Discussion How's the relationship between you and your friends?

[Lorntroubles]

I have stopped responding to messages. I have stopped reading messages. I don't want it to be a case where my friends hit me up then because they get a response they can be happy and do as they wish and forget about me.

They all know the crippling things I have gone through and I have come to the realization that even though they show me sympathy, I was left to my own devices. I was the one always checking on them but this was not reciprocated.

I don't want to rekindle any friendships then be disappointed all over again so my socializing nowadays is on SS.

I just don't want to fake being happy, fake being okay anymore so I just stopped being available to people. I will be gone soon enough so why bother.

A part of me says to leave on a good note and a part of me says to slip away.

My "friends" have complained about how they have lives so it seems they can't be bothered and I really don't ask for much.

I got so mad at one friend who helped me build up the courage to reveal the myriad of things I am going through then not respond. I tell him forget it then he tells me he doesn't understand but ok. I replied back with how I felt stupid telling him all this stuff and him not replying. I tell him that I thought he could be the friend I could tell this to (we have known each other many years) but why does it matter, I will be gone before my upcoming birthday then I blocked him. I was tired of being stressed about keeping all this stuff in to have someone know so much and not give me any words in return.

I am for certain he knows the date and it's soon-ish. He talks to his best friend often and his best friend is a good friend of mine. That's the only time I mentioned suicide without saying "suicide" and now I'm sure they get it because I hinted to him and he wasn't getting it at first.

Now my inbox messages notifications spike up every once in a while but I can't be bothered to check them. Don't worry, nobody knows where I live and the one lady who did, (won't go more into detail about her) I cut off contact with. She suggested a welfare check on me.

It's been months of me going completely silent.

What's it like for you? Any insights appreciated. What are some things that you think I should consider?

 

[SilentlySuffocating]

My friend have been pretty trashy. I had 2 who stayed friends for 2 years with me. They were the worst. They tricked me into feeling safe with them, so I started to open up to them. When I started to realise that I was better off without them, they emotionally blackmailed me into staying friends. A few months ago (late Octobe) they decided that they'd had enough of me so they said that they felt uneasy with me cos I have depression and anxiety.
now I have learnt not to really trust anyon, just in case they turn out to be backstabbing bitches again.
im not sure what you should consider trying, sorry

 

[BPD Barbie]

What friends? Ok, so the very small amount I guess I can call friends I don't talk to anymore. I rarely talk to anyone outside of here except my mom. I find friendship overwhelming at times, I struggle to keep up conversation partly because I have nothing to talk about outside of mental illness and suicide. I don't DO normal things. I like the idea of friends but not the reality.

 

[Slow85]

What friends ?

 

[FusRohDracarys]

I can sorta relate. When the lock downs went into effect I got a bunch of messages from friends I hadn't spoken to in months. I ignored them for about a month. Then got lonely enough to cave into responding and wound up cutting a few of the friendships off entirely. A few others weren't quite worth cutting off entirely but quite disappointing nonetheless, so now I only talk to one of my friends who is pretty much in the same boat as me.

Feel free to reach out if you ever want to talk to someone.

 

[Lorntroubles]

@BPD Barbie I feel you. Suicidal people could care less about shallow talks. At least, I could care less.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I sacrificed most of my friendships years ago. So I could focus entirely on my wife and two young sons. Now that they're gone I'm mostly alone. I prefer to keep to myself for the most part anyways.

 

[Squiddy]

Surprisingly, I've made tons of friends over the years, though only a couple I'd call really good friends. I used to have no friends in middle school and was alienated, but now, it's all good for the most part.

 

[disabledandhopeless]

What are friends? Is it edible?

 

[Lorntroubles]

@Squiddy that's good you have people to share your time with. It's hard to keep friends as you get older....I made the mistake of telling too much info to that friend. In my case, being friends with him for 15 years doesn't mean shit. He was the one who prodded me about how I'm doing so when I tell him things ain't good, he wants to run like a sissy and get defensive saying, "you realize I have a life?"

Damn emotional manipulators! Good thing I cut bullshit out very quickly. Too old to hold onto things and people that serve no good.

 

[HoolioCoolio]

i have stopped most communications, it seems permanent. most of my friends are girls who've recently just found a bf and don't need me anymore. only one person mildly wanted to stay connected so its me my gamer pals {not close at all} and my therapist who isnt the best with my emotions but is clever

 

[StillWaiting]

Don't have friends after they found out that I am someone who repeats the same topics over and over again like a NPC. People just leave you when they are sick of dealing with negative people

 

[Myforevercharlie]

The few that stayed accept me the way i am, like i accept their 'things "

 

[TheSoulless]

I don't have friends, but I do have "buddies". And now that I'm graduating, I just have my family.

Don't have friends after they found out that I am someone who repeats the same topics over and over again like a NPC. People just leave you when they are sick of dealing with negative people

I also have "NPC energy" :) Some people are like that by nature, I guess.

 

[Remember to forget]

i have stopped most communications, it seems permanent. most of my friends are girls who've recently just found a bf and don't need me anymore. only one person mildly wanted to stay connected so its me my gamer pals {not close at all} and my therapist who isnt the best with my emotions but is clever

Same here. My best mate was a male until he found a lady. Most people are users. I have learnt not to trust most people and then you can only be plesently surprised. I'm just not to interested in getting close to anyone anymore except my close family.
A few weeks ago another friend let me down by turning out to be a liar, yet more time wasted, that's the last time I'm letting a friend get that close again.
Going back to the original post, yes i have ignored friends/family for months in the past. I just haven't been interested in what they say, what they think, what shit is going on in their life so just didn't answer messages. I didn't care about myself so how could I care about others.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I have a small amount of friend that would still communicate with me if I reached out, but generally I don't. It's a different world once you've been down the rabbit hole. I now find it hard to communicate with other people on anything but a superficial level.

