I am a 36 year old man.
Christmas of last year I discovered that I had gum damage that wasn't repairing and shoulder pain that isn't going away. I have a pretty blue collar job that doesn't pay insurance so I have little chance of fixing these issues any time soon or in time to fix them from progressing to something without any hope at all.
Despite all my efforts (even getting two community college degrees) I have failed in life at finding a job that would be sufficient to support myself once my parents are gone and to support a wife, a non-existent person I always wanted to find.
I am in physical pain, I am extremely bored with my life and job, and I have no hope of fulfilling the natural reproductive urges inside me that I have been plagued with ever since I can remember. I have done everything in my power to stop my seed from coming out, which is literally impossible, and to fix the injuries that have caused me pain as of late. As I have said, nothing works, and the struggle has put me over the edge. I am thinking its about time for me to die y'all.
I am thinking I want to die sometime late this year, but I'm really not sure I can go through with it, as I will be robbing my parents of someone they love. I love my mom and my dad, very much. My brothers and sisters were never really there for me, and thats understandable as I am the oldest -- I should have been there and responsible for them, but I was always a kid.
What am I supposed to do? I have had enough of this life! If my parents brought me into this suffering then why should I worry that they would suffer from my death? What if my death helps them? These are my main fears, but obviously, I am scared of death too.
My goals are to acclimate myself more to the idea so that I can go through with it and to find a way to help my mom and dad accept that its simply about my time to go -- that living off my parents isn't going to last and that it is too much of a strain as it is. I am little more than a parasite and it takes everything within me to keep going. I feel like my time is just about up.
Much love to everyone who is struggling like this. I am so sorry for your pain and I wish with all of my soul that I could heal your pain -- and mine.
If I go through this, I am pretty sure I will choose the fentanyl route as it is supposed to be blissful and very likely to cause death. I don't mind if I choke while I'm unconscious. I have actually tried to commit suicide before, but it was more like russian roullete with drugs. (such as huge amounts of benadryl and adderall) Obviously it didn't work. Hopefully this time it will.
I send as much love to you as I can muster from my heart and I pray for God to bless all of you somehow.
Dewd
Christmas of last year I discovered that I had gum damage that wasn't repairing and shoulder pain that isn't going away. I have a pretty blue collar job that doesn't pay insurance so I have little chance of fixing these issues any time soon or in time to fix them from progressing to something without any hope at all.
Despite all my efforts (even getting two community college degrees) I have failed in life at finding a job that would be sufficient to support myself once my parents are gone and to support a wife, a non-existent person I always wanted to find.
I am in physical pain, I am extremely bored with my life and job, and I have no hope of fulfilling the natural reproductive urges inside me that I have been plagued with ever since I can remember. I have done everything in my power to stop my seed from coming out, which is literally impossible, and to fix the injuries that have caused me pain as of late. As I have said, nothing works, and the struggle has put me over the edge. I am thinking its about time for me to die y'all.
I am thinking I want to die sometime late this year, but I'm really not sure I can go through with it, as I will be robbing my parents of someone they love. I love my mom and my dad, very much. My brothers and sisters were never really there for me, and thats understandable as I am the oldest -- I should have been there and responsible for them, but I was always a kid.
What am I supposed to do? I have had enough of this life! If my parents brought me into this suffering then why should I worry that they would suffer from my death? What if my death helps them? These are my main fears, but obviously, I am scared of death too.
My goals are to acclimate myself more to the idea so that I can go through with it and to find a way to help my mom and dad accept that its simply about my time to go -- that living off my parents isn't going to last and that it is too much of a strain as it is. I am little more than a parasite and it takes everything within me to keep going. I feel like my time is just about up.
Much love to everyone who is struggling like this. I am so sorry for your pain and I wish with all of my soul that I could heal your pain -- and mine.
If I go through this, I am pretty sure I will choose the fentanyl route as it is supposed to be blissful and very likely to cause death. I don't mind if I choke while I'm unconscious. I have actually tried to commit suicide before, but it was more like russian roullete with drugs. (such as huge amounts of benadryl and adderall) Obviously it didn't work. Hopefully this time it will.
I send as much love to you as I can muster from my heart and I pray for God to bless all of you somehow.
Dewd
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