very possible that the only thing holding me back from achieving this is just myself.



Thank you both for trying to help. I've been recommended dating apps a lot. Been using them ever since they came out really. Deleted & reinstalled Tinder/Bumble more times than I can count lol.
I'm back on there again. I guess I just gotta stay persistent. Get my daily swipes in and come up with more photos and bios to better "market" myself. Getting to the age I could also consider more serious sites like eharmony or match.
So good of you two to be kind and inspire hope in me again

also, NEVER off yourself because of love. It's not all its cracked up to be. Im in a relationship right now, and im miserable hahaha

 

[CantWait2D1E]

also, NEVER off yourself because of love. It's not all its cracked up to be. Im in a relationship right now, and im miserable hahaha

I'd like to be able to make that determination for myself, but thanks for the words of wisdom

I guess offing myself is inevitable whatever the reason. Having an especially awful day as usual. The one thing I can get out of the house and accomplish is getting harder to tolerate :/

 

[absolomonisgone]

No need for note now think if you tell people in note that you don't find anything good in life you don't like to have babies you don't like to have job what people think?
Good to behaviour that way people know you were going to kill me one day you behaviour like not talk to people not go anywhere not do anything that behaviour people know you were to kill me one day and therefore people not surprise

 

[WeighAnchor]

What method did he use?

I never found out -- it was my sibling and they were old enough not to live with us at the time. I guess my parents thought it was better I didn't know. I didn't see the body either since it was a closed-casket funeral, so I'm guessing something that left a mark. Maybe hanging.

 

[anguila_anguila]

Howdy folks, I'm not here to proselytize or guilt anybody, but I just wanted to offer some information and make some suggestions to those planning to CTB who are leaving people behind who will feel their absence.

I lost a friend to what felt to me like a very premature bus ride back in 2017 and want to help soften the blow to the loved ones of those who are determined to CTB.

1. If your plans involve going somewhere no one is likely to find you within an hour of the act, PLEASE plan a way to inform loved ones of your body's location after the fact. If you're worried about potential intervention, try scheduling an email with your location to be sent like an hour out. The worst and most distressing part of dealing with my friend's suicide was the approx. 3 hour span after we found her note but before we found her body or knew whether or not she was alive. Do people a favor and don't leave them uncertain. However you do it, plan to have your body found as quickly as is reasonable.

2. If you're willing and able, please write something out regarding what was or was not part of your reasoning for going. Don't leave people you care about feeling responsible (but don't feel obligated to pull your punches if a lesson needs to be taught; I honestly wish my friend had called out her dad in her note because he was greatly responsible for her premature departure). Consider any last things you might wanna say to people (in note form if you're worried about people getting suspicious) because it's very literally your last chance.

Anyway, I hope y'all will consider my advice. Be safe, be smart, be responsible, and try to stay off the bus as long as possible.

A well thought-out list.
I would just like to add one more.

If you love (or even just like) your family and/or friends, then consider not doing it in a place where they will be the first to find your body. It can be incredibly traumatic to find a loved one's body, especially if it is an unexpected suicide, and it can really mess someone up for the rest of their life.

Of course, if you hate your family and want them to suffer, then ignore all that.

 

[EyeHearMusic]

I'd like to be able to make that determination for myself, but thanks for the words of wisdom

I guess offing myself is inevitable whatever the reason. Having an especially awful day as usual. The one thing I can get out of the house and accomplish is getting harder to tolerate :/

yeah, I totally understand and respect that.
I mean, lets be honest, we're all here because were eventually going to do it.
I might be lost but whats the one thing you can get out of the house and tolerate? (if you dont mind me asking)

 

[LONE WOLF.]

I do want my corpse to be found as l want my ashes to be scattered with my 2 Staffies