 

[Disintegration]

Best not to get to heavily involved with others. Cynicism dominates my line of thinking and it does so from careful analysis of human behavior and my relationships with other people. Everyone (myself included) is far too damaged in one way or another, so when you combine your damage with another's it becomes that much more difficult to find peace. Focus on yourself and what makes you happy, it isn't worth the head trip other people send you on in exchange for social interaction. Fuck friends.

 

[artificialpasta]

Don't have any

 

[Donk]

i find making friends get tougher as you get older. everyone is busy raising their children or hanging out with their families. i dont do either.

 

[Broken Chimera]

I've had plenty of friends but once I started coming here I trimmed that list. No point in being around people who you can't be open with and can't understand that you're not a npc like them.

 

[Lorntroubles]

Makes me so frustrated that I have very, very, few friends and this one lets me down. Such is life, so many disappointments. Don't need all this negative energy so had to cut him out. From the responses, seems I am not being unreasonable. I do feel empowered that I'm shaping my ctb as best as I can to my liking and that's cutting off some "friends" for my mental health.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I just don't want to fake being happy, fake being okay anymore

That resonates.

Over the years of being chronically low, I have learned that communication is key. I always emphasized that I did not expect them to help me with this, and that all I need is time away from people when I'm feeling bad. I told them it's not their fault and that I know it's straining the friendships.

The superficial friends fell away first, and I didn't mind this.

One (good) friend, my mountaineering partner, who pressured me to open up went all panic mode once I opened up to him and tried to blackmail into going to a psychiatrist. He then proceeded to ghost me for a while, whilst apparently talking to a psychiatrist about me behind my back. Ever since that happened, he behaves differently towards me; it's like he is walking on eggshells.

With my closest childhood friend it's different. We always had a very philosophical relationship and there were several fallouts in the past, usually with me arguing a pessismistic standpoint and him arguing an optimistic one—these usually lasted for a while and everything was fine after a while. But recently, after having grown apart due to ever more diverging worldviews and lifestyles, we had a really big fallout and he blocked my number.

We are very honest with each other, and I told him I understand why he wouldn't hang out with me and that I don't hold it against him.

I was anticipating it though and I have to say, my friends stuck with me for five years of depression. I appreciate that.

 

[disconnection]

Yeah I don't have friends now. I had quite a few last year and they all came to see me while I was manic and in hospital. Then I crashed and have no thoughts in my head any more - simply have nothing to say to anyone. A few kept trying to keep in contact but there's only so much nothingness people can take. I feel bad for family who I live with! But I've taken to staying in my room mostly now to avoid the non communication awkwardness. This forum seems to be my social life...

 

[Pryras]

I don't have any messages to respond to in the first place. I don't have anyone irl I'd consider a "friend" just acquaintances who I run in to and smile at. None.

Last year, I decided to get some portraits done to overcome my fear of cameras and pictures. I booked with a stranger who ended up becoming my closest friend. I adored him. Then he took advantage of me after a few months, assaults me, and blames me for it.There is no contact now.

I've told apparent acquaintances who turn and smile in my face and worship the guy who brought pain in my life which is just great. Asked a lady who said she would be there for me if I could call her at some point and she stopped responding to my messages and ignores me....

 

[Arrow]

i only have like one friend and at this point we only really text.

 

[Cashewmilk]

I can't have friends. Everyone near me loves life and is pro life, religious etc. I would have to be completely fake and put tons of effort into a friendship. My sister tried that and it was horrible, she had to spend time and money getting ready to go out, she lied about everything and came home to recover from it. They call once in a while and pretend to care. My sister has severe reaction to perfume and nobody gave a damn and still wore tons of body scents, so she would end up throwing up and coming home early. These are just more recent issues, we both used to have tons of friends partied for days as teenagers. But now that we're older and have this opiate addiction sickness, it's impossible to keep up with a normal life. I'm also extremely negative and misanthropic, no one likes that. I'm depressing and intense. I've put my faith and trust into my "friends" before, but I've learned that friends are disposable and backstabbing, I couldn't believe that people would do that to me, people who I shared such intimate parts of myself, brought into my home, to my mom and family etc...I have always been the first one to get burned, I would never dream of doing that to others I wasn't taught that way. Family has always been more important to me. My social circle consists of my immediate family, parents, and siblings and a few cousins. Most of my family emotionally abuses me though so I feel alone a lot of the time. But they're the ones who are taking care of me so I'm sure I'm a huge burden on them.

 

[torturedbylife]

What are friendssssss, are those edible?

 

[xalltoowell]

I've ended pretty much every friendship I've had.
My current "friends" leave me out of most things. They only text me when when it benefits them. One friend will text me anytime she's going through something because "I'm the only one who understands", but if I ever need to talk, she turns the conversation on her own problems so I've just stopped opening up.

I hate when people ask how you are but don't really want to know the answer. This describes pretty much everyone I know so I've just isolated myself for the most part.

I'm the sad, miserable person no one wants to be around.

 

[mediocre]

They are all online so quite good!

 

[RileyTanaka]

What friends? lol